(no subject)
uhg i am way tired. my tiredness is a rock that sits ontop of my head and vomits down the back of my neck. he has a name, but i don't remember it.
i don't feel like dealing with people anymore. i want to run away and be alone in a cave and just cry and sleep for a while. i don't get to do those things here. my body hurts so much. everytime i move it hurts. the black blotch near my kidneys has spread into this red fire in my upper abdominal and right between the bottom of my ribs. i feel sick.
my head is trying to convince myself that the only way to make this situation better, and by better i don't mean actually pull myself out of it, but stay in the same pit but just put some decorations up on the dirt walls, is to totally disrespect and destroy my body via drinking, drugs, and sex. everything in my body and mind screams at this proposition, sometimes for, sometimes against, screaming at itself and eachother, freaking out. there's no room for thought, only for anger. i can't shut it up. especially the sex part. i hate confliction, and this is like the demon confliction. i feel like hell. i want to cry.
uhg.
i don't feel like dealing with people anymore. i want to run away and be alone in a cave and just cry and sleep for a while. i don't get to do those things here. my body hurts so much. everytime i move it hurts. the black blotch near my kidneys has spread into this red fire in my upper abdominal and right between the bottom of my ribs. i feel sick.
my head is trying to convince myself that the only way to make this situation better, and by better i don't mean actually pull myself out of it, but stay in the same pit but just put some decorations up on the dirt walls, is to totally disrespect and destroy my body via drinking, drugs, and sex. everything in my body and mind screams at this proposition, sometimes for, sometimes against, screaming at itself and eachother, freaking out. there's no room for thought, only for anger. i can't shut it up. especially the sex part. i hate confliction, and this is like the demon confliction. i feel like hell. i want to cry.
uhg.