it's in the water (2/?)
“Well look on the bright side, there’s a temporary cure.”
Jaejoong beams and steers Yunho towards the bathroom, sorry attempt at making the (wo)man feel better failing terribly.
“Temporary,” echoes the gender confused creature in a desolate voice.
“Oh come on, would you rather be stuck with papayas up your shirt for the rest of your life?”
“…Jaejoong.”
“Sorry. But they’re a nice set of papayas. Perky. Not too big and not too small, really. A very pleasing size if you ask me.”
“JAEJOONG. STOP DISCUSSING MY BREASTS LIKE THEY WERE TROPICAL FRUITS OR SOMETHING. GOD,” Yunho thunders, chest heaving with the exertion of shouting and Jaejoong stares.
Openly.
The bathroom door is slammed in his face and from inside, it sounds as if Yunho is imitating Changmin’s furious set of actions. Fuck, Jaejoong thinks. I just bought that soap dispenser last week.
“Women,” he mutters at the door and something expensive sounding (…bathroom scales, goes his sub consciousness weakly ) hits the place where his head would have been if he’d been standing on the other side.
“DON’T THINK I DIDN’T HEAR THAT.”
Jaejoong moves wide eyed to the kitchen.
Changmin is thankfully still Changmin when Jaejoong sits down beside the youngest, long overdue cup of tea in his hands.
“I’m hungry,” he tells Jaejoong who rolls his eyes and dips his tea bag into his mug serenely, blatant request for food ignored.
“Your band leader is taking apart our bathroom, no wait, correction, shared bathroom with the fury of five thousand women scorned because he is a woman at the moment and all you can think of is food? Call take out or something, don’t look at me like that.”
“But take out is expensive.”
“But food isn’t going to magically appear on the table.”
Jaejoong takes a sip of Darjeeling, oblivious to the fact that Changmin has gone to stick his head under the kitchen tap.
“Honestly,” Jaejoong continues, getting up to throw his used tea bag into the bin. “Honestly, you people think I’m your maid or-…HOLY.”
There’s a familiar looking panda standing on it’s hind legs, blocking the way between Jaejoong and the bin with 500 pounds of hungry bear-man flesh. It opens it’s mouth wide and Jaejoong resists the urge to stuff his teabag down Changmin’s gaping piehole, lest he be cuffed upside of the head with one of those massive panda paws.
“I hate you.”
Minpanda blinks lazily and settles on the kitchen floor, moving to block wherever Jaejoong wants to go.
“I really, really hate you.”
Unblinking eyes and bared teeth dare Jaejoong to repeat that again.
“But we don’t have any food.”
Liar, Changmin seems to say through his eyes and waddles over to the fridge, backing Jaejoong into it.
“You want to eat mouldy cheese and expired crackers? Fine by me.”
Jaejoong chucks the said hunk of cheese at Changmin who bats it away, growling, changing his course of action to pressure Jaejoong towards the front door instead.
“You want me to go out and buy food? Now? When there could be some crazy anti fan waiting outside? Are you out of your furry, nonexistent mind?”
Yes, confirms the sulking, starving panda with a curt nod and headbutts Jaejoong out of their apartment.
“Stupid,” he voices out loud as he slams groceries onto the counter of their usual store. “Fucking.” The shop keeper looks at him funny and the cash register beeps as he scans the price of a new hunk of cheese. “Pandaman.”
“Um. Plastic bag?
Jaejoong quietly damns all pandas and their insatiable appetites to hell before growling a yes please, stalks out of the store lugging three plastic bags over his shoulder.
It’s a five minute walk from the store to the apartment, a minute wait for the elevator. A lot can happen in six minutes.
“Oppa~”
Gaddamn it’s just not my day, is it?
“I’msorryI’mbusy.”
He quickens his pace, bag o’ food thumping against his back as double footsteps echo on the pavement. I knew I shouldn’t have bought that can of pea-…
“But China I come long way.”
Jaejoong sighs and turns round, flashing a forced thousand watt smile and attempting to look as Korea’s biggest star-ish as one can when one is carrying enough food over one’s shoulders for three men, one half woman thing and a panda.
“Thank you” he says and waits patiently for the flash of a camera, the usual print out shoved into his hands to be signed. Wait minute. Didn’t Yunho say something about pigtail-…
Oh bugger.
The front of his shirt is still dripping water as he watches the anti sprint away, pigtails flying.
Oh bugger.
“Why’re you hovering near the door?”
“Waiting for food.”
“…hovering near the door is going to make food *~magically~* appear out of thin air?”
“I’m waiting for Jaejoong to bring back food you dumbass.”
“Ah. Then excuse me for a moment.”
Changmin shifts by his makeshift camp near the door and lets Junsu through, the latter mumbling something about Junho and confessions and brotherly love as he fumbles to lock the door and call Junho at the same time. The magnae turns up the internal volume of his I’m Not Listening channel in his head.
“Where’s Jaejoong?”
“Dammed if I know.”
“Oh well. Pizza?”
“Bring it, baby.”
The doorbell buzzes half an hour later and Yoochun runs to get it, side stepping Yunho (thankfully reverted back to his usual A-cups) sprawled on the carpet watching TV with Changmin.
“…is this your cat?”
“Um. No?”
The cat in the pizza delivery man’s hands hisses and extends it’s claws, glaring Yoochun down stonily.
“Eh. Just wondering, little fella’s been sitting out here outside your apartment, wouldn’t budge for the world. Aren’t you just an adorable little thing?”
The pizza man tickles the white cat under it’s chin and almost has his finger bitten off.
“Feisty, careful with that, he might have rabies. He’s got a feral look about him,” comments Yoochun for conversation’s sake as he digs for money in his pocket. “Hey Yunho, got anything on you? Gaddamn where is Jaejoong when-…”
The cat yowls and tries to claw it’s way out of the pizza man’s grasp, Yoochun still counting out change scoured from Yunho’s manbag on the table.
“We need him…” he trails off and peers at the cat who stares unblinking back at him, tail swishing. “Oh you’ve gotta be fucking with me. Jaejoong?”
A mew and the pizza man stares wide eyed at one Park Yoochun from Asia’s leading boyband losing his marbles right before him.
“Uh…I’ll just leave the cat here with the pizza…?”
“JAEJOONG OH MY GOD YUNHO IS GOING TO FLIP~”
Cat under one arm and pizza under the other, Yoochun cracks a smile at the pizza man.
“And by the way, I see any of this on Naver tomorrow morning, SM has the wonderful service of bodyguards. They’re generally not really nice people. Thanks for the pizza!”
The door slams shut.
“Jaejoong? Is that you?”
Yoochun sets the cat on the ground and it stalks towards Changmin, hissing as it does. One graceful leap onto the table and it launches itself from there at the confused magane who barely has time to scream before-…
“Oh yeah, definitely Jaejoong.”
By the time Yunho pulls Jaejoong off Changmin’s face, the latter is sobbing for his mother to stop oh god make the kitty stop mummy help my face.
“Don’t you wanna go turn back?”
Yunho is sitting on the couch, feeding tiny pieces of pizza to the cat on his lap. It purrs contentedly and nestles, stretching.
“I’ll take that as a no.”
He strokes the arching white back and on the other side of insanity, Changmin glares daggers at his band leader.
“That’s not Jaejoong, that’s a cat from hell.”
“You’re saying those are different things?” comes Yoochun’s dry reply. He reaches for the last piece of pizza only to have Yunho smack his hand away so he can feed Jaejoong.
“Stop it, he can hear you.”
“So?”
Jaejoong flexes his claws lazily and yawns, Yunho cooing over him.
“God, he’s sexy even as a cat.”
“…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
“PANDAS ARE CUTE, OKAY? AND CUDDLY. FURRY. PANDAS ROCK. PIT ME AGAINST THAT USELESS FURBALL AND I’LL CRUSH HIM.”
“Yeah, by sitting on him.”
“THEN I’LL JUST SIT ON THE BITCH.”
“Right, Changmin. Go get the first aid kit, I think all that shouting you did just opened up that cut above your eye again.”
“SEE THAT? HE ALMOST BLINDED ME.”
“Keyword: almost. Now go get the door while you’re at it, I think it’s Junsu.”
Changmin sulks off to get the first aid kit and the door.
“Just because Jaejoong got turned into a cat, god, what do cats have that pandas don’t?”
Changmin (furiously) opens the door and (furiously) greets Junho who seems to be carrying a duck.
“Junsu’s not here, sorry. Nice duck by the way.”
“…this is Junsu.”
“Oh.”
Changmin (furiously) closes the door in Junho’s face and (furiously) slumps against it, sanity deciding it’s about time it took a nice long vacation. “YUNHO. COME HERE.”
The doorbell starts ringing again, accentuated by loud quacks this time.
“YUNHOOOOOO.”
“Coming, coming. I thought you got the door?”
“It’s Junho and Junsu.”
Changmin is (furiously) rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.
“Then why don’t you open the fucking door?”
“It’s Junho and Junsu as a duck.”
“…Don’t open the door.”
Jaejoong beams and steers Yunho towards the bathroom, sorry attempt at making the (wo)man feel better failing terribly.
“Temporary,” echoes the gender confused creature in a desolate voice.
“Oh come on, would you rather be stuck with papayas up your shirt for the rest of your life?”
“…Jaejoong.”
“Sorry. But they’re a nice set of papayas. Perky. Not too big and not too small, really. A very pleasing size if you ask me.”
“JAEJOONG. STOP DISCUSSING MY BREASTS LIKE THEY WERE TROPICAL FRUITS OR SOMETHING. GOD,” Yunho thunders, chest heaving with the exertion of shouting and Jaejoong stares.
Openly.
The bathroom door is slammed in his face and from inside, it sounds as if Yunho is imitating Changmin’s furious set of actions. Fuck, Jaejoong thinks. I just bought that soap dispenser last week.
“Women,” he mutters at the door and something expensive sounding (…bathroom scales, goes his sub consciousness weakly ) hits the place where his head would have been if he’d been standing on the other side.
“DON’T THINK I DIDN’T HEAR THAT.”
Jaejoong moves wide eyed to the kitchen.
Changmin is thankfully still Changmin when Jaejoong sits down beside the youngest, long overdue cup of tea in his hands.
“I’m hungry,” he tells Jaejoong who rolls his eyes and dips his tea bag into his mug serenely, blatant request for food ignored.
“Your band leader is taking apart our bathroom, no wait, correction, shared bathroom with the fury of five thousand women scorned because he is a woman at the moment and all you can think of is food? Call take out or something, don’t look at me like that.”
“But take out is expensive.”
“But food isn’t going to magically appear on the table.”
Jaejoong takes a sip of Darjeeling, oblivious to the fact that Changmin has gone to stick his head under the kitchen tap.
“Honestly,” Jaejoong continues, getting up to throw his used tea bag into the bin. “Honestly, you people think I’m your maid or-…HOLY.”
There’s a familiar looking panda standing on it’s hind legs, blocking the way between Jaejoong and the bin with 500 pounds of hungry bear-man flesh. It opens it’s mouth wide and Jaejoong resists the urge to stuff his teabag down Changmin’s gaping piehole, lest he be cuffed upside of the head with one of those massive panda paws.
“I hate you.”
Minpanda blinks lazily and settles on the kitchen floor, moving to block wherever Jaejoong wants to go.
“I really, really hate you.”
Unblinking eyes and bared teeth dare Jaejoong to repeat that again.
“But we don’t have any food.”
Liar, Changmin seems to say through his eyes and waddles over to the fridge, backing Jaejoong into it.
“You want to eat mouldy cheese and expired crackers? Fine by me.”
Jaejoong chucks the said hunk of cheese at Changmin who bats it away, growling, changing his course of action to pressure Jaejoong towards the front door instead.
“You want me to go out and buy food? Now? When there could be some crazy anti fan waiting outside? Are you out of your furry, nonexistent mind?”
Yes, confirms the sulking, starving panda with a curt nod and headbutts Jaejoong out of their apartment.
“Stupid,” he voices out loud as he slams groceries onto the counter of their usual store. “Fucking.” The shop keeper looks at him funny and the cash register beeps as he scans the price of a new hunk of cheese. “Pandaman.”
“Um. Plastic bag?
Jaejoong quietly damns all pandas and their insatiable appetites to hell before growling a yes please, stalks out of the store lugging three plastic bags over his shoulder.
It’s a five minute walk from the store to the apartment, a minute wait for the elevator. A lot can happen in six minutes.
“Oppa~”
Gaddamn it’s just not my day, is it?
“I’msorryI’mbusy.”
He quickens his pace, bag o’ food thumping against his back as double footsteps echo on the pavement. I knew I shouldn’t have bought that can of pea-…
“But China I come long way.”
Jaejoong sighs and turns round, flashing a forced thousand watt smile and attempting to look as Korea’s biggest star-ish as one can when one is carrying enough food over one’s shoulders for three men, one half woman thing and a panda.
“Thank you” he says and waits patiently for the flash of a camera, the usual print out shoved into his hands to be signed. Wait minute. Didn’t Yunho say something about pigtail-…
Oh bugger.
The front of his shirt is still dripping water as he watches the anti sprint away, pigtails flying.
Oh bugger.
“Why’re you hovering near the door?”
“Waiting for food.”
“…hovering near the door is going to make food *~magically~* appear out of thin air?”
“I’m waiting for Jaejoong to bring back food you dumbass.”
“Ah. Then excuse me for a moment.”
Changmin shifts by his makeshift camp near the door and lets Junsu through, the latter mumbling something about Junho and confessions and brotherly love as he fumbles to lock the door and call Junho at the same time. The magnae turns up the internal volume of his I’m Not Listening channel in his head.
“Where’s Jaejoong?”
“Dammed if I know.”
“Oh well. Pizza?”
“Bring it, baby.”
The doorbell buzzes half an hour later and Yoochun runs to get it, side stepping Yunho (thankfully reverted back to his usual A-cups) sprawled on the carpet watching TV with Changmin.
“…is this your cat?”
“Um. No?”
The cat in the pizza delivery man’s hands hisses and extends it’s claws, glaring Yoochun down stonily.
“Eh. Just wondering, little fella’s been sitting out here outside your apartment, wouldn’t budge for the world. Aren’t you just an adorable little thing?”
The pizza man tickles the white cat under it’s chin and almost has his finger bitten off.
“Feisty, careful with that, he might have rabies. He’s got a feral look about him,” comments Yoochun for conversation’s sake as he digs for money in his pocket. “Hey Yunho, got anything on you? Gaddamn where is Jaejoong when-…”
The cat yowls and tries to claw it’s way out of the pizza man’s grasp, Yoochun still counting out change scoured from Yunho’s manbag on the table.
“We need him…” he trails off and peers at the cat who stares unblinking back at him, tail swishing. “Oh you’ve gotta be fucking with me. Jaejoong?”
A mew and the pizza man stares wide eyed at one Park Yoochun from Asia’s leading boyband losing his marbles right before him.
“Uh…I’ll just leave the cat here with the pizza…?”
“JAEJOONG OH MY GOD YUNHO IS GOING TO FLIP~”
Cat under one arm and pizza under the other, Yoochun cracks a smile at the pizza man.
“And by the way, I see any of this on Naver tomorrow morning, SM has the wonderful service of bodyguards. They’re generally not really nice people. Thanks for the pizza!”
The door slams shut.
“Jaejoong? Is that you?”
Yoochun sets the cat on the ground and it stalks towards Changmin, hissing as it does. One graceful leap onto the table and it launches itself from there at the confused magane who barely has time to scream before-…
“Oh yeah, definitely Jaejoong.”
By the time Yunho pulls Jaejoong off Changmin’s face, the latter is sobbing for his mother to stop oh god make the kitty stop mummy help my face.
“Don’t you wanna go turn back?”
Yunho is sitting on the couch, feeding tiny pieces of pizza to the cat on his lap. It purrs contentedly and nestles, stretching.
“I’ll take that as a no.”
He strokes the arching white back and on the other side of insanity, Changmin glares daggers at his band leader.
“That’s not Jaejoong, that’s a cat from hell.”
“You’re saying those are different things?” comes Yoochun’s dry reply. He reaches for the last piece of pizza only to have Yunho smack his hand away so he can feed Jaejoong.
“Stop it, he can hear you.”
“So?”
Jaejoong flexes his claws lazily and yawns, Yunho cooing over him.
“God, he’s sexy even as a cat.”
“…I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
“PANDAS ARE CUTE, OKAY? AND CUDDLY. FURRY. PANDAS ROCK. PIT ME AGAINST THAT USELESS FURBALL AND I’LL CRUSH HIM.”
“Yeah, by sitting on him.”
“THEN I’LL JUST SIT ON THE BITCH.”
“Right, Changmin. Go get the first aid kit, I think all that shouting you did just opened up that cut above your eye again.”
“SEE THAT? HE ALMOST BLINDED ME.”
“Keyword: almost. Now go get the door while you’re at it, I think it’s Junsu.”
Changmin sulks off to get the first aid kit and the door.
“Just because Jaejoong got turned into a cat, god, what do cats have that pandas don’t?”
Changmin (furiously) opens the door and (furiously) greets Junho who seems to be carrying a duck.
“Junsu’s not here, sorry. Nice duck by the way.”
“…this is Junsu.”
“Oh.”
Changmin (furiously) closes the door in Junho’s face and (furiously) slumps against it, sanity deciding it’s about time it took a nice long vacation. “YUNHO. COME HERE.”
The doorbell starts ringing again, accentuated by loud quacks this time.
“YUNHOOOOOO.”
“Coming, coming. I thought you got the door?”
“It’s Junho and Junsu.”
Changmin is (furiously) rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.
“Then why don’t you open the fucking door?”
“It’s Junho and Junsu as a duck.”
“…Don’t open the door.”