Life up until this point in time!
So, I haven't really writen in this thing for a while. So, as I blow the dust off of here, there is so much spilling out of my fingers to update. School is over for the next couple of weeks, and it couldn't have aproached at a better time. Yea, it ended very badly, but I needed it to be done with. What I mean by it ended badly is, I barely passed the semester. I'm just sick of people getting on my case for everything that I do, especially school. And, those who have no place to say anything shouldn't.
Living in hospitals for about a month and a half really starts to get to you and makes you real depressed you know that.....What I mean, is that my grandpa went into the hospital for a simple out-patient surgery on November 4, well guess what.......he hasn't gone home yet. We have almost lost him about 5 times now and it is so hard to live through each day knowing that it could be his last. Looking at my PaPa laying in his bed, at times lifless completely, other times not capable to breathe on his own or talk is so hard. As you look into his unknowing eyes, you see that there are so many things that he wants to tell you, knowledge of life he wants to pass along to you. Things like, don't ever take life for granted or think it isn't worth it. Life is worth living for, you never know when it could just be pulled right out from under you. I mean, would you rather take away the one thing that allows you to learn and get through hard times, or take things slowly and trying to pull yourself back up. Watching my PaPa and seeing how he looks into my eyes I know that he is telling me not to give up. That no matter what he is proud of me for what I have accomplished and couldn't ask for me to be anything but myself. He loves me for what I am, and not wanting me to be something else. You can see that he has lived through his own issues and he is a living example that you can pull yourself up out of that ditch you think is deeper than anything. He grew in life instead of ending it without pushing himself to try. Yes, at times you think that everything would just be better if you gave up and ended everything, but then you are a never ending failier and can never try to change that. The people around you love you for being you, yes, at times they wish that you could change to be happy or better, but they know that all they can do is love you and stand by your side to help you through your problems. You can push yourself to be better, all you have to do is try and accept help from those who care for you. If you don't, you just leave those to cry and clean up after you. I pray every night that my PaPa can live to see tomorrow, and maybe he can even become lively and aware to be able to stand up and walk. I would give anything to just hear my PaPa's voice, or to see him stand again, but the likeliness of that is very low.
I personally now see how much those around me love and care for me. The love that they have for me is never ending and they would be devistated if I were to just give up and allow myself to quit. They help push me forward to be the preson that I can be. I have gotten through so many things in the past year or so. I went out to get myself help with my depression and problems, and I have achieved so much. Hurting myself is out of the question, and I now know that there are so many people that I can go to with my problems. Seeing who are my REAL friends has been a huge shocker for me. I personally am a much happier person with myself and my surroundings. Next to the fact of my PaPa, I know that a year ago I would have never thought that I could be as happy and proud as I am now today. I want to live my life drug free and be the best person as I possibly can. I have some of the greatest friends ever, and I would never ask for a better family. We together are a solid brick. There are a few chips and cracks, but together we are solid and powerful. If we were to be seperated, we would crumble and vanish, but we hold eachother together and stay strong.
You can't take your life for granted and think nothing of it. There are so many people out there for you, all you have to do is open your eyes and look around you. If I hadn't opened my eyes, I honestly am scared to think of where I would be today.
Living in hospitals for about a month and a half really starts to get to you and makes you real depressed you know that.....What I mean, is that my grandpa went into the hospital for a simple out-patient surgery on November 4, well guess what.......he hasn't gone home yet. We have almost lost him about 5 times now and it is so hard to live through each day knowing that it could be his last. Looking at my PaPa laying in his bed, at times lifless completely, other times not capable to breathe on his own or talk is so hard. As you look into his unknowing eyes, you see that there are so many things that he wants to tell you, knowledge of life he wants to pass along to you. Things like, don't ever take life for granted or think it isn't worth it. Life is worth living for, you never know when it could just be pulled right out from under you. I mean, would you rather take away the one thing that allows you to learn and get through hard times, or take things slowly and trying to pull yourself back up. Watching my PaPa and seeing how he looks into my eyes I know that he is telling me not to give up. That no matter what he is proud of me for what I have accomplished and couldn't ask for me to be anything but myself. He loves me for what I am, and not wanting me to be something else. You can see that he has lived through his own issues and he is a living example that you can pull yourself up out of that ditch you think is deeper than anything. He grew in life instead of ending it without pushing himself to try. Yes, at times you think that everything would just be better if you gave up and ended everything, but then you are a never ending failier and can never try to change that. The people around you love you for being you, yes, at times they wish that you could change to be happy or better, but they know that all they can do is love you and stand by your side to help you through your problems. You can push yourself to be better, all you have to do is try and accept help from those who care for you. If you don't, you just leave those to cry and clean up after you. I pray every night that my PaPa can live to see tomorrow, and maybe he can even become lively and aware to be able to stand up and walk. I would give anything to just hear my PaPa's voice, or to see him stand again, but the likeliness of that is very low.
I personally now see how much those around me love and care for me. The love that they have for me is never ending and they would be devistated if I were to just give up and allow myself to quit. They help push me forward to be the preson that I can be. I have gotten through so many things in the past year or so. I went out to get myself help with my depression and problems, and I have achieved so much. Hurting myself is out of the question, and I now know that there are so many people that I can go to with my problems. Seeing who are my REAL friends has been a huge shocker for me. I personally am a much happier person with myself and my surroundings. Next to the fact of my PaPa, I know that a year ago I would have never thought that I could be as happy and proud as I am now today. I want to live my life drug free and be the best person as I possibly can. I have some of the greatest friends ever, and I would never ask for a better family. We together are a solid brick. There are a few chips and cracks, but together we are solid and powerful. If we were to be seperated, we would crumble and vanish, but we hold eachother together and stay strong.
You can't take your life for granted and think nothing of it. There are so many people out there for you, all you have to do is open your eyes and look around you. If I hadn't opened my eyes, I honestly am scared to think of where I would be today.