(no subject)
I'M NOT!!!!!! :) i am the happiest person right now and everyone is so excited for me! Other then that, my bestest guy friend called me today and i haven't talked to him in forever! He moved to Kansas this past October and that was one time that i cried like i never thought that i would. He and i are still closer then anything and i love the boy to death! Other then that i fould out some really hard news about one of my good friends that really brought me down. Also i feel like i am going to loose one of the most important people in my life right now. It kills me to know that, but the thing is I know that it is true. I was told not to worry about it and that yea it might happen but not for sure. I hate knowing that, i love him way to much and i NEED him there for me right now. His ex girlfriend hurt him and things werent good for them but still i know that he still has feelings for her that wont ever go away. He tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me and we are together pretty much but i know that because of her i will end up loosing him and i wont ever know what to do. He is the only guy that i have ever truly loved and worked really hard to keep us together. i have many memories with him, and i trust him like i have never trusted anyone before. Because of this people dont like me hanging out with him and they feel that he is just there to hurt me and he wont ever stop. They hate it and i hate knowing that they feel this way. I know him like non of them know him.........i know him in ways they will never know. The thig is i want to be with him and no one else.......there isnt any other guy that i even want to try with......to me it isnt worth it cause i will just sit there thinking about him and wanting to be with him. It is just that his ex is making his head messed up and she even flat out told him that she just wants to mess around with him and i know thats all she wants. He doesnt see this.......he sees this as she wants to be with him and she loves him but i mean come on. I just dont know what to do anymore. I dont know if i need to keep trying with him and work at this like we both want to or just give in and let the 2 of them be together so i dont hurt myself later in this. I have no clue what to do and i really dont know who to turn to about this. Why does this happen to me all the time. Everytime something good happens to me either something bad happens or that good thing is taken from me somehow. I hate this and this is why i used to be a slicer and suicidal. I dont know what to do cause this hurts me and i hate it but i cant go back down that route again.........i have worked to hard since then to let it all go. But i honestly dont know at this point though and i am at that point of letting go again though.