humpf......
life is a hell hole and the only thing that people want in this world is to watch the other poeple around them suffer. i mean there is so much shit going around in my head and i dont even know where to start at all. i mean things with scott are getting so nice between me and him and i am so scared that him and amanda are going to fix everything between them and i will be left out in the dark. so what the hell am i supposed to do in this situation. i ask myself that constantly but when i am with him i dont even care about it anymore. i just think about him and me and i dont want to leave.
see like tonight i was with him, we were just sitting in jessica's ((my cousins)) backseat just talking and being together. i was so happy and i didnt want to get out of the car at all. yea it was great and no one tonight cared that we wanted to be together and we were. jessica and toby just sat in the front when they were taking me home and didnt give a damn about anything that we were talking about or doing.
if i could just say one thing to amanda about me and scott it would be that she is one of the luckiest girls i have ever met. he is such a great, funny, caring guy and she is so lucky to have been with him for over a year now. he cares so much and is so funny, whenever he just is there or touches me it is like everything that is wrong will be ok and i dont have to worry about it for a while. stuff that i dont want to think about like my surgery but i do constantly though.
without this surgery i can get cancer, but if i have the surgery but my problem comes back i can still get cancer anyways. what am i supposed to do. i dont want to die and here i might. i dont know when but it still scares me that all of this is going on with me. i know that the best thing for me will be to "have the surgery and hope for the best". i just hope that people that i love will be there so i can feel comfortab;e and safe.
well i have to be up at the crack of dawn so i will write more sometime when i feel like it. BYE for now!
see like tonight i was with him, we were just sitting in jessica's ((my cousins)) backseat just talking and being together. i was so happy and i didnt want to get out of the car at all. yea it was great and no one tonight cared that we wanted to be together and we were. jessica and toby just sat in the front when they were taking me home and didnt give a damn about anything that we were talking about or doing.
if i could just say one thing to amanda about me and scott it would be that she is one of the luckiest girls i have ever met. he is such a great, funny, caring guy and she is so lucky to have been with him for over a year now. he cares so much and is so funny, whenever he just is there or touches me it is like everything that is wrong will be ok and i dont have to worry about it for a while. stuff that i dont want to think about like my surgery but i do constantly though.
without this surgery i can get cancer, but if i have the surgery but my problem comes back i can still get cancer anyways. what am i supposed to do. i dont want to die and here i might. i dont know when but it still scares me that all of this is going on with me. i know that the best thing for me will be to "have the surgery and hope for the best". i just hope that people that i love will be there so i can feel comfortab;e and safe.
well i have to be up at the crack of dawn so i will write more sometime when i feel like it. BYE for now!