a sad and terrible life
okay well... ive been having some difficulty lately... nothing is going right ... and i hate people... so many people have lied to me and i dont know how im supposed to trust them now... i set my standards high when it comes to friends cuz ive been through so many and i only have a few that i can truely say i would give my life and they would do the same for me... i dont know what happened ... its like all of a sudden everything has changed... i for one dont like this change... sometimes its for the better but this is just not working for me... i hate high school at least this year
now i have some people mad at me and i dont even know what i did or why then are mad at me... what is going on!! i hear rumors that someone is talking to someone else and that could be a reason y that person doesnt even acknowledge me all of a sudden... its really terrible cuz i had this feeling like i did something and i really dont think i did so i cant figure this out...and i cant even talk to that person cuz its like ....... isnt giving me the time of day... but that person used to talk to me almost all the time so that is one of the worst things right now
then there is a discussion of replacement between some ppl in my group... but its not a question of replacement as much as it is intrusion... i feel that this person spends more time with my friends than i do.. and recently its only becuase i am still quite immobile... i dont think im the only one that has realized that there is not a problem but a disturbance...
then i have the usual guy problems... or lack there of a guy guy problems... and i dont like that either... i want someone older... but if i find a guy my age i dont think it would be terrible... and its not like i want a b/f jst to have one... i want that feeling that someone else needs me.. if that makes sense... but im not gunna go into detail on this cuz its stupid so
we have the family problems... which arent really problems they are just annoyances or disruptions in life... i dont feel like im doing anything right by my parents... and it always seems like im doing something wrong... i just feel like im letting them down... especially academically but im doing well in everything now so i dont see why they still have such a problem with me... i was told that too many activities are gunna bring me down... so far ive proved them wrong... so ha! put that in ur pipe and smoke it..
lastly... i think... sports... im out til next spring as of now... my parents want me to do cross country in the fall... i wouldnt mind doing it cuz volleyball is out of the question for next year... but my doctor said low impact running cuz i have a shallow groove for my kneecap so i dont know what to do... and im so proud of the jv girls!!! they beat bg...i just hate that i wasnt a part of it... they are an amazing group of girls tho .. i started pt today... my knee was really sore like an hour later... so i got to stay home from school... which was nice cuz i needed a break from all this stuff... but anyways... im almost normal i just have to really work on getting the muscle tone and strength back so ive gotta work really hard and im gunna do it cuz i dont wanna have to deal with this crap anymore! which i think is the main reason all this stuff is going down... im so depressed lately and that causes me to be bitchy and somewhat intolerable i guess... idk but i feel like my life is going down this path and i cant steer off of it cuz i cant control anything... i hate with a passion of not being able to control the things that are going on in my life... ive lost control of everything...
so now its a matter of getting everything back on track... so i gotta mend everything with myself first... physically and emotionally... then i think ill be able to fix things with everyone else... but i really want to fix things with the one that is not acknowledging me cuz that is the person that is hurting me the most andi think if i dont i really will be lost for a long time if not forever...
sorry this is so depressing but that is just whats been going on and how i feel so i dont mean to bring you down i just gotta get it out
.:*kathleen*:.
now i have some people mad at me and i dont even know what i did or why then are mad at me... what is going on!! i hear rumors that someone is talking to someone else and that could be a reason y that person doesnt even acknowledge me all of a sudden... its really terrible cuz i had this feeling like i did something and i really dont think i did so i cant figure this out...and i cant even talk to that person cuz its like ....... isnt giving me the time of day... but that person used to talk to me almost all the time so that is one of the worst things right now
then there is a discussion of replacement between some ppl in my group... but its not a question of replacement as much as it is intrusion... i feel that this person spends more time with my friends than i do.. and recently its only becuase i am still quite immobile... i dont think im the only one that has realized that there is not a problem but a disturbance...
then i have the usual guy problems... or lack there of a guy guy problems... and i dont like that either... i want someone older... but if i find a guy my age i dont think it would be terrible... and its not like i want a b/f jst to have one... i want that feeling that someone else needs me.. if that makes sense... but im not gunna go into detail on this cuz its stupid so
we have the family problems... which arent really problems they are just annoyances or disruptions in life... i dont feel like im doing anything right by my parents... and it always seems like im doing something wrong... i just feel like im letting them down... especially academically but im doing well in everything now so i dont see why they still have such a problem with me... i was told that too many activities are gunna bring me down... so far ive proved them wrong... so ha! put that in ur pipe and smoke it..
lastly... i think... sports... im out til next spring as of now... my parents want me to do cross country in the fall... i wouldnt mind doing it cuz volleyball is out of the question for next year... but my doctor said low impact running cuz i have a shallow groove for my kneecap so i dont know what to do... and im so proud of the jv girls!!! they beat bg...i just hate that i wasnt a part of it... they are an amazing group of girls tho .. i started pt today... my knee was really sore like an hour later... so i got to stay home from school... which was nice cuz i needed a break from all this stuff... but anyways... im almost normal i just have to really work on getting the muscle tone and strength back so ive gotta work really hard and im gunna do it cuz i dont wanna have to deal with this crap anymore! which i think is the main reason all this stuff is going down... im so depressed lately and that causes me to be bitchy and somewhat intolerable i guess... idk but i feel like my life is going down this path and i cant steer off of it cuz i cant control anything... i hate with a passion of not being able to control the things that are going on in my life... ive lost control of everything...
so now its a matter of getting everything back on track... so i gotta mend everything with myself first... physically and emotionally... then i think ill be able to fix things with everyone else... but i really want to fix things with the one that is not acknowledging me cuz that is the person that is hurting me the most andi think if i dont i really will be lost for a long time if not forever...
sorry this is so depressing but that is just whats been going on and how i feel so i dont mean to bring you down i just gotta get it out
.:*kathleen*:.