BC Barbies
BC Barbies
Vancouver Barbie:
This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a
Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble.
She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of
being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with
Paxil prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming
Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken
is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late." Available at
all Robson Street -area Starbucks retailers.
Whistler Barbie:
This Barbie is only sold at Le Chateau . She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible
or Hummer and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey." Also
available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available
with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation.
Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.
Vancouver Downtown Eastside Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun,
switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab
kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be
purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop,
then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in
jail. Available at participaing pawn shops.
Langford Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer Gut Ken out of Sooke Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss
and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Camaro convertible
separately and get Canadian Tire money absolutely free. Boyfriend
Ken is in treatment. Available at any Fields Store. Sooke Barbie
sold separately.
Sooke Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans 2 sizes too
small, a "It's All About Me" T- shirt and a Guns and Roses
tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Lucky and comes with
Metallica CD's . She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the
gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last
big fight. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available
at Wal-Mart.
Duncan Barbie:
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus
pass. Also included is a 2 litre of pop an income assistance cheque.
Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional.
Available at Value Village.
Salt Spring Island Barbie:
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long
straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken
doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a
free rainbow flag sticker. Available at the Ferry terminal.
James Bay Barbie:
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out
at Tim Horton's. Likes to "experiment," but will never commit.
This model is being phased out.