Fear Itself

[baby_girl1644]

So, I could just be acting emotional because of my period, but i am just afraid of a lot of things that are going on right now. want a list? well here you go

1. Money
2. College
3. Friends
4. Where I am going to be in one year
5. Boyfriend

1. Money: lets start out by saying, I still have no job. I've applied places, but have not heard back from any of them. I need 175 dollars for college orientation soon. without a job, i can't go to orientation because i won't be able to pay for it. Now, I'm more than willing to buy things for my friends, like chips and stuff, but it's a slap in the face when they say "I'm going to go buy my own food anyways." i spent 10 dollars on food tonight for praise band. 10 dollars out of 26 that i worked 7 hours to get. If i knew that only like 2 people were going to eat said chips, i would not have bought them. I just don't know what I'm going to do about saving money for the expenses that are going to come soon.

2. College: This kinda comes back to the money thing. I don't have the money to pay for any of it right now. I'm also just scared of leaving. This is something i want to do, but i also think "maybe this isn't what I'm supposed to do right now" and i don't want to wait, but i might have too. i just don't know

3. Where I'm going to be in a year: partially the college thing. i just don't know if I'm actually going to be at college, or if I'm going to still be at home, or where I'm going...its not fun

4. Friends: as much as i hate to admit it, I defiantly have lost some pretty good friends in the past 8 months. It's scary because if you don't have people to talk with, your basically not dealing with your problems. I do have a few people i can talk too, but ultimately not that many that i would tell everything too.

5. Boyfriend: So, we've been together for 6 months now, and we still can't go out alone together...its dumb. Mostly what bothers me though is the fact that he might be going to Chicago for an apprenticeship opportunity, and i would probably still be here in MI. i don't want him to be so far away, but i also don't want to stop him from doing something that would help him in life so much. i don't know what is going to happen with the Chicago thing for sure though, so I'm trying not to worry about it.

over all, I'm not very good with how things are going right now. I'm trying to let go and give this to God, but it isn't easy. Please just pray for me right now...i could really use it.

Beth