Goodbye,
I'm sitting here thinking about my reality. The truth is that I am alone. And there is no one who I have actually gone and hung out with. There is no longer any point of staying. Mine is not an easy path, the road is always incomplete. I have no friends. I spend my day locked in this house. My life is trivial and has no meaning. I no longer have the urge to work hard at anything. I am the biggest failure of anyone in my family. And that is saying a lot. I no longer see the purpose of breathing. Or the beauty of words. I no longer even belong in this world. I hide behind the curtains and for just once I wish that I was on the stage. But I have no such luck. And the saddest part is that somehow, I keep this stupid girlhood fantasy in the back of my mind. This thought that perhaps I am different or special in some obscure fashion. That when my birthday comes somehow I will be spirited away and be brought to my real family. The shear impact of the fact that I love dreaming, that I wish I could stay in this powder puff fantasy makes me feel a deep regret. I need to just do it. 'Make my final decision to be or not to be. To stay behind the curtain or make my grand debut and try until I succeed. And if I am to be. What to be? My future is screwed anyway. I have no high school education. I just have no idea. Perhaps for now it will be full of baby steps. I know all of my problems and I know what I am right now. But I have never asked the proper questions. Who am I really? What is the truest form of my destiny? I have the feeling I already know but, I must uncover it again. And here I will no longer sit contemplating the ifs or why nots. This world will never be the same again and I will never be the same. I have to run. I have to know.