(no subject)

[baby__b]

this hurts so much, my heart literally hurts. I never would have thought this would happen to him, that id be writing this. You text me just a few days ago, just a few days. You wanted me to spend the night and you'd promise you'd make breakfast. The last time we hung out you referred to it as a date. I've never fully lost my feelings for you, i never looked down on our relationship. You were amazing to me and im so lucky we've remained friends all these years. Why? Why would something like this happen to someone so amazing, someone who enjoyed life so much? I dont want to feel like this, i dont want any of our friends to feel like tihs. I just want him back, i wish this was a bad joke and he'd come out saying surprise and we'd all throw him a big party. Being in santa cruz is so hard on me right now, being at the 418, downtown where we spent alot of time together. Just looking towards the boardwalk brings me to tears, our first date there and the house down the street from it we hung out a few times. The hardest part though is driving past the exit to your house, i would be so excited to get there when id go to see you, it meant i was so close. This halloween i went to the same pumpkin patch that we went to with your family, that was my favorite halloween. We got the pumpkins, went to the street fair. Halloween night you came to my house and we watched scary movies. The time we went to the movies for a date and we were wearing matching clothes (unintentionally) but nevertheless it was cute and it seemed to happen alot. The time you drove from santa cruz to salinas to pick me up and take me to that show in san jose then drove me home and drove back to santa cruz. When you asked me to go on our first date you didnt ask to just hang out you actually asked if id like to go on a date. When you asked me to be your girlfriend over the phone and i kept saying "so im your girflriend now?" haha. I'd have to stand on my car to kiss you, and when we would hold hands id have to lift my arm to reach yours. You were everyone's giant.

I love you patrick, i love you so much and i'll never forget our times together.
these were my favorite times...