warning: this is a rant. Ignore, or read.
Hello all! I haven't been on here in a while thought i might update and or vent to whoever is out there...I've been an insomniac for....nearly 5 months. I have been a bitter, miserable, poor excuse for a human being all because of the piling on of life's shit... I am absolutely miserable right now. If it could go wrong, it has.
I have crashed my car into a stone wall. I loved that car. I am now stuck with a Buick that i hate. I cant tell you how much it sucks.
Mom and dad are good for the time being. However, I want need to move out. Mother expects me to be this amazingly brilliant girl with everything going for her, straight A's, happy, home all the time, enjoying my family. Instead she has made my life a living hell. She loves me, yes, but she needs to let go of me. Just leave me alone and don't tell me what to do.
The insomnia all started this summer when i had a job nannying. It made my life a living hell. I hated it and it has made me make a career switch. I now despise children. Thank you, Jesse David Fig. I had to deal with whiny, spoiled children, misbehaved dogs, cats who couldnt use the litterbox and a clueless mother. Oh, btw, $60 a day for 9 hours a day...just in case you were thinking it was worth it from all the money i must have been making.
The love of my life for 3 and a half years has decided its a good idea to spend some time alone. Now is not a good time for this. I don't understand. We were happy. We were in love, we meant the most to each other. Granted there were things that needed fixing, but making me miserable isnt helping. I have contemplated so many ways to fix this or make it better but none of them have worked. I am going out of my mind. I'm trying to find peace somewhere but it just isnt coming...I want to be happy again. He is not my only source of happiness, i know this. But i'll be damned if some of the happiest moments of my life weren't spent with him. I'm absolutely miserable and I cant help it. I havent stopped crying in 3 days and its just picked up again from a while ago. I miss him terribly and I would do everything i could to fix all this...
So that's my story for now. Its going to suck for a while I fear...
I have crashed my car into a stone wall. I loved that car. I am now stuck with a Buick that i hate. I cant tell you how much it sucks.
Mom and dad are good for the time being. However, I want need to move out. Mother expects me to be this amazingly brilliant girl with everything going for her, straight A's, happy, home all the time, enjoying my family. Instead she has made my life a living hell. She loves me, yes, but she needs to let go of me. Just leave me alone and don't tell me what to do.
The insomnia all started this summer when i had a job nannying. It made my life a living hell. I hated it and it has made me make a career switch. I now despise children. Thank you, Jesse David Fig. I had to deal with whiny, spoiled children, misbehaved dogs, cats who couldnt use the litterbox and a clueless mother. Oh, btw, $60 a day for 9 hours a day...just in case you were thinking it was worth it from all the money i must have been making.
The love of my life for 3 and a half years has decided its a good idea to spend some time alone. Now is not a good time for this. I don't understand. We were happy. We were in love, we meant the most to each other. Granted there were things that needed fixing, but making me miserable isnt helping. I have contemplated so many ways to fix this or make it better but none of them have worked. I am going out of my mind. I'm trying to find peace somewhere but it just isnt coming...I want to be happy again. He is not my only source of happiness, i know this. But i'll be damned if some of the happiest moments of my life weren't spent with him. I'm absolutely miserable and I cant help it. I havent stopped crying in 3 days and its just picked up again from a while ago. I miss him terribly and I would do everything i could to fix all this...
So that's my story for now. Its going to suck for a while I fear...