Bank Holiday Bonanza!
Why do buses run on wonky time when it's a bank holiday? Just one of life's little mysteries. Like, why did they make 4 Leprechaun films?! Or was it 5...? I'm sure the fourth one was in the Hood. Which makes the next logical step 'space'. I know Critters 4 was in space, so was Hellraiser 4, that's probably what's confusing me. I mean, Jason Vorhees managed 8 films before he got stuck in outer space (he's not in the first one, remember, which leaves nine films with him in, the ninth being Jason X [also the first film to abandon the Friday moniker] and I'm not counting that one in the aforementioned 8, obviously) so it stands to reason another horror franchise could last a bit longer before the protaganist gets jettisoned into space. After all, Micheal Myers and Freddy Kreuger still need to find an excuse - and two new films featuring these characters are currently being planned to reinvigorate interest in their respective series - although both films are being discussed as prequels rather than interstellar slash-fests. Admittedly, finding a reason for both of these particular chaps to be in space is a little tricky, although I'm pretty certain astronauts dream (which covers Freddy), but The Shape would have to, I don't know, follow a member of his family into orbit, which is a little trickier - ALTHOUGH both Micheal and Freddy have a habit of being drawn towards family members...maybe that's where all these 'new pretenders' to the slasher crown go wrong - they spend too long chasing nubile teenagers, as opposed to shambling through a space station. Therefore, I propose a new franchise, starring Buzz Aldrin, who gets killed whilst advising NASA on some new space shuttle or something, then returns as an undead slasher who gets his revenge on all astronauts ever, working his way through the NASA heirachy until he confronts the boss of NASA who also happens to be...his BROTHER! Work into this a subplot that sees his brother as a corrupt official who secretly planned Buzz's messy demise, for some reason, offering the audience a hook so as to sympathise with the rampaging Aldrin. I think I'm done now. Apologies for the complete lack of correct grammatical structure. Of this post.
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I'm now watching Wishmaser 4 - yippee! The Wishmaster has big goofy ears and OH THERE WE GO 20 minutes in and the first tit shot. Classy. So yeah, the Wishmaster in this one looks stupid, not scary. Although just before the boobs he did peel some guy's face off. And now he's disguised as the bloke and is after some lass for some reason!!! LOOK OUT CRIPPLED GUY! He's trying to tempt you into making a wish so he can have your soul! Oh, now he's sad. Turns out the English version of the Horror Channel (which has nothing to do with the American one) is actually starting to show some decent films, instead of naff 50's b movies that feature submarines or whatever. Ah there we go, a man's just ripped his own tongue out, sliced his own nose off, and is now sticking a knife right into his mouth, through his cheek. Now he's blown his brains out (but we didn't see that). God bless the straight-to-video world of bad horror films! Without it, we wouldn't have Wishmaster 4's, Hellraiser 7's (seriously) and Return Of The Living Dead 4 & 5 (although these are supposedly complete shit). Film 2000 also wouldn't make any money, for which the world really would be a MUCH better place.
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I'm now watching Wishmaser 4 - yippee! The Wishmaster has big goofy ears and OH THERE WE GO 20 minutes in and the first tit shot. Classy. So yeah, the Wishmaster in this one looks stupid, not scary. Although just before the boobs he did peel some guy's face off. And now he's disguised as the bloke and is after some lass for some reason!!! LOOK OUT CRIPPLED GUY! He's trying to tempt you into making a wish so he can have your soul! Oh, now he's sad. Turns out the English version of the Horror Channel (which has nothing to do with the American one) is actually starting to show some decent films, instead of naff 50's b movies that feature submarines or whatever. Ah there we go, a man's just ripped his own tongue out, sliced his own nose off, and is now sticking a knife right into his mouth, through his cheek. Now he's blown his brains out (but we didn't see that). God bless the straight-to-video world of bad horror films! Without it, we wouldn't have Wishmaster 4's, Hellraiser 7's (seriously) and Return Of The Living Dead 4 & 5 (although these are supposedly complete shit). Film 2000 also wouldn't make any money, for which the world really would be a MUCH better place.