(no subject)
From the second I walked in basically, I made it known that I wanted attention. That I wanted you. And you said "you'll get me later". Which, well, isn't what I wanted, but is something I was willing to settle for because you'd just gotten off work, you were in the middle of a game thing, and yes, I WOULD get you later. However. When Later does arrive, that's what I expect. You. And I don't mean I wanted you in a lets-sit-on-the-couch-together-and-look-at-lolcats way. I mean, I want you, let's talk, let's have a conversation. Let's interact. But we didn't. And then you teased me! And then we laid in bed and watched Grey's and what did you do? You rolled over and got ready to go to sleep. And when I told you that I wanted to talk, and reminded you that I'd mentioned to you earlier how I was going to want this, you sighed and rolled your eyes.
YOU DON'T GET TO SIGH AND ROLL YOUR FREAKING EYES. I told you that's what I wanted! You knew full well! And you told me that we could. It's your fault it didn't happen. Yes, I get to blame you for that.
And goddammit, I don't mind being second to something important, like work. That I can understand. You're 22 years old, you can't let a girl you've been dating 4 months get in the way of a potential raise or work position or anything like that. That's gambling with your whole life. But I'm not going to be second to WORLD OF WARCRAFT. I refuse! I refuse to be second to a video/computer game of any sort for that matter! I have wasted too much time on too many boys who've done that already. That's one thing I'm not putting up with from anyone else any more. I've already learned that lesson, let's move on.
For once I would like to be first in my boyfriend's life. The way he is always first in mine. I've never come first before! And they always are. I'm tired of it. I'm special. I'm worth loving. And I know that you know that. And I know that you show it to me. And I know that you think that you're doing a good job by texting me back like I asked. But how many times do I have to say it? I want quality over quantity. I don't care that we spend a lot of time together, most of that isn't hanging out, it's sitting in the same room. It's sleeping. I want QUALITY time together. To be honest, hanging out all day every day, doesn't mean a whole lot. I've done that with every guy friend I've ever had. That means we're friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend. Corwin and I even slept in the same bed for practically an entire summer, without anything ever happening. Without being anything more than friends. I need a little more than that if you're going to prove to me that you care about me as a girlfriend, and not as just some girl friend.
And somewhere through all of this you know it all, so when you get mad you know you can't actually get mad, which is why you roll your eyes in the first place I'm sure. And since you know all of this, and we've already had several talks about it, I'm going to let it slide and rant about it on the internet instead of in your face. I get that you need time to make an adjustment, that you're not perfect, that some days even though I need something, your needs are gonna be the exact opposite. And I'm starting to realize that you've never really done this in the way that we are doing this, before. I get that you're mostly oblivious and that the things you do sometimes aren't because you're being malicious (like my overactive imagination likes to lead me to believe, after dealing with so many people who ARE), but because you're just not on the same page as me. But ugh, training boys is sometimes a tedious process. I suck at delayed gratification, and no one can change over night, so I guess all I get for now is instant frustration instead...
YOU DON'T GET TO SIGH AND ROLL YOUR FREAKING EYES. I told you that's what I wanted! You knew full well! And you told me that we could. It's your fault it didn't happen. Yes, I get to blame you for that.
And goddammit, I don't mind being second to something important, like work. That I can understand. You're 22 years old, you can't let a girl you've been dating 4 months get in the way of a potential raise or work position or anything like that. That's gambling with your whole life. But I'm not going to be second to WORLD OF WARCRAFT. I refuse! I refuse to be second to a video/computer game of any sort for that matter! I have wasted too much time on too many boys who've done that already. That's one thing I'm not putting up with from anyone else any more. I've already learned that lesson, let's move on.
For once I would like to be first in my boyfriend's life. The way he is always first in mine. I've never come first before! And they always are. I'm tired of it. I'm special. I'm worth loving. And I know that you know that. And I know that you show it to me. And I know that you think that you're doing a good job by texting me back like I asked. But how many times do I have to say it? I want quality over quantity. I don't care that we spend a lot of time together, most of that isn't hanging out, it's sitting in the same room. It's sleeping. I want QUALITY time together. To be honest, hanging out all day every day, doesn't mean a whole lot. I've done that with every guy friend I've ever had. That means we're friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend. Corwin and I even slept in the same bed for practically an entire summer, without anything ever happening. Without being anything more than friends. I need a little more than that if you're going to prove to me that you care about me as a girlfriend, and not as just some girl friend.
And somewhere through all of this you know it all, so when you get mad you know you can't actually get mad, which is why you roll your eyes in the first place I'm sure. And since you know all of this, and we've already had several talks about it, I'm going to let it slide and rant about it on the internet instead of in your face. I get that you need time to make an adjustment, that you're not perfect, that some days even though I need something, your needs are gonna be the exact opposite. And I'm starting to realize that you've never really done this in the way that we are doing this, before. I get that you're mostly oblivious and that the things you do sometimes aren't because you're being malicious (like my overactive imagination likes to lead me to believe, after dealing with so many people who ARE), but because you're just not on the same page as me. But ugh, training boys is sometimes a tedious process. I suck at delayed gratification, and no one can change over night, so I guess all I get for now is instant frustration instead...