(no subject)
I guess what hurts the most is knowing that you used to at least pretend you wanted to talk to me and now it's a reality that you really don't, you'd rather talk to Lydia. A part of me; all of me wishes you'd go back to pretending, but it wouldn't be fair to Lydia and it wouldn't be fair to you and it'd just fuck me up more, but I don't want our 4-5 day romances to end. I don't want to get used but I don't want to feel like this anymore. Because feeling like this everyday from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep is so much worse than feeling that you just got broken up with for a day or two. It scares me that you may not ever come back to me. I want to be happy again, and even when you were lying to me and I knew it I'm still happiest when I'm with you, and I'd give anything to feel that again. Even my pride, dignity, sanity, and my heart.