change
i've realized that i really don't do well with change. well, that's not true. if it's expected then i'm okay with it. but if it's sudden then i get annoyed and/or upset. i wonder why that happens. even the smallest thing annoys me. i think it goes back to the whole trust issue. say i was to leave, i'm trusting that when i come back, everything'll be the way i left it. if it's not the way i left it, then it would discourage the faith that i had when i left. it basically throws everything upside down. it's actually kinda weird considering i'm such a mess in general...
that's another reason why i don't like people changing plans on me. if they had told me that there's a possibility that they're gonna change it, then i'm okay with it when they actually do. i think the reason i dont like it when people change things on me so much is because in a way, i think of it as flaking. well, kinda. if it's postponing something then it's whatever. but it's cancelling then yes. even if it's before the time that whatever it is is supposed to happen. in a sense, i feel left in the dust.
which brings me to the point of trusting people. everytime i feel that way by someone, my trust for that person deteriorates just a little bit. or, what little trust i had. if it's someone i care about, i'll be mad just long enough for me to build the trust that they lost back up again (i think? i'm not too sure about this one yet) or maybe longer. or i tell myself that i trust them again and just kinda hide that bitterness away cuz no one likes to hold a grudge.
i wish i could trust...
my neighbors are really loud. i can hear them through the wall. like word for word. there's always this guy yelling...but i only ever hear him. nobody else. except this one time when he got in a fight with this girl. the girl was yelling back too.
that's another reason why i don't like people changing plans on me. if they had told me that there's a possibility that they're gonna change it, then i'm okay with it when they actually do. i think the reason i dont like it when people change things on me so much is because in a way, i think of it as flaking. well, kinda. if it's postponing something then it's whatever. but it's cancelling then yes. even if it's before the time that whatever it is is supposed to happen. in a sense, i feel left in the dust.
which brings me to the point of trusting people. everytime i feel that way by someone, my trust for that person deteriorates just a little bit. or, what little trust i had. if it's someone i care about, i'll be mad just long enough for me to build the trust that they lost back up again (i think? i'm not too sure about this one yet) or maybe longer. or i tell myself that i trust them again and just kinda hide that bitterness away cuz no one likes to hold a grudge.
i wish i could trust...
my neighbors are really loud. i can hear them through the wall. like word for word. there's always this guy yelling...but i only ever hear him. nobody else. except this one time when he got in a fight with this girl. the girl was yelling back too.