Is it possible to be the same person with everyone?
It's a good question. My original answer was no, it's not. I started to write something about it, and came up with this:
There are many different facets to your personality. There are intellectual parts, silly parts, funny parts, melodramatic parts, and so on. When I'm in a silly mood, I have certain friends that I want to talk to, or more to the point, when I see these certain friends I tend to revert to that silly mood. I don't deviate to a different aspect of my personality, because it is comfortable to be the same around that person.
Although, when I'm feeling melodramatic, I tend to call other people. And when I'm with those other people, I act much more melodramatically than I would with, say, the silly friends. And I feel like I can't be my silly self with my melodramatic friends. Does this make sense so far?
It's not that I pretend to be someone I'm not. I am many someones, and different parts are dominant at specific times, while the others lie dormant for that period, until it is their turn to take over. I find that whatever part of me is dominant at the time is due, in part, to the person I am with. Or the person I am talking to, thinking about, etc.
Maybe it comes down to whether or not you want everyone to see all of you. Maybe people who have problems getting close to others block off parts of them, and don't allow a person to see all of them, so they don't have to feel close to that person. Or maybe it really is impossible to truly be yourself.. every aspect of yourself.. with one person. To show one person all the different aspects to your personality, ie your whole self.
Now, that still makes sense now. But I walked away from it and thought some more, and after I created a color coded flow chart, I had a few thoughts branched off of this. It is much harder to put into words without the chart.
I used to think that relationships ended because people change. But maybe that isn't necessarily true. Heather and I ceased to be as close as we were because we felt the other had changed, and was no longer the person that we loved. But did we truly change? Maybe we had gotten so comfortable with the other over the years that we finally felt able to show the rest of ourself. Maybe different aspects of her personality was coming out, and I didn't recognize it as the person I loved, and the same was true with her.
I was also thinking that the person we are with dictates what part of ourselves we show. For example, I have been told by a few of my friends that they felt I was very good with words. Lauri told me that the reason she accepted me into the Associate program was because I was so eloquent with my words that she changed her mind to see things from my point of view. I remember Kristen thanking me for helping her find the right words with which to talk to Greg about how she was feeling. My father once told me that he was amazed at my vocabulary and my ability to express myself. I had been told by my teachers in high school that they hoped I would go on to journalism, or some other form of writing, because I did it well. Then, I wrote something for someone, and he asked me if I had used a thesauras. He had been surprised with how well I had written it, I suppose. It wasn't that I was hurt by what he said, or even aware of it at the time, but I now feel like I am less articulate with him. When Ben asks me how I am, I tend to say a simple one word answer, like "fine". Or when he asks me a question, I often reply with "I don't know". I sometimes want to discuss something with him, but hold back. Could it all be because of that one time? And if he had said something different, would I act differently around him now?
But then, maybe it's not showing different aspects of yourself that curbs the relationship. Maybe it's the inability to show different aspects. What I mean by that is, people can get pigeon-holed into acting one way all the time, and after a while it may get to be too much. Maybe you get sick of always being so serious with a person, and instead of staying in that relationship, you get out, so you can be with someone else who allows you to show a part of you that you feel is more representational.
Maybe instead of changing, you simply discover more aspects to your personality. Maybe by staying around the same people all your life, you stagnate. Every new person you meet has the potential to help bring out a new side to you, and without meeting new people, you would never have to chance to discover all there is to you. And maybe, as you get to know yourself better, you are better able to be your whole self with everyone, therefore enabling yourself to be the same person with everyone. I guess I haven't really reached any conclusion then, and I need to think about it some more.
This made so much more sense in chart format.
There are many different facets to your personality. There are intellectual parts, silly parts, funny parts, melodramatic parts, and so on. When I'm in a silly mood, I have certain friends that I want to talk to, or more to the point, when I see these certain friends I tend to revert to that silly mood. I don't deviate to a different aspect of my personality, because it is comfortable to be the same around that person.
Although, when I'm feeling melodramatic, I tend to call other people. And when I'm with those other people, I act much more melodramatically than I would with, say, the silly friends. And I feel like I can't be my silly self with my melodramatic friends. Does this make sense so far?
It's not that I pretend to be someone I'm not. I am many someones, and different parts are dominant at specific times, while the others lie dormant for that period, until it is their turn to take over. I find that whatever part of me is dominant at the time is due, in part, to the person I am with. Or the person I am talking to, thinking about, etc.
Maybe it comes down to whether or not you want everyone to see all of you. Maybe people who have problems getting close to others block off parts of them, and don't allow a person to see all of them, so they don't have to feel close to that person. Or maybe it really is impossible to truly be yourself.. every aspect of yourself.. with one person. To show one person all the different aspects to your personality, ie your whole self.
Now, that still makes sense now. But I walked away from it and thought some more, and after I created a color coded flow chart, I had a few thoughts branched off of this. It is much harder to put into words without the chart.
I used to think that relationships ended because people change. But maybe that isn't necessarily true. Heather and I ceased to be as close as we were because we felt the other had changed, and was no longer the person that we loved. But did we truly change? Maybe we had gotten so comfortable with the other over the years that we finally felt able to show the rest of ourself. Maybe different aspects of her personality was coming out, and I didn't recognize it as the person I loved, and the same was true with her.
I was also thinking that the person we are with dictates what part of ourselves we show. For example, I have been told by a few of my friends that they felt I was very good with words. Lauri told me that the reason she accepted me into the Associate program was because I was so eloquent with my words that she changed her mind to see things from my point of view. I remember Kristen thanking me for helping her find the right words with which to talk to Greg about how she was feeling. My father once told me that he was amazed at my vocabulary and my ability to express myself. I had been told by my teachers in high school that they hoped I would go on to journalism, or some other form of writing, because I did it well. Then, I wrote something for someone, and he asked me if I had used a thesauras. He had been surprised with how well I had written it, I suppose. It wasn't that I was hurt by what he said, or even aware of it at the time, but I now feel like I am less articulate with him. When Ben asks me how I am, I tend to say a simple one word answer, like "fine". Or when he asks me a question, I often reply with "I don't know". I sometimes want to discuss something with him, but hold back. Could it all be because of that one time? And if he had said something different, would I act differently around him now?
But then, maybe it's not showing different aspects of yourself that curbs the relationship. Maybe it's the inability to show different aspects. What I mean by that is, people can get pigeon-holed into acting one way all the time, and after a while it may get to be too much. Maybe you get sick of always being so serious with a person, and instead of staying in that relationship, you get out, so you can be with someone else who allows you to show a part of you that you feel is more representational.
Maybe instead of changing, you simply discover more aspects to your personality. Maybe by staying around the same people all your life, you stagnate. Every new person you meet has the potential to help bring out a new side to you, and without meeting new people, you would never have to chance to discover all there is to you. And maybe, as you get to know yourself better, you are better able to be your whole self with everyone, therefore enabling yourself to be the same person with everyone. I guess I haven't really reached any conclusion then, and I need to think about it some more.
This made so much more sense in chart format.