tears of sadness*--

[babi_dee07]

sigh* i fell asleep on the couch and well i had another dream about dad...* this one was different....* =( he kept saying dont blame yourself?.... i guess my dreams are offically based on my thoughts, because the dream pretty much read my mind... i have thought about him a lot today... i guess its just getting clearer that the school year is almost over, and after this i only have one more year... i really wish he could be here... sigh* im sitting here crying my eyes out... how is it even possible not to blame his death on me? i mean seriously, i was suppose to be there... ugh* how could i be so stupid!!! in my dream he was pretty much appologizing to me for doing everything...and putting me through all of this... =( thats really all i can rememeber about the dream.... sigh* i honestly believe that if i was at home so i could go to his grave and everything that it might help me alot, but no...im fucking stuck here =( my life has been so fucked up for the past like 3 years, and im sick of it.... what in the hell did i do to desurve this... no one desurves this... =( i wish i could take whatever i did back, because i miss him so fucking much... ive thought about going back to his grave when i come in, but i dont want to go by myself, because im seriously going to need some support.... it is so hard to face the fact that he is actually gone.... *crys* i dunno what to do to help myself feel any better....if i did, i would do it.... i dont want to totally forget, but i honestly want to go itleast a month without crying about it.... sigh* i sware to god i need therapy  =( ive been offered it, but i didnt know if i could express my feelings with someone that i dont know ya know.... guys i really need some support...please leave me some comments.... but im off to call seth, i really need someone to talk to right now....
i love yall
desirea*

i love you seth