The Three Chairs, a manifesto, and public urination
A really cool thing happened this morning. I opened a book and let it fall open at random to see what I was meant to read and it was a story called "The Three Chairs." This was the first time I'd opened this book so I read this section just to see if I would like it. I loved it so much I was about to type the whole thing into an email for da Mo (I really wanted her to read this and I have no work today so it's perfect timing)...but just as I propped open the book and got ready to start typing, I thought I should at least TRY to do a search just in case someone else loved this book so much they already typed it up for me. I know it's a longshot but whatever. So I found the website of the author, found the link that described this book, then saw a link that said "read an excerpt from this book" and it was The Three Chairs! And it was the ONLY excerpt from that book they'd posted on her web site. It was way too perfect to be a coincidence. So I sent Mo the link and explained how I came to find it and we are both so excited. These little things are so precious - and paying attention to them (rather than shrugging them off) is what brings magic into your life. I should acknowledge the book/author: "You Own the Power" Rosemary Altea
Apart from the fab guidance to this inspirational book and the ability to share it with Mo, I am still here at work on a cold and windy Friday, wishing the time would move faster! It helps when you have work and you're distracted from staring at the clock. But all I've been doing is finding vaguely work-related topics to do searches on, trying to at least feel like I'm contributing to my job by being here today. It's kinda fun to write in my journal and email and stuff, but after a few hours of it I start to feel like I'm wasting everybody's time, well mostly my own, by sitting here "pretending" to work. What is the point of that, really? I think a person should go home when they have no work. The only restriction on your attendance at work should be whether you're getting the work done. Like if you can get your job done well in 30 hours/week instead of 40, then you go ahead and take Friday off. Your boss doesn't even really have the power to keep you at your desk. You might tell your boss how you want to handle your work schedule just to keep them informed and they may even have to approve it in certain cases, but the rule of 9-5 Monday - Friday no longer exists. If they see your work is suffering and you're a big screwup and just taking advantage of the flexible work schedule, they can your ass and try someone else. Am I making any sense cuz somehow this sounds completely brilliant.
Another work-related "inspired thought" - every now and then it hits me that it's really crude and a lot to ask for co-workers to share a public restroom. Like, we all deal with each other all day in a semi-professional manner, troubleshooting problems, discussing new ideas, saying things like, "I'll get right on that," and "Let's revisit this in a week to check our progress," and then you run into each other in the bathroom and you're like, "Oh, hello, nice day we're having, pardon me while I walk into this tiny cubicle where this thin metal wall is going to completely barricade me from you as I pull down my pants and squat so you can listen to the echoing waterfall I'm creating, which we will both ignore, and when I run into you in the hallway we'll nod politely at each other." Other days I think it's great that we are all so human and comfortable sharing all the parts of being human, and of course most days I don't think a thing about it. But the days it hits me how vulgar it is to share urination space with someone I barely know, I have to talk myself out of it and do a reality check. Cuz there was a time a few years ago, before I found any deep meaning in my life and was a little out of control, where this moment would hit me and I would get really mad! I remember sitting in a stall that had a vent over it and somehow I became paranoid that the maintenance men could see me from there (they had a stairwell to the top of the building from inside the women's restroom, don't ask me how that got worked into the building plan, it should've been in the men's restroom if it had to be in a freaking bathroom). And I was having that moment where pissing with my coworkers seemed vile, and seeing that vent right next to the stairwell for the maintenance men, it kinda hit me that you always hear stories of peeping toms and it was certainly possible that someone could have found a way to use this vent to peep in to the stall I was in, so I was sitting on the toilet flipping off the vent and sneering so they could see I'd figured it out and I was pissed (while pissing)! That was such a weird angry paranoid moment. And when I think about times when I've gotten like that I start to think I can understand how people become crazy. I mean, if anyone could have seen me, they would've thought I was nutty. And they'd have been right, huh? Not like that's how I feel right now - I'm just vaguely irritated.
But, jeez, remembering that moment, what was up with that? I mean, I really hated that company and was probably having a stressful day and feeling no way to escape. I had a lot of days like that back then - I felt like a victim of my shitty work environment and the Type A personalities I had to work with. I used to kick copiers if they broke down on me in the middle of a copy job and yell FUCK if a manager asked me to do more than I felt I could handle and threaten to quit to get attention. I had so little knowledge of how much I was CREATING this crapola work life for myself. All I knew back then was I had to quit to be happy again. So I did quit, got a fantastically horrible job at an ad agency, started praying to be back in the familiar hellhole I'd just left, and ended up back there within a few months. I was pretty happy for a month or so before the old drudgery started in again. But it was around that time I got to be close to Melinda who challenged my belief system (or lack thereof) and things started to turn around. She really was the instigator of my first big shift. I will always honor her for that. It still amazes me that this young girl could come into my life and teach ME. And it amazes me that I let down my wall and let her in - I was so cynical and angry, and had no clue whatsoever of anything outside of being an atheist and that "life is unfair." Anyway, I am really going on about this. I have a lot swirling through my head lately.
Apart from the fab guidance to this inspirational book and the ability to share it with Mo, I am still here at work on a cold and windy Friday, wishing the time would move faster! It helps when you have work and you're distracted from staring at the clock. But all I've been doing is finding vaguely work-related topics to do searches on, trying to at least feel like I'm contributing to my job by being here today. It's kinda fun to write in my journal and email and stuff, but after a few hours of it I start to feel like I'm wasting everybody's time, well mostly my own, by sitting here "pretending" to work. What is the point of that, really? I think a person should go home when they have no work. The only restriction on your attendance at work should be whether you're getting the work done. Like if you can get your job done well in 30 hours/week instead of 40, then you go ahead and take Friday off. Your boss doesn't even really have the power to keep you at your desk. You might tell your boss how you want to handle your work schedule just to keep them informed and they may even have to approve it in certain cases, but the rule of 9-5 Monday - Friday no longer exists. If they see your work is suffering and you're a big screwup and just taking advantage of the flexible work schedule, they can your ass and try someone else. Am I making any sense cuz somehow this sounds completely brilliant.
Another work-related "inspired thought" - every now and then it hits me that it's really crude and a lot to ask for co-workers to share a public restroom. Like, we all deal with each other all day in a semi-professional manner, troubleshooting problems, discussing new ideas, saying things like, "I'll get right on that," and "Let's revisit this in a week to check our progress," and then you run into each other in the bathroom and you're like, "Oh, hello, nice day we're having, pardon me while I walk into this tiny cubicle where this thin metal wall is going to completely barricade me from you as I pull down my pants and squat so you can listen to the echoing waterfall I'm creating, which we will both ignore, and when I run into you in the hallway we'll nod politely at each other." Other days I think it's great that we are all so human and comfortable sharing all the parts of being human, and of course most days I don't think a thing about it. But the days it hits me how vulgar it is to share urination space with someone I barely know, I have to talk myself out of it and do a reality check. Cuz there was a time a few years ago, before I found any deep meaning in my life and was a little out of control, where this moment would hit me and I would get really mad! I remember sitting in a stall that had a vent over it and somehow I became paranoid that the maintenance men could see me from there (they had a stairwell to the top of the building from inside the women's restroom, don't ask me how that got worked into the building plan, it should've been in the men's restroom if it had to be in a freaking bathroom). And I was having that moment where pissing with my coworkers seemed vile, and seeing that vent right next to the stairwell for the maintenance men, it kinda hit me that you always hear stories of peeping toms and it was certainly possible that someone could have found a way to use this vent to peep in to the stall I was in, so I was sitting on the toilet flipping off the vent and sneering so they could see I'd figured it out and I was pissed (while pissing)! That was such a weird angry paranoid moment. And when I think about times when I've gotten like that I start to think I can understand how people become crazy. I mean, if anyone could have seen me, they would've thought I was nutty. And they'd have been right, huh? Not like that's how I feel right now - I'm just vaguely irritated.
But, jeez, remembering that moment, what was up with that? I mean, I really hated that company and was probably having a stressful day and feeling no way to escape. I had a lot of days like that back then - I felt like a victim of my shitty work environment and the Type A personalities I had to work with. I used to kick copiers if they broke down on me in the middle of a copy job and yell FUCK if a manager asked me to do more than I felt I could handle and threaten to quit to get attention. I had so little knowledge of how much I was CREATING this crapola work life for myself. All I knew back then was I had to quit to be happy again. So I did quit, got a fantastically horrible job at an ad agency, started praying to be back in the familiar hellhole I'd just left, and ended up back there within a few months. I was pretty happy for a month or so before the old drudgery started in again. But it was around that time I got to be close to Melinda who challenged my belief system (or lack thereof) and things started to turn around. She really was the instigator of my first big shift. I will always honor her for that. It still amazes me that this young girl could come into my life and teach ME. And it amazes me that I let down my wall and let her in - I was so cynical and angry, and had no clue whatsoever of anything outside of being an atheist and that "life is unfair." Anyway, I am really going on about this. I have a lot swirling through my head lately.