Self-hatred
I hate my body so much, I try my best not to eat too much, but it's just so hard sometimes. I really want to be 110 pounds. The lowest weight i've been is 113 pounds and i loved it. I gained most of the weight back though. I don't know how much i weigh right now. I don't like to weigh myself anymore. I started taking laxatives to lose weight and it was actually working. I mean i know it's just water weight, but who cares. I count calories, i go to the gym almost everyday, but somehow i always seem to fuck it up. The guilt i feel after i eat is so unbearable sometimes. I can't even look at my body anymore. The only thing i look at in the mirror is my face. I think i'm so disgusting. People always tell me that i look fine the way i am, but they don't see what i see. Body image is everything to me, it's my life. I pulled away from everyone, the only
person i really talk to is my best friend, wayne, who is also my ex-boyfriend. Lately i've been really distant from my family and they don't like it when i don't talk to them. I know i'm being selfish, but i'm only trying to protect myself.
person i really talk to is my best friend, wayne, who is also my ex-boyfriend. Lately i've been really distant from my family and they don't like it when i don't talk to them. I know i'm being selfish, but i'm only trying to protect myself.