Wearing Me Down
I'm alone with Zoey tonight, which is fine except that my back hurts and she wanted nothing but to be held. Today's teaching stuff went well enough, minus the two fights and the tornado drill and the suffocating heat. I just watched.
I'm thinking a lot about writing a Chattanooga sucks post, but what'd be the point? I can only list a few different things...Well, let's see.
We'll start with my neighborhood, Lookout Valley. Where everybody knows everybody, and your private life is good gossip for everybody else. Where the term "street legal" has never been important to any of the police that live here. Where dirt bikes and 4-wheelers can keep your infant up anytime you want her to nap. Where you can almost hit said dirt bikes and 4-wheelers upon most entrances or exits to the neighborhood. Where ants infest everything. I opened a box on a phone pole yesterday to see what it was (since it was in front of my house), and it was a coupla wires and a coupla thousand tiny ants. Several fell off when I let go of the lid. Where the landlord cuts down the tree in the front yard and leaves it for decoration. Where every minor holiday is the fourth of July again and again.
Let's ponder the police department. Not that I mind never being pulled over for breaking the speed limit, but when I'm doing 70 and the people all around me are upset that they can't pass, something's wrong. The police have the same speed traps around the city, and only pull people over in certain stretches (153 after construction comes to mind), and not others (past downtown on 24 comes to mind).
Let's think about the art scene. Few people support each other, artistically. I've heard more than one artist or poet or musician say that they can't get anyone to support their work AT ALL except for the friends they bully into attending. Even the talented folks don't get the respect they deserve, most of the time.
Let's talk about the provincialism, small-town feel. Mind you, it's no Fort Oglethorpe, but Chattanooga definitely has a "you're not from here, so you don't belong" feel to it. I've lived all over eastern Tennessee, and never felt as alienated as I have here, even after three years. If I had a flat in Chattanooga, I'm not sure when someone would stop to see if I needed help, whereas people would constantly stop in Johnson City when my car had any problem.
Let's mention my family's here. That's a negative in itself. I love them to death, but I shouldn't live this close to them.
Yeah, I failed to successfully start a Slam here, but I have yet to see a successful poetry reading at all. There's Rhyme N Chatt, but I don't think of them as a poetry reading so much as (as one local dj put it) poetic therapy. And I'm a member, because they're the best gig in town. But they're not particularly good, and they foster mediocrity in the ranks. There are some great poets there, but there are also the rest of them. Other than that, there are a couple of poetry readings at bookstores, and I've never had a high opinion of them. I also don't thrive on the drama that certain people bring to the scene, since it's not necessary at all to have a good event, but these people are all about the drama. And I gave up being the only donkey in town a few years ago, which made my life a bit easier.
I moved here three years ago because my family had a worst-case impression that my father was dying. He's dying slowly, VERY slowly (he could be around for several more years), and I've spent more than enough time down here, letting them drive both myself and my wife crazy.
If we'd stayed in Dayton, would I have made close to the same choices? Probably not. Would I have ended up teaching? Maybe. Do I regret the choices I made to get to this point? Not really, but I need a social structure that works. I need a life that works. It may take time, sure it will, but that's fine.
As T said in her journal, I'm at least not just bitching about it. I'm not sitting at the local coffee shops and complaining constantly about how bad this city sucks (unlike several people I've met). I'm working toward my exit. Also as T said, you have to work at making a social life in town, and I really don't have the time or energy to do that, and nobody much was offering any suggestions for a long time. I had someone move to town and ask what there was to do, and I had to struggle to find things for her. The people around here aren't quite what I'd call friendly to anyone they don't know, whether the locals are cool or not. Bah.
---
To be fair, let me mention a couple of positives: The walking bridge. The fact that the city works to improve sections of town over time, such as Frazier Avenue. Frazier used to be half-deserted hippie-town, and now it's more upscale (and safe) yet still bohemian. Coolidge Park. McKay's. Um...Rhythm And Brews is a great venue for shows. The Floating Men play here fairly often. The weather's usually nice, despite the allergy issues. Lookout Mountain, though snobbish, is quite scenic and is kitschy fun. 96.5 is a great radio station. The Pickle Barrel is a cool bar/restaurant that makes a pretty mean milkshake. There are some GREAT people here, if you can find them.
There. I've vented, probably more than necessary. It's been a bad day (please don't take my picture), so read into this what you will. I need to go to bed so I can go back to my not-going-well second half of my student teaching tomorrow, assuming Zoey sleeps through the night (or even if she doesn't).
I really don't hate this town, but sometimes that's a lie.
I'm thinking a lot about writing a Chattanooga sucks post, but what'd be the point? I can only list a few different things...Well, let's see.
We'll start with my neighborhood, Lookout Valley. Where everybody knows everybody, and your private life is good gossip for everybody else. Where the term "street legal" has never been important to any of the police that live here. Where dirt bikes and 4-wheelers can keep your infant up anytime you want her to nap. Where you can almost hit said dirt bikes and 4-wheelers upon most entrances or exits to the neighborhood. Where ants infest everything. I opened a box on a phone pole yesterday to see what it was (since it was in front of my house), and it was a coupla wires and a coupla thousand tiny ants. Several fell off when I let go of the lid. Where the landlord cuts down the tree in the front yard and leaves it for decoration. Where every minor holiday is the fourth of July again and again.
Let's ponder the police department. Not that I mind never being pulled over for breaking the speed limit, but when I'm doing 70 and the people all around me are upset that they can't pass, something's wrong. The police have the same speed traps around the city, and only pull people over in certain stretches (153 after construction comes to mind), and not others (past downtown on 24 comes to mind).
Let's think about the art scene. Few people support each other, artistically. I've heard more than one artist or poet or musician say that they can't get anyone to support their work AT ALL except for the friends they bully into attending. Even the talented folks don't get the respect they deserve, most of the time.
Let's talk about the provincialism, small-town feel. Mind you, it's no Fort Oglethorpe, but Chattanooga definitely has a "you're not from here, so you don't belong" feel to it. I've lived all over eastern Tennessee, and never felt as alienated as I have here, even after three years. If I had a flat in Chattanooga, I'm not sure when someone would stop to see if I needed help, whereas people would constantly stop in Johnson City when my car had any problem.
Let's mention my family's here. That's a negative in itself. I love them to death, but I shouldn't live this close to them.
Yeah, I failed to successfully start a Slam here, but I have yet to see a successful poetry reading at all. There's Rhyme N Chatt, but I don't think of them as a poetry reading so much as (as one local dj put it) poetic therapy. And I'm a member, because they're the best gig in town. But they're not particularly good, and they foster mediocrity in the ranks. There are some great poets there, but there are also the rest of them. Other than that, there are a couple of poetry readings at bookstores, and I've never had a high opinion of them. I also don't thrive on the drama that certain people bring to the scene, since it's not necessary at all to have a good event, but these people are all about the drama. And I gave up being the only donkey in town a few years ago, which made my life a bit easier.
I moved here three years ago because my family had a worst-case impression that my father was dying. He's dying slowly, VERY slowly (he could be around for several more years), and I've spent more than enough time down here, letting them drive both myself and my wife crazy.
If we'd stayed in Dayton, would I have made close to the same choices? Probably not. Would I have ended up teaching? Maybe. Do I regret the choices I made to get to this point? Not really, but I need a social structure that works. I need a life that works. It may take time, sure it will, but that's fine.
As T said in her journal, I'm at least not just bitching about it. I'm not sitting at the local coffee shops and complaining constantly about how bad this city sucks (unlike several people I've met). I'm working toward my exit. Also as T said, you have to work at making a social life in town, and I really don't have the time or energy to do that, and nobody much was offering any suggestions for a long time. I had someone move to town and ask what there was to do, and I had to struggle to find things for her. The people around here aren't quite what I'd call friendly to anyone they don't know, whether the locals are cool or not. Bah.
---
To be fair, let me mention a couple of positives: The walking bridge. The fact that the city works to improve sections of town over time, such as Frazier Avenue. Frazier used to be half-deserted hippie-town, and now it's more upscale (and safe) yet still bohemian. Coolidge Park. McKay's. Um...Rhythm And Brews is a great venue for shows. The Floating Men play here fairly often. The weather's usually nice, despite the allergy issues. Lookout Mountain, though snobbish, is quite scenic and is kitschy fun. 96.5 is a great radio station. The Pickle Barrel is a cool bar/restaurant that makes a pretty mean milkshake. There are some GREAT people here, if you can find them.
There. I've vented, probably more than necessary. It's been a bad day (please don't take my picture), so read into this what you will. I need to go to bed so I can go back to my not-going-well second half of my student teaching tomorrow, assuming Zoey sleeps through the night (or even if she doesn't).
I really don't hate this town, but sometimes that's a lie.