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[babbledebooke]

Ive been thinking recently (since a friend has started posting ;) ) about whether l have room for this journal in my life. What l dont want is it to be a wingeing space, where l just moan about life. But l also think that maybe l need a space to 'talk

Comments

[twilightda]

Accepting illness is one of the hardest things to do, I think. I have certainly never been able to do it. I literally keep pushing myself till collapse in the pursuit of some semblance of a normal life and to feel 'purposeful'. Humans weren't built to just exist. We naturally want to be challenged, to achieve, to ultimately grow. A life with illness often makes you stuck so it's totally understandable that's making you feel deeply frustrated. I think you've been ill for a long time and the longer it goes on the more frustrated we get. It's hard to talk to our loved ones sometimes, like you say it's difficult that sometimes no-one can 'fix us' as the cure is beyond anyone's control. You can love someone deeply but there are so many parts to us that need fulfilling and illness takes that ability to fulfill them away even if we have love, a great family and friends. If you are unable to pursue the big goals atm, are there any smaller goals that could help you feel less aimless? (if you are) Like you have Biology. When I started my English I felt so trapped, I just needed something to achieve and it did help.

I slipped into only moaning in my LJ. I think my problem was I tried to not moan anywhere else so it all used to explode here lol. Often it helped as I find I cannot open up on fb and even on twitter I can get stressed so to have one safe place to simply 'talk' is really needed, I think. When I'm writing down all my fears or troubles, I often get a moment of clarity in all the jumbled words. It's a bit like therapy where your keyboard is the therapist lol. Maybe just see this place as a place for you. Just write what you feel is needed for you, be it the positive parts that will help keep you uplifted or the more difficult parts if you need a place to voice them and unscramble them. Anyway, I'm going on. I do that ;) At the end of the day I'd say just do what feels right for you whether you decide to use the journal or not. xx

[babbledebooke]

Thanks for your wise words Dani. There doesnt really seem much support for the emotional impact of having a long term chronic illness,but its not really surprising we need to vent sometimes. I am trying to find purpose in smaller thing, like crochet, my course, which to be honest is more than enough right now, but my heart wants more, my body just doesnt :( But your right using LJ is a sort of therapy. Although lm hoping to use it to mark happier times too :) xx