(no subject)
there was a time when i was younger that i didn't want to have kids. it didn't "make sense". why would anyone want to have something in their life that ultimately is like a parasite, always taking so that someday they will be able to give to their offspring who is always taking from them?
i guess at some point i realized that i really did want kids (yes, that's right, more than one). i don't think i could pinpoint the time when that happened.
now...
now i couldn't stand the thought of not being one.
every once in a while i get overwhelmed with this feeling of "i don't know what i would do without him" and eventually i break down and cry. it makes me think of all those times my mom told me that it was a sin to die before your parents. i know she obviously meant that she never wanted to see anything happen to her sons.
let me preface this part by saying that when my brother was younger, he was pretty reckless and did some pretty stupid things. i've only seen my mom cry a handful of times in my entire life, but i remember one time she said that she worried a lot about my brother and that while it would break her heart, she sometimes half expected something to happen to him... but that if anything ever happened to me... and then she started crying.
i get that now.
when i think about this, all i can hear in my head over and over is a line from a song... because i really don't know how i could live without him:
"if you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend"
-stone temple pilots
i guess at some point i realized that i really did want kids (yes, that's right, more than one). i don't think i could pinpoint the time when that happened.
now...
now i couldn't stand the thought of not being one.
every once in a while i get overwhelmed with this feeling of "i don't know what i would do without him" and eventually i break down and cry. it makes me think of all those times my mom told me that it was a sin to die before your parents. i know she obviously meant that she never wanted to see anything happen to her sons.
let me preface this part by saying that when my brother was younger, he was pretty reckless and did some pretty stupid things. i've only seen my mom cry a handful of times in my entire life, but i remember one time she said that she worried a lot about my brother and that while it would break her heart, she sometimes half expected something to happen to him... but that if anything ever happened to me... and then she started crying.
i get that now.
when i think about this, all i can hear in my head over and over is a line from a song... because i really don't know how i could live without him:
"if you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend"
-stone temple pilots