Heart Surgery (Pt. 1 of 3 as of July 12)
[This is a repost of a post I made on Facebook on June 6th. I am reposting it here, backdated to June 6th, because I realized that I have friends who will not create Facebook accounts, and Livejournal posts can be made to require no authentication
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It's now about 4-5 months after and, well, there were complications...,which resulted in my being mostly-bed-ridden for a few months, and having the most awful Philip K Dick-Inspired hallucinations!
I am now (finally) at home, to find that the woman whom I had chosen to be my life partner has left me (she says that it was inevitable anyway, but I was wiling to go to counseling, whatever it took!), that the start-up i had created has dissolved in my absence, and I am generally unable to do anything beside watch TV (which I tend to not remember...there are some eps of Marvel's Avengers that, I am told, I have watched 4 or 5 times) and on occasion, see a friend or two who come to see me and take me out, from time to time...
Not that I tend to remember them doing so, except when prompted! It's like I have all of these memory I objects that have no existing memory pointers to, and prompting from someone else can cause me to dereference the pointers and then *wham*' the memories are there! It can be very disconcerting, at times.
"Other than that, Doctor, how did it go?"
Well, physically and mentally, I have a long row to hoe, ahead of me, and apparently have a long emotional row to hoe, as well... I am seriously Jonesing for the sexual touch of a woman, not that the meds I am on would allow me any sort of release. And while the surgery appears to have taken place in mid-to-late July, I have a huge gap my memory (a hole in my mind...)... And I have a hard time forming medium-term memories, too (like, I probably won't remember composing this message, come tomorrow morning).
I don't even want to talk about the contortions I have had to go through to regain even the ability to post this message, here, what with the tangled web of passwords and accounts I had woven... All of my life had been built around my intelligence, and now it seems that I am only slowly regaining it, to awaken in a post-personally-apocalyptic world!
Thanks for asking, and giving me an opportunity to vent!!!
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I'm really sorry you're having such a rough recovery, and with personal-life suck on top of it.
I am thinking compassionate thoughts for you from here.
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As the fog is beginning to clear, I am being reminded of who I can rely on to help (even with some kind words!)!
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