(no subject)
the bandits. matching in black. a whole new way to think about air. cant make the noise on the spot. friends who have tracphones. i keep losing my beer. wont say a thing. not one word. dropping this now. my orchids. margaurite, isabella, franchesca. c'est belle. caught the virus. cut them down. left leaves to pale and dry. laid out in the sun. cracked glass panes. sprayed down the window. watched the neighbors. planted a garden, shot cans a bottles off the deck. swam with the fisherman, sought out all bottoms. saw her on a stool weeping, she was a wreck. caved in sockets. didnt pay much attention. at all. the plague of highschool. halloween party. couch posse. held water weight. she looks like shit now. glad over some dennys menus. the best tunnel vision. drink anything away. lovely when people forget things. misunderstanding my appalment. misunderstanding my distancing. misunderstanding and disregarding the onset of a girl. misunderstanding the rough hands of strangers. misunderstanding the after effect and some need for shallow levels of drowning. my selfishness. personality disorder characterized by so many things. manic depressive addictive personality. trying to realize, trying to come above and over. sometimes its too much. knowing that right now is nowhere near half as much as it could be. nowhere near where it could be. how could i ever forget. buts lets not apply anything to the past two days for the absence of me or anything. i can swallow till my heart sings. i smile every morning for the accomplishment, not for anyone. i wish i could keep everyone high. i used to want to design places to live..thinking perfection in environment would lead to perfection in general living. beautiful things, absolute minimalism. void of the element which brings life to the space. calling me by name when we dont level. dysmorphic body image. forever is forever. some reality to it now, its true. stop with the pictorials. christmas will come late this year. i had no holiday. shutting it.