(no subject)
christmas eve. waiting on the bird. rediculousness. the program is in black and white. i dont know what its called. my brother coming in the weeks to come. hope he makes it. maybe i miss my mother some. deleted myself off the face of the interworld. where is the girl with the pretty eyes i get lost in? the spaghetti squash was amazing. bread reminiscent of pumpernickle and rye swirl, someone was a fanatic. looks like ashton kutcher now that you mention it. i fucking hate destiny these days. pizza. pokerchips that are plasticized green. no meaning here. nothing at all. sudden onset of vomiting. called me on harumi san something about a roomate not the same person. nowhere near or close with the exception of japanese culture. that was great. maybe i should talk about everything that happened. but maybe not tonight. tonight is for drinking and merriment. i wish i had a printer connected to my head so i could occupy my hands with other nonsense. but its an exercise nonetheless. i almost ran over a kid today on bmx. foodbaby on the way. he ate three plates of food. are you ready to ass out yet? i want to be in a christmas spirit filled town. i want to be somewhere white and beautiful. wish you were here you holiday spirited hollywood motherfuckers. wish i was there reminiscing over your wonderful grandmother. wish i could witness the stress of your holidays. morning afternoon and evening where the misery lays before you go back to a true winter. ill think of it but will never again speak on it but i promise ill forever remember it for the five days for the small amount of closure it almost had. wow theyve passed. over days and hours and money made. here with me. not on hospital beds. no serenity. ill go there someday. i cant remember a year ago anymore. i can hardly remember yesterday. maybe ill only be better from here maybe ill find pleasure in the absence of passion and loving. maybe just maybe. everytime the bell rings an angel gets his wings. thats from this movie on christmas eve. empty all bottles. barking from the television. i saw a dog that looked just like nick the other night. im going to have a westie someday. ill live on the westside of some town someday. ill go to old towns and get all the closure i could ever possibly need and never got someday. ill walk the strip, ill break bottles on the curb where i picked up five dollar pizzas from scary larry. ill drink a latte in the illinois building. ill hula girlskate the abc and photograph two praying mantisis. ill write on a billboard that i finally got over it all and then maybe sigh a sigh of relief. my girl is here and im happy for the next moments of unknowing. look and smile. some random shit. makes me smile. too much almost. strange theres a ring around the moon tonight. some witch shit. he looked up and stared at the sky, saying that shit is amazing. its a night for debauchery. blood on the moon. affective disorders. behavior malfunction. get crazy and fuck the night up. didnt come with a full set. gave my love away, the most memorable of the afterburn. probably the last hurt aside from it being the last day the the feel of a touch leaving my lower back. an accident took me to the symphony. we missed it apparently. so sad, getting you free tonight. wont tell you where i went. con queso. golden dragonflies. mystical magic. taking sided with the wrong girl. the wrong way to go in order to cause chaos in a good semi-functioning thing. but shell come back maybe sorting it all out. the eventuality of it. smoking way too many cigarettes during a highly emotional conversation anxiety ridden making me have a heart attack making my chest seize while missing the girl and her familiarity. planning to see it from the balcony. sodas on the stairwell. small lights lighting your way so you can see where youre going. when youre going there. thoughtless. at times. animated cinematography. neptune. love it. the moons. always need more when its not around. for the guests of the holiday. thank you for closing the door. so cold outside, chilling inside even. to the depths of my bones, shivvering. the lilac room. movies. lost in the corner. at the shopping center, wasted away. wish i wrote about it all more when it was important to me. rather than this. where can we be for our birthdays? the position that theyre in. anxiety paranoia in the living room. music from two times ago. threw most of it in the lake. not too deep, im sure. salvageable with diving gear. if youd want it, not wanting it. boredom sets in. its fairly early for this. the fucked dynamic of it all. the disaster within the girl. writing illegible untranslateable beauty. no heart. no self. no love. twisted. torment can be cured with greater evils. bigger depravity. find some light and the end of all of your tunnels. watched her rail too much, she had tunnel vision. shes riding white horses. thinking of her and wishing her consolance and contentment some peace or serenity for the most choppy of your waters. bliss in the bag with the stars and moons with silver linings with silver strings. wishing for her. worse off than me. insanely worse off.