(no subject)
im hurt. but i have to be strong to lead my marines and help them with there problems. i want to some times but it just wont come out. they are there and ready to fall but never do. it only come out when i drink and i have not drank that much in some time now. i want to cry really i do ... i am still hurtin. more then you can think. i have memorys from other times when i was home. freinds who open up to me and co-workers who trust me tellin me everything. still to this day i hold it deep inside of me. i have secerts i want to let out and cry about but they never come. i hurt form everything. from pain i still feel for stuff that happen 5 years ago. pain that will never go away. and has life gose on there will be more and more. i am a marine and even tho it is a title i have earned it is still just that. i want to let loose and be care free. that is why i use to drink. that is why i sleep. to get out of this real world and get some where free. where ever thing is right. no one looks to me or talks to me. i just sit at the beach listening the the waves come up to the shore line with some musice. i have feelings. just do not know how to deal with them. i write them down but some times i cant. i try to drink them away but in the end there are still there. i do not know what to do.