today
The funeral was today. It was so hard, the last funeral I went to was Jill's. I've never been in a situation loosing five people at once. They were my family, I feel like the wind was knocked out of me. I think its hard to grasp how close I was to them, only Aisha gets it because she was there. They raised me, we grew up together. They have been through so much with me. I have a really hard time wrapping my head around how they could be gone. It feels unreal. It seems s unfair and wrong. And I'm struggling to hold it together. Jeremy was only 13. 13! That's too young, it doesn't feel possible. I'm having a really hard time with missy, because I just want to fix this, I want her to feel okay again. It was hard seeing all these faces today, all the hugs. Everyone is hurting and feeling lost. Mair would drive mis and I to school and always have these sad country songs on. One came on and I lost it. This doesn't feel right. I need to understand God will take care of Missy. And it isn't God who does this, but it is really hard because I so badly want to blame someone. I want to yell at someone, it needs to be someones fault. I would rather be mad then so broken.