Guilt..
i think my dad's mad at me for not spending new year's with him. sigh
I don't blame him really. He was expecting me back at home this weekend and next and I changed his plans without much warning and/or consultation to him.
Aw well, asked him to send me a the small suitcase, a backpack and my wallet with my million club cards on pay on delivery. I should get that soon.
Why do I feel so horrible? Why do i feel so guilty? Why am I crying? I know spending new year with family would make me feel like crap and I'd be locking myself in my room reading or holding a west-wing marathon. Essentially anything to avoid talking to either of them.
I'm sorry dad. I'm just not good enough daughter for you. I'm sorry.
I told him I'm not taking the train right now because I can't afford the train ticket. I know its not hard for him to pay for them. Technically yes, I could've afforded the ticket and there is an airport nearby that I can fly out of. Its just its my pride that wouldn't let me accept the cash.
Someone once told me that 'if it can be solved with money, then its not a problem' There was another advice column saying 'some parents show their love and feel the connection to their children by giving them money so you shouldn't reject it.'
I'm a horrible daughter. Now I'm laden with guilt and i have a sour throat.
What do I want from this anyway? What am I accomplishing with my pride? Where's some codeine when i need it? I should go down to the pharmacy before all stores close for new year.
I don't blame him really. He was expecting me back at home this weekend and next and I changed his plans without much warning and/or consultation to him.
Aw well, asked him to send me a the small suitcase, a backpack and my wallet with my million club cards on pay on delivery. I should get that soon.
Why do I feel so horrible? Why do i feel so guilty? Why am I crying? I know spending new year with family would make me feel like crap and I'd be locking myself in my room reading or holding a west-wing marathon. Essentially anything to avoid talking to either of them.
I'm sorry dad. I'm just not good enough daughter for you. I'm sorry.
I told him I'm not taking the train right now because I can't afford the train ticket. I know its not hard for him to pay for them. Technically yes, I could've afforded the ticket and there is an airport nearby that I can fly out of. Its just its my pride that wouldn't let me accept the cash.
Someone once told me that 'if it can be solved with money, then its not a problem' There was another advice column saying 'some parents show their love and feel the connection to their children by giving them money so you shouldn't reject it.'
I'm a horrible daughter. Now I'm laden with guilt and i have a sour throat.
What do I want from this anyway? What am I accomplishing with my pride? Where's some codeine when i need it? I should go down to the pharmacy before all stores close for new year.