(no subject)
Really really depressed. I look at pictures of me at my best (Christmas break) and then look in the mirror now and want to die.
I signed up for this modeling thing where I have to send in a picture of me in a swim suit and am using that as my motivation to fast for 100 hours. I've done it before and I'm pretty sure I will do it again for this.
I need to lose weight not only for myself but for my boyfriend type thing. The other night when we were sleeping together he was touching me and telling me I was beautiful and I just felt like he was a liar. How can he think that? I kept pulling away and telling him to stop. I know it hurts his feelings, but I can't help it. If i don't feel beautiful, it makes me uncomfortable to hear him say it. It will be better for both of us if I can lose weight and feel good and not make him feel bad.
I hate my legs, stomach, and shoulders. I want to see my shoulder edges again, and I want for there to be alot of space between my thighs like their used to be. Hopefully after the 100 hours I will feel better. I ate yesterday at 6, and then today I only ate at 7, but then I threw up. So I will count te fast as starting after I threw up, so around 8. At 8 tomorrow I will update again to check in for the first 24 hours. I always do better when I update myself.
I hate feeling fat and crazy. I thought I would outgrow this but after 8 years, it's stronger than ever....
I signed up for this modeling thing where I have to send in a picture of me in a swim suit and am using that as my motivation to fast for 100 hours. I've done it before and I'm pretty sure I will do it again for this.
I need to lose weight not only for myself but for my boyfriend type thing. The other night when we were sleeping together he was touching me and telling me I was beautiful and I just felt like he was a liar. How can he think that? I kept pulling away and telling him to stop. I know it hurts his feelings, but I can't help it. If i don't feel beautiful, it makes me uncomfortable to hear him say it. It will be better for both of us if I can lose weight and feel good and not make him feel bad.
I hate my legs, stomach, and shoulders. I want to see my shoulder edges again, and I want for there to be alot of space between my thighs like their used to be. Hopefully after the 100 hours I will feel better. I ate yesterday at 6, and then today I only ate at 7, but then I threw up. So I will count te fast as starting after I threw up, so around 8. At 8 tomorrow I will update again to check in for the first 24 hours. I always do better when I update myself.
I hate feeling fat and crazy. I thought I would outgrow this but after 8 years, it's stronger than ever....