Back To Basics
Weirdest thing ever.
Both Brendon and I decided today we are missing normality and sensible living and have decided to take a break from the party life for awhile again.
Not giving up but not doing it as regularly as we have been. I do think it is important to be able to let go once every so often to let tensions and bad energies go but when it starts to effect your everyday health then that is the wake up call to back off.
As mentioned I experienced some heart problems sunday due to our weekend and just today I have had to pick brendon up early from work and bring him home. It seems he once again forgot to take his anti depressants over the weekend and when he took it this morning his body has gone into abit of a shock and he has become quite sick.
It was himself in the car home who brought it up but in all honesty I was thinking the same thing myself late Sunday afternoon.
As I lay on the couch, Brendon asleep and me trying to get the house back in shape after the weekend it dawned on me that although we are not "junkies" ourselves as such the way the house and we looked told a completely different story.
We spent the whole weekend inside, curtains drawn, tv blaring - only leaving our lounge room to shower or go to the toilet.
I used to get paranoid on weekends like that. Every noise outside, every car door slamming was someone unexpectedly coming to visit and in my mind it was most definately a member of my family however this weekend I didn't.
I didn't get paranoid and not a single person tried to call or come by. It was at that point that I felt isolated from everyone and almost a little bit guilty that I had wasted a beautiful weekend to hide away from the world and be naughty.
At that moment I actually put the drug paraphernalia away and began to crave the world I had began to again shut away from myself.
I wanted to go back to enjoying herbs and sunlight. To be happy enough within myself to enjoy a coffee out with friends on a friday night instead of having to alter my mind and completely slaughter myself for days on end.
I miss planning things with people and actually doing those plans. Every weekend lately I mean to do something but the pull of more stuff gets to be too tempting and I end up back inside with the doors locked again. Because of this I think I am starting to experience the beginning of Agoraphobia (fear of outdoors) as was mentioned in a recent entry where I felt absolutel petrified to come to work and in general leave my house.
So not giving up but definately pulling wayyyy back from the edge of this slippery slope. Time to focus once again on our families, our health and our life in general outside of this hobby.
I will go back to my herbs and even then, apart from my kronic (which I use mildly as a relaxant every couple of nights....much like others have a drink after work) they will be only every so often.
Beleive it or not I feel like organising a girls day with mum, just her and I. I know she would love it and making her happy would actually make me really happy to. Maybe lunch and pedis at point cook town centre methinks???
We do have a little bit of stuff left and I have one more dreaded K-Blend pill, whether I have them this weekend and say goodbye after that is unforseen yet. Either way this weekend wil not be like last and I vow to use the long weekend to visit family and spend quality time with those I have neglected.
Adios Amigos!