Unpleasant!
is how i would describe how tonight went. i cried so much, and acted like a fifteen year old. so many good things will come from it. it was just such a bad idea from the beginning, and i knew it. and he's so good to me. and i was the one ending it! why are people so good to me? i don't deserve anything nice. i'm trouble. i'm hasty. i make bad decisions. i need to sleep.
i hardly got out of bed today. and then after that all i did was put eyeliner and pants on. i'm back in the same exact outfit i took trisha home in. in fact i want to stay in this outfit until i don't feel so bad. i look horrible right now with the puffy face and red eyes. and he still said i was pretty.
i know i'll be okay in like, a week. but he's the only person i've hung out with for weeks. i wish you could realize how much of a crap person/friend i am. i told him from the beginning i'm a crap dater. i told him from the beginning! and i am. every time i try, i just fail so miserably! why am i so bad at this?!
why do i like someone so much who's so far away???
and why does he like me so much?? i'm trouble, i'm hasty, i make bad decisions, and i'm kind of fat. in fact, i'm going to tell him these things next email night. i deserve to feel as crappy as i feel. i really need some sleep. you know whats crap, also? trisha's the only person who knows why this sucks so bad. oh and also the only person i've seen in almost a year that i've known for more than 6 months.
why is it that everyone always has to be a secret? i guess it must be me! or boys are just so embarrassed of me that they keep me under wraps and never tell a soul we dated.
i love how i private everything on here.
Devin is texting me. infact he texted so long it sent me two, and i don't want to read it.
i hardly got out of bed today. and then after that all i did was put eyeliner and pants on. i'm back in the same exact outfit i took trisha home in. in fact i want to stay in this outfit until i don't feel so bad. i look horrible right now with the puffy face and red eyes. and he still said i was pretty.
i know i'll be okay in like, a week. but he's the only person i've hung out with for weeks. i wish you could realize how much of a crap person/friend i am. i told him from the beginning i'm a crap dater. i told him from the beginning! and i am. every time i try, i just fail so miserably! why am i so bad at this?!
why do i like someone so much who's so far away???
and why does he like me so much?? i'm trouble, i'm hasty, i make bad decisions, and i'm kind of fat. in fact, i'm going to tell him these things next email night. i deserve to feel as crappy as i feel. i really need some sleep. you know whats crap, also? trisha's the only person who knows why this sucks so bad. oh and also the only person i've seen in almost a year that i've known for more than 6 months.
why is it that everyone always has to be a secret? i guess it must be me! or boys are just so embarrassed of me that they keep me under wraps and never tell a soul we dated.
i love how i private everything on here.
Devin is texting me. infact he texted so long it sent me two, and i don't want to read it.