Gotta Rewrite The Past [To Have This Future] - Chaptered
Title: Gotta Rewrite The Past [To Have This Future]
Author: Blink-sum-new-muse
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: CW RP
Summary: When Jared and Jensen say they never met before Supernatural, it's not strictly true. But why won't they admit this, what the hell happened back then, and what bearing could it have on their future?
Disclaimer: I do not own Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Eric Kripke or any of their families.
Status: Finished.
Notes: Last chapter! Wow. This has been so much fun. I just wanted to say thank you again to all those who've read this story and especially those who told me they liked it. See the end for further notes on this chapter.
Previous Chapters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven
How things had gone from a simple, quiet, pleasant conversation while watching the game and drinking a few beers to Jared yelling at him, Jensen isn't sure, but he's sure as hell not happy about it.
One minute they'd been discussing past games they'd played in high school, and Jensen had been retelling the story of when he almost got caught sucking off the quarterback in the changing rooms - by his mom, no less, who'd come down to wish him luck - and then Jared had been laughing, asking if he ever admitted to that later on when she found out he was gay, and the next minute Jared was freaking out when Jensen said with a small frown that his mom still didn't know.
"Why the hell doesn't even your mom know about you?" Jared asks, barely refraining from jumping up and pointing a finger of damnation at the older man because it seems perfectly right to do so. He knows that Jensen keeps it quiet, about being gay, but he never knew it was this quiet. So far, Jensen hasn't admitted to anyone knowing about him bar the guys he's hooked up with, most of whom seem to be in the closet too.
"Because she's my mom, and I'd like to keep it that way instead of being disowned!" Jensen spits back, slamming his beer down onto the coffee table in frustration as his body turns so that he can glare full-on at the boy sitting next to him. He can't quite believe he's getting shit from the kid about not being out and proud like some people get to be.
Jared's next words are out before he has a chance to think about them. He's just fed up with having to sneak around and pretend he doesn't feel anything for this man beyond friendship when anyone else is around. "You're such a fucking coward, Jensen."
"No, I just know how to proceed with caution." Jensen's shouting now. "I know the way people think and what they can do. Look up Matthew Shepherd. Wyoming ain't that far removed from Texas."
"See, now here I thought Texans were supposed to be tough guys," Jared sneers. It's a low blow and they both know it. But Jensen takes it exactly the way Jared wanted him to, without even knowing he did - as a challenge.
Before either of them knows which way is up, Jensen's in Jared's lap, pushing him bodily back into the couch and yanking the kid's shirt up over his head. Their kisses are bruising, only just able to be described as such rather than biting. Jared's dazed at first, but he gets with the programme when Jensen starts manhandling him into lying down. He spits on his hand, lubing up Jensen's dick with a few rough strokes that he hopes will hurt half as much as it's going to hurt him when Jensen pushes in, although he knows really that the pain won't compare.
The sex is rough and brutal and less the sort of thing you'd expect from two people who love each other, more the thing you'd see from the homophobes in high school targeting the 'faggot'. But maybe that's the point. They're two good ol' Texan boys, who ride hard and play rough and although Jensen might suck cock, he sure as hell isn't going to be put in the category of scared kids hiding in closets. He's not scared, he tells himself. He's just cautious. Knows when to open his mouth and when to shut up. Jared doesn't, and he's just teaching him the consequences of speaking before you think.
Maybe if they fuck so hard he can't see straight, he'll start to believe that.
In the month that followed the Christmas break, Jared grinned so hard and so constantly that Eric pulled Jensen aside one afternon to ask, in all seriousness, if Jared was doing drugs. Jensen laughed so hard he couldn't move for the next ten minutes, and that afternoon's filming was a total wipeout because every time the boys looked at each other, they couldn't keep straight faces. Thankfully, Eric took Jensen's, "No way in hell," without suspicion, but he did look a bit put out because he'd only been concerned. Jensen assured him that Jared was in no danger of any addiction, that he was just happy, and he wasn't going to crash and burn any time soon.
At least, not with Jensen around. He didn't add that part to Eric.
They had fallen back into their old relationship routine as easy as breathing, except for the sex, which constantly left them breathless. Jensen was still in awe over Jared's changed attitude [and aptitude] towards their bedroom activities [not that they were restricted to the bedroom, when they sometimes spent eighteen hours together on set without a bed in sight]. Jared was simply revelling in everything he remembered being good from before, and enjoying it quite a bit more this time round when he was fully involved.
They hadn't spoken much about what their 'official' status was, mutually preferring to enjoy it as it came rather than try too hard to put a name to things because they'd done that before, and it hadn't ended well. But they were together again, and whether that was fate or simply an accident, it was too good of a chance to throw away when they were better together now than they ever had been. The relationship side of things was kept behind closed doors, either because they were used to it or because it seemed like a good idea, but neither of them thought much about it, both assuming that the other would mention it if they thought it was a problem. The increased touches and innuendo on-set went completely unnoticed by the crew who'd thought they were nuts from the beginning, and so all was well.
Until one day, mid-February. They'd been given a short break while the set got rearranged for the next scene. Two hours of sitting in the Impala with Jensen playing brothers was always apt to make Jared want to do less than brotherly things to his costar, so they'd wandered off into the trees at the side of the road as soon as the break was called, Jared talking loudly about how he wanted to get into the shade and cool off. Jensen smirked, knowing that the second part at least was unlikely.
When a PA came to get them, they were wrapped up enough in each other that they didn't hear her until she was a mere few feet away, and when she called, "Guys?" questioningly, Jared literally flew backwards as he tried to move away from Jensen and the older man tried to move away from him, but since he was being held up against a tree he only succeeded in pushing Jared away. Jared went backwards with the sudden force, tripped over a tree root and went crashing to the ground.
Jensen couldn't help but laugh at the shocked look on Jared's face as the PA caught up to them and asked if Jared was all right, evidently concerned by the fact that he'd just appeared from nowhere and fallen flat on his ass.
"M'fine," Jared told her, smiling in thanks as she brushed leaves off his shirt and then trying to glare at Jensen without making it seem as though he was annoyed with her. "Just practicing a fight scene, but I don't think we should do it in the woods any more."
"Apparently not," Jensen agreed, and couldn't keep a straight face for longer than that. The PA smiled, obviously slightly bewildered, and then gently reminded them that they were supposed to be elsewhere, at which point they began walking back immediately.
"You okay?" Jensen asked as they walked behind the woman, putting a hand on Jared's back, but Jared shoved him off with a snort.
"Like you care, ass," he grumbled, and Jensen honestly tried to fight down the snigger.
By the end of the day he was worried sick that he'd pissed Jared off something stupid, but Jared refused to talk about it and they couldn't exactly have it out in front of everyone, so he was forced to push the questions down until later. He figured 'later' would come when they got to Jared's hotel room, but when they entered the elevator Jared pushed both the four and the six, signalling that it was going to stop at Jensen's floor too.
At his questioning look, Jared shrugged and looked as though he was trying to hide his irritation. "I just want to go to sleep," he explained. "I really just wanna crash right now and not wake up till morning. And I'm in a bad mood and I don't wanna inflict that on you, so I'll see you in the morning, okay?" He leaned down and kissed Jensen gently on the lips as the elevator stopped.
Jensen found himself nodding and saying, "Okay," meekly rather than demanding that Jared tell him what was going on right now, but he'd never been a man of impulse anyway.
He didn't sleep that night. He ran over the events of the day before in his mind repeatedly, until he managed to come to some conclusions in the logical way he always did. First, Jared was pissed off with him. That much was obvious; he'd even said he was in a bad mood, like a giant warning sign for Jensen to stay the hell away. Second, it couldn't be because he'd hurt himself when falling over. Jared was made of stronger stuff than that, and even if it had been a bad fall, he'd've got someone to look at it for him or taken some painkillers or something. Jared had always been a lot more practical than Jensen with things like that, preferring to just admit it hurt and get to treating it rather than pretending to 'be a man' and suffering in silence.
So he must've been pissed for some other reason. It definitely wasn't because Jensen laughed at him, because they always laughed at one another like that, just as they laughed at themselves, although Jensen had taken a while to learn that particular skill. By Supernatural though it had been ingrained and they were constantly having pranks pulled on them as well as pulling them on each other, so Jared suddenly being unable to laugh at his own stupidity wasn't an option. But the only other thing that had happened was the PA girl almost seeing them together, and so he figured it must be that.
Or rather, that Jared was fed up of the stupid measures they had to take to prevent people from seeing them together. It had always been a bone of contention for him before, and Jensen couldn't see why now should be different. He was just surprised it had taken Jared this long to get angry over it, although Jared always had preferred to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe, Jensen thought with a sick feeling, he'd been waiting for him to admit to everyone that they were together for the whole month now. Maybe he hadn't actually been okay with the sneaking around, he was just waiting for Jensen to be okay with telling everyone.
He knew without a doubt, the one thing he was sure about without having to think over it for hours, that he couldn't lose this again. Not when he'd been given a second chance for it and they were even better than before. He'd hurt enough after the breakup the first time, and that was when he believed Jared was just some dumb kid who spoke before he thought and was too naive and optimistic and bugged the hell out of him, but he recognised now that it was less about Jared being so annoying and more that he was pissed off because he'd never been that innocent himself. He'd never had a chance to believe good of everyone, and he was so used to thinking that things were going to fuck up that he'd become bitter, way before his time.
If the breakup had hurt that much back then, when he didn't know any of this, he didn't want to contemplate how much it would hurt now. It would just be walking away for no good reason other than cowardice and dammit, Jensen wasn't a coward. At least not any more. And quite apart from all of this was that he knew just how much he would be hurting Jared by leaving things the way they were, and he wasn't prepared to do that again.
At five am he was knocking on Jared's door, knowing that his costar would be up by now. He'd only sorted his thoughts out properly a half hour or so ago, and he'd jogged down the hallway from his room when the clock hit five, run up the two flights of stairs and carried on until he got to Jared's room. He needed to say everything before he lost the nerve, and running had gotten his blood pumping nicely for this.
"We'll tell everyone," he blurted out as soon as the door opened, to reveal a sleepy and confused looking Jared. Jensen didn't have time to get distracted by the fact that he was only wearing low-slung boxers, but he filed the mental image away for later. "I know you're pissed off 'cause we keep having to hide it, but we won't any more. I don't wanna lose this - I don't wanna lose you again, so I'll fuckin' shout it from the rooftops, wear your pink shirts all the time if you want me to, whatever. I'm gonna call Eric right now." He cut himself off to get the cellphone out of his pocket, hands shaking slightly but he'd made the decision and he wasn't going to go back on it.
At least, he wasn't until Jared took the phone out of his hand. He looked up, shocked, and saw Jared smiling at him and obviously trying not to laugh. "What the hell, Jensen?" Jared spoke, his first words of the day. "What are you on about?"
Jensen was at a loss as to how to explain what he was on about, since he'd spent a good two hours formulating those exact words he just said. "I'm going to call Eric," he tried, slowly, thinking that maybe Jared had misunderstood the end result, "And tell him we're together."
There was a pause, before Jared blurted, "Why?" in the middle of a laugh. He managed to hold the rest back as Jensen continued to look confused and a little distressed.
"So we don't have to hide," Jensen said desperately. "And you won't be pissed at me any more..."
Jared couldn't hold it any longer. He laughed until the look on Jensen's face was too much to bear, and he finally managed to get himself under control enough to ask, "You think that's why I was pisssed yesterday?"
"Isn't it?" Jensen questioned.
"No," Jared shook his head wildly. He pulled Jensen into a huge hug, wrapping himself around the smaller man in the way they were accustomed to. "I was pissed off," he giggled, "'Cause my wisdom teeth were hurting. When I fell over it jarred them again and then they were aching all through the afternoon, so I came back and took a few painkillers and went to sleep to try to ignore it."
"Your what?" Jensen asked incredulously, but the force of it got lost somehow in Jared's shoulder. Once the shock of how incredibly wrong he'd been faded away, the embarrassment began to sink in.
Jared pulled back, grinning down at him. "It had nothing to do with us or hiding or whatever," he said. "If I was pissed about that I'd just tell you."
Jensen nodded, face aflame, and was prepared to simply slink back to his own room to get ready for the day, but it didn't feel right left there, somehow. "I meant it, though," he admitted quietly. "I would - I will, come out and tell everyone if you want it. I don't...I don't want us to break up again because of having to hide this."
The smile that hit Jared's face then was so wide Jensen half feared it would split his cheeks. "Thank you," he replied, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend gently. "I would love that. Except, less of the rooftops, okay? We can say things to family and friends and Eric and Kim and stuff, but letting it get into the gossip columns really isn't a good idea. We're brothers, you know, and we're not supposed to be that close."
Jensen laughed nervously at the attempted joke, but nodded. What Jared was saying made sense. A thought hit him, suddenly, as Jared pulled him into the room and shut the door behind them. "You've thought about this, haven't you?" he asked.
Jared looked a little embarrassed and looked away for a second. "Yeah, a bit," he admitted. "I just kinda...I wondered what it would be like if we did tell everyone and I realised it wouldn't be that smart. S'why I didn't want to push you like I did before."
"I do think we should be honest with the people that matter, though," Jensen said, before he could start overthinking things again. "I'm gonna call Eric now." He picked up his cellphone from the table by the door where Jared had put it, and began to dial, ignoring the fact that his hands were shaking slightly.
Jared apparently didn't want to ignore it, because he did what he always had done, came up behind Jensen and wrapped his arms around him so that he covered the smaller man like a giant blanket. It seemed normal, but then Jared froze, and he couldn't work out why until he registered the fact that Jensen had actually relaxed into his body. That was definitely a new one.
Previously, Jensen had pulled away entirely in public, or in private he'd let Jared do it but had stiffened, as though he wasn't happy with letting someone else try to take care of him. But now it appeared that Jensen was finally admitting that he wasn't as strong as he made himself out to be, and by the phonecall he was currently making, he'd also become okay with that.
Jensen had grown up enough to accept himself for who he was, and he'd also come to realise that he needed to make sacrifices for those he loved if he wanted to keep them around. Jared, meanwhile, had grown up enough to think before he acted or spoke, and to realise that not everyone was as good a person as he was and that it wasn't fair to put such high expectations on other people.
Separately, they'd grown up enough to be able to be together.
Notes: The order of things [ie flashback and current] got changed for this chapter because of two reasons: one, I wanted to end things on a good note rather than a bad one, and two, I wanted to end the story in the present rather than the past as the whole point is that the past doesn't define them any more. It's not just me fucking up with copy and paste, so we're all good.
Pic//Blink-sum-new-muse
Author: Blink-sum-new-muse
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: CW RP
Summary: When Jared and Jensen say they never met before Supernatural, it's not strictly true. But why won't they admit this, what the hell happened back then, and what bearing could it have on their future?
Disclaimer: I do not own Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Eric Kripke or any of their families.
Status: Finished.
Notes: Last chapter! Wow. This has been so much fun. I just wanted to say thank you again to all those who've read this story and especially those who told me they liked it. See the end for further notes on this chapter.
Previous Chapters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven
How things had gone from a simple, quiet, pleasant conversation while watching the game and drinking a few beers to Jared yelling at him, Jensen isn't sure, but he's sure as hell not happy about it.
One minute they'd been discussing past games they'd played in high school, and Jensen had been retelling the story of when he almost got caught sucking off the quarterback in the changing rooms - by his mom, no less, who'd come down to wish him luck - and then Jared had been laughing, asking if he ever admitted to that later on when she found out he was gay, and the next minute Jared was freaking out when Jensen said with a small frown that his mom still didn't know.
"Why the hell doesn't even your mom know about you?" Jared asks, barely refraining from jumping up and pointing a finger of damnation at the older man because it seems perfectly right to do so. He knows that Jensen keeps it quiet, about being gay, but he never knew it was this quiet. So far, Jensen hasn't admitted to anyone knowing about him bar the guys he's hooked up with, most of whom seem to be in the closet too.
"Because she's my mom, and I'd like to keep it that way instead of being disowned!" Jensen spits back, slamming his beer down onto the coffee table in frustration as his body turns so that he can glare full-on at the boy sitting next to him. He can't quite believe he's getting shit from the kid about not being out and proud like some people get to be.
Jared's next words are out before he has a chance to think about them. He's just fed up with having to sneak around and pretend he doesn't feel anything for this man beyond friendship when anyone else is around. "You're such a fucking coward, Jensen."
"No, I just know how to proceed with caution." Jensen's shouting now. "I know the way people think and what they can do. Look up Matthew Shepherd. Wyoming ain't that far removed from Texas."
"See, now here I thought Texans were supposed to be tough guys," Jared sneers. It's a low blow and they both know it. But Jensen takes it exactly the way Jared wanted him to, without even knowing he did - as a challenge.
Before either of them knows which way is up, Jensen's in Jared's lap, pushing him bodily back into the couch and yanking the kid's shirt up over his head. Their kisses are bruising, only just able to be described as such rather than biting. Jared's dazed at first, but he gets with the programme when Jensen starts manhandling him into lying down. He spits on his hand, lubing up Jensen's dick with a few rough strokes that he hopes will hurt half as much as it's going to hurt him when Jensen pushes in, although he knows really that the pain won't compare.
The sex is rough and brutal and less the sort of thing you'd expect from two people who love each other, more the thing you'd see from the homophobes in high school targeting the 'faggot'. But maybe that's the point. They're two good ol' Texan boys, who ride hard and play rough and although Jensen might suck cock, he sure as hell isn't going to be put in the category of scared kids hiding in closets. He's not scared, he tells himself. He's just cautious. Knows when to open his mouth and when to shut up. Jared doesn't, and he's just teaching him the consequences of speaking before you think.
Maybe if they fuck so hard he can't see straight, he'll start to believe that.
In the month that followed the Christmas break, Jared grinned so hard and so constantly that Eric pulled Jensen aside one afternon to ask, in all seriousness, if Jared was doing drugs. Jensen laughed so hard he couldn't move for the next ten minutes, and that afternoon's filming was a total wipeout because every time the boys looked at each other, they couldn't keep straight faces. Thankfully, Eric took Jensen's, "No way in hell," without suspicion, but he did look a bit put out because he'd only been concerned. Jensen assured him that Jared was in no danger of any addiction, that he was just happy, and he wasn't going to crash and burn any time soon.
At least, not with Jensen around. He didn't add that part to Eric.
They had fallen back into their old relationship routine as easy as breathing, except for the sex, which constantly left them breathless. Jensen was still in awe over Jared's changed attitude [and aptitude] towards their bedroom activities [not that they were restricted to the bedroom, when they sometimes spent eighteen hours together on set without a bed in sight]. Jared was simply revelling in everything he remembered being good from before, and enjoying it quite a bit more this time round when he was fully involved.
They hadn't spoken much about what their 'official' status was, mutually preferring to enjoy it as it came rather than try too hard to put a name to things because they'd done that before, and it hadn't ended well. But they were together again, and whether that was fate or simply an accident, it was too good of a chance to throw away when they were better together now than they ever had been. The relationship side of things was kept behind closed doors, either because they were used to it or because it seemed like a good idea, but neither of them thought much about it, both assuming that the other would mention it if they thought it was a problem. The increased touches and innuendo on-set went completely unnoticed by the crew who'd thought they were nuts from the beginning, and so all was well.
Until one day, mid-February. They'd been given a short break while the set got rearranged for the next scene. Two hours of sitting in the Impala with Jensen playing brothers was always apt to make Jared want to do less than brotherly things to his costar, so they'd wandered off into the trees at the side of the road as soon as the break was called, Jared talking loudly about how he wanted to get into the shade and cool off. Jensen smirked, knowing that the second part at least was unlikely.
When a PA came to get them, they were wrapped up enough in each other that they didn't hear her until she was a mere few feet away, and when she called, "Guys?" questioningly, Jared literally flew backwards as he tried to move away from Jensen and the older man tried to move away from him, but since he was being held up against a tree he only succeeded in pushing Jared away. Jared went backwards with the sudden force, tripped over a tree root and went crashing to the ground.
Jensen couldn't help but laugh at the shocked look on Jared's face as the PA caught up to them and asked if Jared was all right, evidently concerned by the fact that he'd just appeared from nowhere and fallen flat on his ass.
"M'fine," Jared told her, smiling in thanks as she brushed leaves off his shirt and then trying to glare at Jensen without making it seem as though he was annoyed with her. "Just practicing a fight scene, but I don't think we should do it in the woods any more."
"Apparently not," Jensen agreed, and couldn't keep a straight face for longer than that. The PA smiled, obviously slightly bewildered, and then gently reminded them that they were supposed to be elsewhere, at which point they began walking back immediately.
"You okay?" Jensen asked as they walked behind the woman, putting a hand on Jared's back, but Jared shoved him off with a snort.
"Like you care, ass," he grumbled, and Jensen honestly tried to fight down the snigger.
By the end of the day he was worried sick that he'd pissed Jared off something stupid, but Jared refused to talk about it and they couldn't exactly have it out in front of everyone, so he was forced to push the questions down until later. He figured 'later' would come when they got to Jared's hotel room, but when they entered the elevator Jared pushed both the four and the six, signalling that it was going to stop at Jensen's floor too.
At his questioning look, Jared shrugged and looked as though he was trying to hide his irritation. "I just want to go to sleep," he explained. "I really just wanna crash right now and not wake up till morning. And I'm in a bad mood and I don't wanna inflict that on you, so I'll see you in the morning, okay?" He leaned down and kissed Jensen gently on the lips as the elevator stopped.
Jensen found himself nodding and saying, "Okay," meekly rather than demanding that Jared tell him what was going on right now, but he'd never been a man of impulse anyway.
He didn't sleep that night. He ran over the events of the day before in his mind repeatedly, until he managed to come to some conclusions in the logical way he always did. First, Jared was pissed off with him. That much was obvious; he'd even said he was in a bad mood, like a giant warning sign for Jensen to stay the hell away. Second, it couldn't be because he'd hurt himself when falling over. Jared was made of stronger stuff than that, and even if it had been a bad fall, he'd've got someone to look at it for him or taken some painkillers or something. Jared had always been a lot more practical than Jensen with things like that, preferring to just admit it hurt and get to treating it rather than pretending to 'be a man' and suffering in silence.
So he must've been pissed for some other reason. It definitely wasn't because Jensen laughed at him, because they always laughed at one another like that, just as they laughed at themselves, although Jensen had taken a while to learn that particular skill. By Supernatural though it had been ingrained and they were constantly having pranks pulled on them as well as pulling them on each other, so Jared suddenly being unable to laugh at his own stupidity wasn't an option. But the only other thing that had happened was the PA girl almost seeing them together, and so he figured it must be that.
Or rather, that Jared was fed up of the stupid measures they had to take to prevent people from seeing them together. It had always been a bone of contention for him before, and Jensen couldn't see why now should be different. He was just surprised it had taken Jared this long to get angry over it, although Jared always had preferred to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe, Jensen thought with a sick feeling, he'd been waiting for him to admit to everyone that they were together for the whole month now. Maybe he hadn't actually been okay with the sneaking around, he was just waiting for Jensen to be okay with telling everyone.
He knew without a doubt, the one thing he was sure about without having to think over it for hours, that he couldn't lose this again. Not when he'd been given a second chance for it and they were even better than before. He'd hurt enough after the breakup the first time, and that was when he believed Jared was just some dumb kid who spoke before he thought and was too naive and optimistic and bugged the hell out of him, but he recognised now that it was less about Jared being so annoying and more that he was pissed off because he'd never been that innocent himself. He'd never had a chance to believe good of everyone, and he was so used to thinking that things were going to fuck up that he'd become bitter, way before his time.
If the breakup had hurt that much back then, when he didn't know any of this, he didn't want to contemplate how much it would hurt now. It would just be walking away for no good reason other than cowardice and dammit, Jensen wasn't a coward. At least not any more. And quite apart from all of this was that he knew just how much he would be hurting Jared by leaving things the way they were, and he wasn't prepared to do that again.
At five am he was knocking on Jared's door, knowing that his costar would be up by now. He'd only sorted his thoughts out properly a half hour or so ago, and he'd jogged down the hallway from his room when the clock hit five, run up the two flights of stairs and carried on until he got to Jared's room. He needed to say everything before he lost the nerve, and running had gotten his blood pumping nicely for this.
"We'll tell everyone," he blurted out as soon as the door opened, to reveal a sleepy and confused looking Jared. Jensen didn't have time to get distracted by the fact that he was only wearing low-slung boxers, but he filed the mental image away for later. "I know you're pissed off 'cause we keep having to hide it, but we won't any more. I don't wanna lose this - I don't wanna lose you again, so I'll fuckin' shout it from the rooftops, wear your pink shirts all the time if you want me to, whatever. I'm gonna call Eric right now." He cut himself off to get the cellphone out of his pocket, hands shaking slightly but he'd made the decision and he wasn't going to go back on it.
At least, he wasn't until Jared took the phone out of his hand. He looked up, shocked, and saw Jared smiling at him and obviously trying not to laugh. "What the hell, Jensen?" Jared spoke, his first words of the day. "What are you on about?"
Jensen was at a loss as to how to explain what he was on about, since he'd spent a good two hours formulating those exact words he just said. "I'm going to call Eric," he tried, slowly, thinking that maybe Jared had misunderstood the end result, "And tell him we're together."
There was a pause, before Jared blurted, "Why?" in the middle of a laugh. He managed to hold the rest back as Jensen continued to look confused and a little distressed.
"So we don't have to hide," Jensen said desperately. "And you won't be pissed at me any more..."
Jared couldn't hold it any longer. He laughed until the look on Jensen's face was too much to bear, and he finally managed to get himself under control enough to ask, "You think that's why I was pisssed yesterday?"
"Isn't it?" Jensen questioned.
"No," Jared shook his head wildly. He pulled Jensen into a huge hug, wrapping himself around the smaller man in the way they were accustomed to. "I was pissed off," he giggled, "'Cause my wisdom teeth were hurting. When I fell over it jarred them again and then they were aching all through the afternoon, so I came back and took a few painkillers and went to sleep to try to ignore it."
"Your what?" Jensen asked incredulously, but the force of it got lost somehow in Jared's shoulder. Once the shock of how incredibly wrong he'd been faded away, the embarrassment began to sink in.
Jared pulled back, grinning down at him. "It had nothing to do with us or hiding or whatever," he said. "If I was pissed about that I'd just tell you."
Jensen nodded, face aflame, and was prepared to simply slink back to his own room to get ready for the day, but it didn't feel right left there, somehow. "I meant it, though," he admitted quietly. "I would - I will, come out and tell everyone if you want it. I don't...I don't want us to break up again because of having to hide this."
The smile that hit Jared's face then was so wide Jensen half feared it would split his cheeks. "Thank you," he replied, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend gently. "I would love that. Except, less of the rooftops, okay? We can say things to family and friends and Eric and Kim and stuff, but letting it get into the gossip columns really isn't a good idea. We're brothers, you know, and we're not supposed to be that close."
Jensen laughed nervously at the attempted joke, but nodded. What Jared was saying made sense. A thought hit him, suddenly, as Jared pulled him into the room and shut the door behind them. "You've thought about this, haven't you?" he asked.
Jared looked a little embarrassed and looked away for a second. "Yeah, a bit," he admitted. "I just kinda...I wondered what it would be like if we did tell everyone and I realised it wouldn't be that smart. S'why I didn't want to push you like I did before."
"I do think we should be honest with the people that matter, though," Jensen said, before he could start overthinking things again. "I'm gonna call Eric now." He picked up his cellphone from the table by the door where Jared had put it, and began to dial, ignoring the fact that his hands were shaking slightly.
Jared apparently didn't want to ignore it, because he did what he always had done, came up behind Jensen and wrapped his arms around him so that he covered the smaller man like a giant blanket. It seemed normal, but then Jared froze, and he couldn't work out why until he registered the fact that Jensen had actually relaxed into his body. That was definitely a new one.
Previously, Jensen had pulled away entirely in public, or in private he'd let Jared do it but had stiffened, as though he wasn't happy with letting someone else try to take care of him. But now it appeared that Jensen was finally admitting that he wasn't as strong as he made himself out to be, and by the phonecall he was currently making, he'd also become okay with that.
Jensen had grown up enough to accept himself for who he was, and he'd also come to realise that he needed to make sacrifices for those he loved if he wanted to keep them around. Jared, meanwhile, had grown up enough to think before he acted or spoke, and to realise that not everyone was as good a person as he was and that it wasn't fair to put such high expectations on other people.
Separately, they'd grown up enough to be able to be together.
Notes: The order of things [ie flashback and current] got changed for this chapter because of two reasons: one, I wanted to end things on a good note rather than a bad one, and two, I wanted to end the story in the present rather than the past as the whole point is that the past doesn't define them any more. It's not just me fucking up with copy and paste, so we're all good.
Pic//Blink-sum-new-muse