I hate being a crazy girl.
A couple nights ago, my boyfriend told me he dreamed differently when he slept with me. He always has these dreams where this girl who is what he believes to be physical perfection-- dark almost black, but red hair, blue eyes, freckles, slim, small body-- and him hang out, he eventually hits on her and she eventually rejects them. That's how the dreams always go.
This weekend, he woke up Saturday morning and told me that he had one of those dreams, and this time the girl hit on him and he rejected her and told her, " I can't. There's a girl that I love." She said ok, and they hugged and went about as only friends after that.
Later that night, I learned that the girl in the dreams has a name-- Christine and she's not just in dreams, she's real. My boyfriend know nothing about her, he got her phone number once and after they set up a date, we started talking again and he didn't give her a chance. They didn't even go on their date.
Somehow, this bothers me. I can't help thinking that all these times we've talked about how people perceive eachother, like when I asked if girls went in slow motion like in the movies when boys thought they were beautiful and he responded "yes", I keep thinking he was talking about Christine, not me. And I keep thinking about ways to change how I look to look more like Christine. And I keep getting upset about the fact that I'm not what he thinks perfect is.
In reality, I know that he likes the way I look, thinks I'm beautiful, and even if Christine were to approach him in real life in a romantic way he would rejet her. Why can't I stop this obsession? Why can't I just be ok with myself? Why can't I realize that Christine and I are both beautiful? I can write all this down and know it, but I don't feel it. I hate being a crazy girl.
This weekend, he woke up Saturday morning and told me that he had one of those dreams, and this time the girl hit on him and he rejected her and told her, " I can't. There's a girl that I love." She said ok, and they hugged and went about as only friends after that.
Later that night, I learned that the girl in the dreams has a name-- Christine and she's not just in dreams, she's real. My boyfriend know nothing about her, he got her phone number once and after they set up a date, we started talking again and he didn't give her a chance. They didn't even go on their date.
Somehow, this bothers me. I can't help thinking that all these times we've talked about how people perceive eachother, like when I asked if girls went in slow motion like in the movies when boys thought they were beautiful and he responded "yes", I keep thinking he was talking about Christine, not me. And I keep thinking about ways to change how I look to look more like Christine. And I keep getting upset about the fact that I'm not what he thinks perfect is.
In reality, I know that he likes the way I look, thinks I'm beautiful, and even if Christine were to approach him in real life in a romantic way he would rejet her. Why can't I stop this obsession? Why can't I just be ok with myself? Why can't I realize that Christine and I are both beautiful? I can write all this down and know it, but I don't feel it. I hate being a crazy girl.