you want to watch me dissapear? well so do i...so do i...
my b-day is a week away...and im not at all excited...
im probably going to have to work...
i am going to the journey concert, but im still not that excited...
i think its just that im so pissed off at the world and the people on it that it completely ruins my outlook on life...
i used to be somewhat of an optimist, i didnt really care what people thought or said or believed in, but now for some reason i care, and it makes me angry, sad, and confused all at once making me this gigantic ball of confused hatred formed from everyone elses misdoings...
i know how i sound, like all i do is see the bad side of people and the things they do, but to me, the majority of things that happen to me are bad, and even if they are good, they somehow end up bad in the end. maybe a life change is in order. maybe i should start drinking again. maybe i should move away.
all questions i think of on a daily basis...it would be so easy to just move to a different state, never contact people again, start over, live MY life...but thats not how i was raised
i was raised through so many horrible things that i shouldnt be trying to quit when things are getting worse and worse...ive been fighting for a long time, and all i really need to get in touch with is that im the only one thats truly here for me, i am the only one who can pull myself from this slump...and i am the only one who can decide what i want to make of myself...
some important life decisions lay ahead, and on whatever road they take me, i just want you all to know that you meant alot to me, influencing my life in many ways, and even though we may not talk as much or at all anymore, i still love you, and i am still here for all of you...
this will be my last post on here...i will leave it up for people to read and understand why i have been acting the way i have over the past couple of months, and why i havent been all there lately...i take solace in knowing that people are there for me, its just that im not the type of person to seek comfort in anothers arms, i seek comfort in my own mind after i have straightened everything out in my head...its just that i have so many things to straighten out that i cant seem to focus on one just one thing...
so with this i will bid you adieu...
-brad-
im probably going to have to work...
i am going to the journey concert, but im still not that excited...
i think its just that im so pissed off at the world and the people on it that it completely ruins my outlook on life...
i used to be somewhat of an optimist, i didnt really care what people thought or said or believed in, but now for some reason i care, and it makes me angry, sad, and confused all at once making me this gigantic ball of confused hatred formed from everyone elses misdoings...
i know how i sound, like all i do is see the bad side of people and the things they do, but to me, the majority of things that happen to me are bad, and even if they are good, they somehow end up bad in the end. maybe a life change is in order. maybe i should start drinking again. maybe i should move away.
all questions i think of on a daily basis...it would be so easy to just move to a different state, never contact people again, start over, live MY life...but thats not how i was raised
i was raised through so many horrible things that i shouldnt be trying to quit when things are getting worse and worse...ive been fighting for a long time, and all i really need to get in touch with is that im the only one thats truly here for me, i am the only one who can pull myself from this slump...and i am the only one who can decide what i want to make of myself...
some important life decisions lay ahead, and on whatever road they take me, i just want you all to know that you meant alot to me, influencing my life in many ways, and even though we may not talk as much or at all anymore, i still love you, and i am still here for all of you...
this will be my last post on here...i will leave it up for people to read and understand why i have been acting the way i have over the past couple of months, and why i havent been all there lately...i take solace in knowing that people are there for me, its just that im not the type of person to seek comfort in anothers arms, i seek comfort in my own mind after i have straightened everything out in my head...its just that i have so many things to straighten out that i cant seem to focus on one just one thing...
so with this i will bid you adieu...
-brad-