Welcome back heart.
So I've been absent. It seems everyone has though. It's because we've found tumblr. Sorry LJ. But for nostalgic reasons I'm going to post here once more. Also because when ever I need to talk about boys or love and crap I post here. It's a ritual. So LJ, I have returned for the time being to post about some lame boys stuff. Here we go:
So my ex and I are sleeping together. Just fun buddies, not a relationship. However it practically is one. We talk all the time, text a lot, see each other once a week if not more. Also neither of us are seeing anyone else (not for lack of trying on my part) and he took care of me after I got super hammsies at my birthday. He actually sat on the floor with me while I puked in the toilet. He held my hair and gave me a massage and made me feel better. That's what you do for someone you care about. And that's the thing I care about him and I know he cares about me. But we're not dating. I have to keep reminding myself that. But there are moments when it feels like we are. We hold hands when we're in public. All the time. We went to value village (because he needed a halloween costume because he's coming to a party with me as my date) and we held hands and kissed in the aisles. You don't do that with your fun buddy. I feel like Tom in 500 Days of Summer- Friends my ass. But I can't let myself have feelings for him though because I know once he finds someone else he will leave me without any hesitation. And then I will be the one who's hurt again. Just like last time. So I'm not going to have feelings for him. But there are moments when I let those horrible thoughts creep in. The maybes and the what if's, I let them occupy a little space in my head. Especially in the morning when I wake up and he's holding me. I love our nights together. I rush over and we hop into bed and we have sex of course, which is fantastic. Then we cuddle and talk. And we talk about everything; our days, our hopes, our dreams, our futures, our pasts. We laugh and joke and it's just so easy. And then we fall asleep cuddling and it's the only way I can have a good night's sleep anymore. Then in the morning we wake up and whisper to each other and have sex again (duh lol) and then we'll go back to talking and cuddling and it's so warm and cozy and I hate it that I always have to rush off to work when all I want to do is stay in bed with him all day. But then for the rest of the day I smell like him. It sounds weird I know but I love it. My hair, my skin, sometimes even my clothes smell like him and through out the day I'll get a whiff and I just feel better. It sounds so strange to actually type it out. But it's the way it is.
Anyway the point of this post is that I'm screwed, literally and figuratively. And my heart is going to be broken but for right now I feel like it's worth it.
So my ex and I are sleeping together. Just fun buddies, not a relationship. However it practically is one. We talk all the time, text a lot, see each other once a week if not more. Also neither of us are seeing anyone else (not for lack of trying on my part) and he took care of me after I got super hammsies at my birthday. He actually sat on the floor with me while I puked in the toilet. He held my hair and gave me a massage and made me feel better. That's what you do for someone you care about. And that's the thing I care about him and I know he cares about me. But we're not dating. I have to keep reminding myself that. But there are moments when it feels like we are. We hold hands when we're in public. All the time. We went to value village (because he needed a halloween costume because he's coming to a party with me as my date) and we held hands and kissed in the aisles. You don't do that with your fun buddy. I feel like Tom in 500 Days of Summer- Friends my ass. But I can't let myself have feelings for him though because I know once he finds someone else he will leave me without any hesitation. And then I will be the one who's hurt again. Just like last time. So I'm not going to have feelings for him. But there are moments when I let those horrible thoughts creep in. The maybes and the what if's, I let them occupy a little space in my head. Especially in the morning when I wake up and he's holding me. I love our nights together. I rush over and we hop into bed and we have sex of course, which is fantastic. Then we cuddle and talk. And we talk about everything; our days, our hopes, our dreams, our futures, our pasts. We laugh and joke and it's just so easy. And then we fall asleep cuddling and it's the only way I can have a good night's sleep anymore. Then in the morning we wake up and whisper to each other and have sex again (duh lol) and then we'll go back to talking and cuddling and it's so warm and cozy and I hate it that I always have to rush off to work when all I want to do is stay in bed with him all day. But then for the rest of the day I smell like him. It sounds weird I know but I love it. My hair, my skin, sometimes even my clothes smell like him and through out the day I'll get a whiff and I just feel better. It sounds so strange to actually type it out. But it's the way it is.
Anyway the point of this post is that I'm screwed, literally and figuratively. And my heart is going to be broken but for right now I feel like it's worth it.