Throw It All Away
Well, lets see where to start? Okay umm yesterday had to work 1 - 7 so I didnt go to school. Worked with Ryan (boss) Today worked 10 - 5 well started in the morning working with Janice and then at 2 Ryan came in. N e ways, thats not what I want to talk about, its when I came home...well got a lil bit of good news, got a fish tank. N e ways, came on here to check my email. Mike was on, I havent talked to Mike ina few days, hes been busy, whatever, anyways...tells me he has news. Guess what it is?...Ashley and him are going to work thigns out. Big mistake! Huge! For one the girl left him, when she turned 19 so she can go and do the party thing and expierence the whole bar thing and got with another guy if thats not enough, she completely changed. To my understanding Mike wasnt going to get back with her, said she wasnt the same and shes changed. Well, get this..they started talking Monday and she broke up with her boyfriend yesterday and now their going to work things out. I was not happy at all!...Because of what I just told you. The girl comes back right when she knows Mike is getting over her and she comes back and he takes her back! I know they have been together for 4 yrs, thats a long time. Since shes been 15. Now she realizes she made a mistake and wants to be with him, HELLO...Of course she made a mistake! Why did she even have to leave to find that out that it would be a mistake! I knew she would come back that she would realize she made a mistake, but one thing I never thought was that Mike would go back. If it didnt work when they tried to work things oout, of course its not going to now, but he seems to think people can change for the better and that she realizes she made the mistake and it wont happen again. I think hes wrong, well right that maybe she realizes she made a mistake and all that but wrong that it will work out, Yeah maybe it will for a month or so maybe even a few, but its only going to go back to the same thing. I was really disappointed in him and he knew it, he could tell as soon as I started talking that I was. It just really hurts, because everythign he said to be about him and her getting back together seems like lies to me. Thats the way it feels. He dont understand. I was the one who was there when she broke his heart and he poured his heart out to me about everything and I thought for sure that would be the reason he wouldnt go back because of what she did to him, but I was wrong. He told me he wouldnt go back, because she left him. Then he asks me if I have ever been in love, and when I said no he said I cant understand how he feels then...that hurt. I may not have ever been in love, but I know that if someone hurts me Im not going to give them the chance to do it again. Do you know how many relationships I see, people trying over and over to make it work and each time it doesnt, just makes it worse. I dont want that for Mike. I dont want him to be hurt. Yes I want him to be happy but not like this, not with someone who hurt him before. He kept telling me this wasnt going to change our friendship, Yeah I guess we will see, because I bet you anyways it will. Thats another part of the reason I was upset, because I know we wont be hanging out or talking as much. Mike is the guy I talk to about everything and can say anything to, I trust him completely, but now who am Igoing to go to when I need to talk or need to call when Im drunk and my friends pass out on me? Or whos going to come pick me up and and stay out until 3 in the morning? Its not going to be him. Hes not going to beable to. Its like everything good in my life, it goes away or gets taken away from me. Thats whats going to happen and that hurts. Hes like my best friend. I dont want to lose that, that may sound selfish but I dont want to lose him as much best friend. It just really irratates me that she comes crawling back when she knows hes getting over her and that he takes her back. I know hes doing what he feels is right, and maybe he owes himself to atleast try, but I dont want the same thing to happen. I dont to say ' I told you so'. I should of known there was a reason why I havent talked to Mike in a few days and why he hasnt asked to hang out. I knew exactly what it was when he said he had good news. Well, that is not the only pisser off tonight. Well friday night I had kind of semi plans to go to the club in claire with Kristin she said shed call me whne I was at work and leave a mgs, well she didnt. And guess what else? She went to the club! Didnt even call me or let me know I couldnt go or didnt want me to go or whatever the reason! I found out tonight that she did go and I asked if she said anything about why she didnt call and the person told me that she didnt say much probably so it wouldnt get back to me as always!...aint that something. What the fuck. That pissed me off, I mean if you dont want me to go or whatever , tell me! Dont be a fucking bitch about it and not even let me know!!! Fuck her, Im not even bothering asking to do anything with her. Really piss me off, you best be believing I wrote her an email letting her know too. What the fuck kind of friend does that anyways!??! Not a real one thats for sure! Fuck people are just pissing me off today. It must be Piss Off Sara Day! I havent done fuck all this whole weekend not gone out or anything! what a fucking life I have. Tell ya it just makes me want to disappear and see how many people actually care and notice. Im in a really bad mood. Im not really impressed at all.