lots on mi mind

[b_e_a_utiful118]

hey guys...well im takin da time 2 write in this cuz it helps me vent n trust mi derres alot goin thru mi mind rite now n since most ppl dont understan...ill jus write about it n c if it helps...=D...k sO yea love freakin hurts! i feel like sum1 jus ripped out mi heart n like stomped all over it! lets c...da guy ive liked since 4evr kinda started 2 like me bak...or so he told evryone else but mi...anyways...it was all good u kno flirtin was super fun n it made me happy that he was actually finally showin sum interest...but lil did i kno he was basically jus playin his lil games... yea then beach bash game n for like a split second that i was wit him evrythin seemed like perfect! n of course 4 da past couple of wks ppl had been tellin me he liked me n he was thinkin of askin me out...o were they wrong...they also said dat he hadnt asked mi out cuz like he wanted "2 c wut else is out there" ...but yea i guess it doesnt help dat he doesnt look cuz he pays attention 2 me wen im there...but w.e ...point is that hes keepin me there as his bak up while he has fun b/c he knos dat no matter wut ill always love him..n maybe he doesnt realize the amount of pain this is causin me n maybe he doesnt even notice hes doin it but dat doesnt take away from the fact that its killin me...anyways..ive decided to try to stop dwellin on this 2 much..i mean im not sayin im gonna get over it cuz rite now that seems impossible n truthfully i dont want 2 b.c i like him n i wanna like him...n yea ...would i ever giv him another chance? probaly...not that hes gonna ask 4 it b.c more than likely we'll always jus b friends...but w.e..this situation is also causin me pain b.c he is one of mi best friends n da person dat i can turn 2 for anythin and evrythin..n lately it jus hasnt been the same..sO w.e...i miss him (not jus b.c i like him) but simply b/c b4 anythin he was mi best friend n now i feel like im losin him entirely n dats da last thing on earth i would ever want...sO yea...do i still like him? yea...do i care wut hes doin 2 me anymore? no...am i gonna continue dwellin on it n bein sad? definitely goin 2 try not 2...n the last thing thats REALLY botherin me is that he knos we have 2 talk about w.e has been goin on lately n he wont even give me that...i mean i wanna say sooo much 2 him but he never gives me a chance 2...o well...i guess evrythin happens 4 a reason n if he really cares about mi @ all (dat doesnt mean if he likes me)...he'll put in sumwat of an effort 2 try n get bak da relationship weve lost...its truly the only thing i wish 4 rite now..so yea im jus goin 2 sit n watch wat time brings...hOpefully things start lookin up SOON cuz its not fair dat i can never smile anymore...sO yea oviously this entry is dedicated 2 him...(u kno hu u r)....w.e if ur readin this n ur wonderin if im mad @ u or if i hate u da answer is "of course not!" i still love u wit all mi heart n i could never b mad @ u...wow...i feel sooo much better rite now...ok sO yea ill write again soon n hopefully ill have less drama in mi life..(wow i never thought id actually say i wanted LESS drama in mi life . lol =D)
ok well thats all 4 2day ..i think i did a pretty good job @ lettin u kno evrythin thats been goin on..dont u agree? lol
♥ jess