I should read this the next time I yearn for a martini.
I'm writing this because I don't want to forget.
The Thursday before last (the 9th), I had a bit of a slip. Well, more than a slip. I relapsed. It wasn't a 'have half a beer and realize you were in the wrong' kind of relapse. It was more of a 'I'm getting drunk and I'm not even going to try and hide it' kind of day.
It was so bad I ended up at the Brigham and Women's ER later that night. My mom and dad chauffeured me in town. I was interviewed by the psychiatrist on duty. Some other nurses got my vitals. All standard procedure. Once my parents left (at about 2 AM), I was transported to my own 'room'. I stayed in that room (and pretty much in that bed) from 2 AM Friday to 5 PM Saturday. Lots of time to think, in other words. The time dragged on. It was horrible. I didn't sleep much (it was the ER, after all). After talking with another psychiatrist, a social worker/her colleague, and a PA, it was decided I should go to a dual diagnosis/crisis stabilization unit once a bed opened up. I was told around 3 PM Saturday I'd be transported to the Cambridge CSU once the bed that was reserved for me opened up. Once the ambulance arrived to transport me showed up, I was no sooner on the gurney and out the door. The paramedics who transported me were pretty nice to chat with. They seemed rather non-judgemental. I appreciated that.
The Cambridge CSU (conveniently located in Somerville) was and is a good place to go to recoup after a relapse. The unit only has 6 beds and only 3 staff on per shift (a nurse, a counselor, and an NP). When I got there, there were only two other patients there. Once was a man with what seemed to be alcohol induced dementia. The other was a man who checked himself in voluntarily because that weekend was the two year anniversary of his son's suicide; and he was in a bad place emotionally. Throughout the night, three other patients were admitted. Full capacity. Two of the newbies were drug addicts. One needed a place to stay for a night so he could get his methadone the next day. The other said he was overworked. The last admittance was a 51 year old woman who had been clean for a number of years but over the past few months, had slipped into her old ways. Her name was Lynne.
She was the other patient I gravitated towards the most during my stint there. She had genuine compassion. It was nice to have human contact. Since we'd both be there for the same amount of time- I think subconsciously, we knew we should make the best of the situation. We did crosswords together. We watched tv. We talked about how we had each ended up here. I want to thank her to listening. Other people have listened and talked to me before- but unless you are an alcoholic/addict, you don't understand completely. We both had messed up our respective sobriety. We both had no one to blame but ourselves. But, we both wanted to get better. We weren't bad people who went to jail. We were sick people who needed help to get on the path to getting well. I hope she's okay. We'll more than likely never meet again. And that's okay. She really made my time there tolerable. I hope she knows that.
The nurse who was there Saturday and Sunday nights (Lauren) was also an angel. As was the counselor on duty Sunday night (Johnny). Lauren and I talked about our college years and just shot the breeze while everyone else was napping off their heroin binges. Johnny and I also watched the Golden Globes. After a while we were talking about movies and actors and whatever else the awards show prompted. We did some crossword puzzles too, during the commercials. He was really sweet. It didn't help he was really attractive (to me). I hope he knows how much him just hanging out with me really meant to me. It's a shame I'll probably never see either of those two again, either.
I want to write a card and send it to the unit. They probably don't get much in the way of reflection from patients. They were just doing their jobs. But, to me it felt like they were going above and beyond the call of duty.
Anyway, I've been home since last Tuesday. I'm moving to Quincy today (into my grandmother's home). Maybe this will be a change I need to better my life. The past 2.5 years have been tough. Every time I took a step forward, I'd take two back. I'm 27 now, and I need to get my life on track.
So I wish Lynne the best in her recovery. I wish Lauren and Johnny all the best.
I'll update another time (hopefully, with only good news.)
-Brian
The Thursday before last (the 9th), I had a bit of a slip. Well, more than a slip. I relapsed. It wasn't a 'have half a beer and realize you were in the wrong' kind of relapse. It was more of a 'I'm getting drunk and I'm not even going to try and hide it' kind of day.
It was so bad I ended up at the Brigham and Women's ER later that night. My mom and dad chauffeured me in town. I was interviewed by the psychiatrist on duty. Some other nurses got my vitals. All standard procedure. Once my parents left (at about 2 AM), I was transported to my own 'room'. I stayed in that room (and pretty much in that bed) from 2 AM Friday to 5 PM Saturday. Lots of time to think, in other words. The time dragged on. It was horrible. I didn't sleep much (it was the ER, after all). After talking with another psychiatrist, a social worker/her colleague, and a PA, it was decided I should go to a dual diagnosis/crisis stabilization unit once a bed opened up. I was told around 3 PM Saturday I'd be transported to the Cambridge CSU once the bed that was reserved for me opened up. Once the ambulance arrived to transport me showed up, I was no sooner on the gurney and out the door. The paramedics who transported me were pretty nice to chat with. They seemed rather non-judgemental. I appreciated that.
The Cambridge CSU (conveniently located in Somerville) was and is a good place to go to recoup after a relapse. The unit only has 6 beds and only 3 staff on per shift (a nurse, a counselor, and an NP). When I got there, there were only two other patients there. Once was a man with what seemed to be alcohol induced dementia. The other was a man who checked himself in voluntarily because that weekend was the two year anniversary of his son's suicide; and he was in a bad place emotionally. Throughout the night, three other patients were admitted. Full capacity. Two of the newbies were drug addicts. One needed a place to stay for a night so he could get his methadone the next day. The other said he was overworked. The last admittance was a 51 year old woman who had been clean for a number of years but over the past few months, had slipped into her old ways. Her name was Lynne.
She was the other patient I gravitated towards the most during my stint there. She had genuine compassion. It was nice to have human contact. Since we'd both be there for the same amount of time- I think subconsciously, we knew we should make the best of the situation. We did crosswords together. We watched tv. We talked about how we had each ended up here. I want to thank her to listening. Other people have listened and talked to me before- but unless you are an alcoholic/addict, you don't understand completely. We both had messed up our respective sobriety. We both had no one to blame but ourselves. But, we both wanted to get better. We weren't bad people who went to jail. We were sick people who needed help to get on the path to getting well. I hope she's okay. We'll more than likely never meet again. And that's okay. She really made my time there tolerable. I hope she knows that.
The nurse who was there Saturday and Sunday nights (Lauren) was also an angel. As was the counselor on duty Sunday night (Johnny). Lauren and I talked about our college years and just shot the breeze while everyone else was napping off their heroin binges. Johnny and I also watched the Golden Globes. After a while we were talking about movies and actors and whatever else the awards show prompted. We did some crossword puzzles too, during the commercials. He was really sweet. It didn't help he was really attractive (to me). I hope he knows how much him just hanging out with me really meant to me. It's a shame I'll probably never see either of those two again, either.
I want to write a card and send it to the unit. They probably don't get much in the way of reflection from patients. They were just doing their jobs. But, to me it felt like they were going above and beyond the call of duty.
Anyway, I've been home since last Tuesday. I'm moving to Quincy today (into my grandmother's home). Maybe this will be a change I need to better my life. The past 2.5 years have been tough. Every time I took a step forward, I'd take two back. I'm 27 now, and I need to get my life on track.
So I wish Lynne the best in her recovery. I wish Lauren and Johnny all the best.
I'll update another time (hopefully, with only good news.)
-Brian