"Listen very carefully, I shall say zees only once!"
Last night, my parents and I went to see a life production of the TV show 'Allo 'Allo at the Lowry theatre in Manchester. It was brilliant!
Now, I've always loved 'Allo 'Allo. It's one of those old comedies that just hasn't aged at all, and is still just as hysterically funny now as it was way back when. But this stage production was just ... it was hilarious. All of the actors did such an amazing job. The original cast is a hard act to follow, but they did so well!
Lt. Gruber - who cafe-owner Rene introduces as, "The one who fancies me." - has always been a favourite character of mine. (Not least because of the massive amount of gay innunendo. :P)
Now, in this production, Gruber turned out to be quite shiny-looking. Which was weird, but in the best possible way. He also turned out to be played by Robin Sebastian, who was also Kenneth Williams in Round the Horne ... Revisited both on the radio and the TV! He was fabulous in that as well. :D (He's also been in Private Lives and The Importance of Being Earnest, and played Roger De Bris' male "secretary" in The Producers. *cough* Not that he's being typecast. At all. *snerks, but quietly because according to Wikipedia he's married*)
Even better - we were walking back to the car after the performance, and we saw the guy who played Rene (incidentally was in Emmerdale for three months) walking out. Me and dad decided to go for an autograph, and while we were waiting for him to sign someone else's programme, my dad spotted Robin Sebastian (not knowing that he was in all the things above at that point) and got his autograph, too! (He wears glasses in real life! And is even shinier! *is a sad, sad person*) I was pleased. So were they, actually; they seemed quite delighted that we'd enjoyed it, and they were nice. ^^
Anyway. Back to the performance! And back to Gruber! Because (slight Robin Sebastian obsession notwishstanding) my favourite moments in the whole thing were probably Gruber-related. (Shuttup, innuendos are funny!)
Hilarious Gruber Moment #1 -- Rene has sneaked out of the cafe to steal a knackwurst sausage from the butcher. He got caught by Officer Crabtree (the Englishman in disguise as a French policeman, but whose French accent causes frankly hilarious misunderstandings), who (for reasons unknown) has the sausage in his trousers. He's just taken then down and given Rene the sausage, which Rene has tucked between his legs behind his apron, when guess who appears? Yes, that's right - Gruber.
Rene: I suppose you are wondering what I am doing out 'ere with a Policeman who is pulling 'is trousers?
Gruber: Well, vhat you do in your own time if your own business, Rene ...
*cough* Yes. So. They sit down on this convenient bench, and start having this conversation. (I would like to point out that I saw this entire scenario happening from the moment Gruber walked onto the stage.) Just as Gruber comes out with something along the lines of, "And, you know, you and I are on ze same side ..." and looks at Rene, the sausage ... well. Makes it look like Rene is interested, if you get what I'm saying. This happens several times, until basically Gruber can't take it any more and runs away.
Hilarious Gruber Moment #2 -- The Resistance wants to kidnap Hitler, and Rene is forced to help on pain of being shot. So. After many goings-on, the Resistance supplies Rene with a blow-up Hitler, which he (and everyone else) is trying to inflate in his pantry. However, it has a hole, and it's in a compromising position, so Rene and Yvette bent blow-up-Hitler over a chair and Officer Crabtree fetches a puncture repair kit. Yvette goes to do some waitressing, and while Rene holds the patch on blow-up-Hitler's arse (from behind), Crabtree proceeds to inflate blow-up-Hilter (from behind Rene, with gusto an lots of hip-movement).
This entire affair looks very much like something else. You can imagine what.
The moment they started, I thought, "The only thing that could make this funnier would be Gruber walking in on them." And then he did. And was so utterly shocked that he flailed and then fled.
He did come back a moment later to ask what Rene was doing. (Braver man than me!)
Gruber: ... Rene?
Rene & Crabtree: *stop what they're doing and turn to look at Gruber*
Rene: Uh ...
Crabtree: *knocks Gruber out with his truncheon*
Rene: *turns to audience* 'E will never know.
Poor, poor, possibly-disturbed-for-life Gruber. My God.
Hilarious Gruber Moment #3 -- Rene gets a new radio from the Resistance, with which to contact England. This radio is in the shape of a cockatoo, and comes on randomly sometimes. Like when Rene is talking to Gruber at the bar, at which point Gruber completely misinterprets what's going on, thinks the cockatoo/radio is Rene talking to him, gets the wrong end of the stick and basically ends up thinking that Rene's going to meet him for a tete-a-tete behind the barn. Believe me, it was funny -- and if I could remember it, I'd transcribe it for you so that you too could enjoy. XD
There were other, non-Gruber-related moments that were fantastic, too. Such as Everything To Do With Herr Flick of the Gestapo. The guy playing him was ... he was just like the guy in the TV series, it was incredible! I couldn't believe it! He had the look of him, the voice, the mannerisms ... everything!
Flick: Do you vant to sit facing se bar, or ze room?
Helga: *argh, what do I choose to please him?* ... Anyvhere, Herr Flick, so long as I am looking at you, nassing else matters.
Flick: Very vell zen, sit down, and sometimes I vill turn my head like so, so zat you may admire my profile.
Also, I'm sorry, but anything - anything - to do with painting of the Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies by Van Klompt being hidden in a sausage (which is then eaten) is funny.
Mme. Edith's cabaret (pronounced "cab-ah-re-iyh!!" by Edith herself, bless her!) was so wonderful. The woman can't sing, and she's too old to be anything other than funny when she tries to be sexy, but she thinks she's still got it. Which makes it so funny. The actress playing Edith was so wonderful, honestly. Not quite like Edith in the show, but enough like her (and just as funny in her own way) to be great!
Then there was Helga's striptease - not particularly sexy, but funny as hell for the fact that Flick asks if she's wearing "ze undervear viss ze leetle Svastikas embroidered on ze hem" and then the fact that she has this really sour expression on her face throughout the whole thing. Oh, and Helga helping Flick to dress. And Helga and Flick dancing the tango! Rarely are there moments of comedy gold like that. Herr Flick's dodgy leg! He kicked that leg up to waist-height, all the while keeping it perfectly straight. It was incredible!
Flick: It is time for my solo.
Me: *thinks* In a tango, he has a solo?! Only Herr Flick ...
Helga: Shall I hold your hat?
Flick: Sank you.
Helga: *takes his hat off his head*
Flick: *does a pseudo-breakdance with his 'dodgy leg', keeping it entirely straight the entire time, then comes to the middle to take a bow*
Helga: *puts his hat back on his head*
Ah, and Captain Bertorelli, the Italian womaniser. He was fun to watch. I think he got slapped by every single woman in the production. XD He also got his fingers trapped in mousetraps when he tried it on with Helga in the back row of the cinema, because Flick (who turned up in drag as an usherette at the cinema) gave her a Gestapo Suspender Belt (on which were affixed mousetraps) and told her that the only operating instructions were, while wearing it, "Don't cross your legs."
And, of course, they had to have the moment that ran something like this:
Yvette: Oh, Rrrrrrrrrene!
Rene: Oh, Yvette!
Yvette: 'Old me! Kiss me!
Rene: *embraces her tightly*
Edith: Rene! What are you doing 'olding that serving-girl in your arms?!
Rene: You stupid woman! Can you not see that she 'as fainted from lack of food?
Yvette: *goes limp*
Edith: Oh, Rene, I am sorry - Yvette, go to ze kitchen, and 'ave somesing to eat!
Ah, the "You stupid wo-man" line. <3 We were all waiting for it, right from the first moment Rene embraced someone who wasn't Edith. :P
Oh! Oh! And Mimi! Who is so short and adorable and pouty! She was made to stand on things so that Rene wouldn't have to bend over to hold her! XD
Ah, the whole thing was just amazing. I loved it from start to finish! However, I now really want to watch the TV series! *grabby hands* I hope I don't miss it on Sunday when it's on the telly ...
*makes up for lack of TV show by finding quotes and making icons with which to abuse icon space*
In Other News: The TV in the room is kaput. Boo! Also, Firefox is on the blink. BUT! I've now got over 60,000 words of novel! And I've not finished typing it up yet! *glee* This baby is going to be somewhere between 70-75K, if not more; I am so happy!
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Now, I've always loved 'Allo 'Allo. It's one of those old comedies that just hasn't aged at all, and is still just as hysterically funny now as it was way back when. But this stage production was just ... it was hilarious. All of the actors did such an amazing job. The original cast is a hard act to follow, but they did so well!
Lt. Gruber - who cafe-owner Rene introduces as, "The one who fancies me." - has always been a favourite character of mine. (Not least because of the massive amount of gay innunendo. :P)
Now, in this production, Gruber turned out to be quite shiny-looking. Which was weird, but in the best possible way. He also turned out to be played by Robin Sebastian, who was also Kenneth Williams in Round the Horne ... Revisited both on the radio and the TV! He was fabulous in that as well. :D (He's also been in Private Lives and The Importance of Being Earnest, and played Roger De Bris' male "secretary" in The Producers. *cough* Not that he's being typecast. At all. *snerks, but quietly because according to Wikipedia he's married*)
Even better - we were walking back to the car after the performance, and we saw the guy who played Rene (incidentally was in Emmerdale for three months) walking out. Me and dad decided to go for an autograph, and while we were waiting for him to sign someone else's programme, my dad spotted Robin Sebastian (not knowing that he was in all the things above at that point) and got his autograph, too! (He wears glasses in real life! And is even shinier! *is a sad, sad person*) I was pleased. So were they, actually; they seemed quite delighted that we'd enjoyed it, and they were nice. ^^
Anyway. Back to the performance! And back to Gruber! Because (slight Robin Sebastian obsession notwishstanding) my favourite moments in the whole thing were probably Gruber-related. (Shuttup, innuendos are funny!)
Hilarious Gruber Moment #1 -- Rene has sneaked out of the cafe to steal a knackwurst sausage from the butcher. He got caught by Officer Crabtree (the Englishman in disguise as a French policeman, but whose French accent causes frankly hilarious misunderstandings), who (for reasons unknown) has the sausage in his trousers. He's just taken then down and given Rene the sausage, which Rene has tucked between his legs behind his apron, when guess who appears? Yes, that's right - Gruber.
Rene: I suppose you are wondering what I am doing out 'ere with a Policeman who is pulling 'is trousers?
Gruber: Well, vhat you do in your own time if your own business, Rene ...
*cough* Yes. So. They sit down on this convenient bench, and start having this conversation. (I would like to point out that I saw this entire scenario happening from the moment Gruber walked onto the stage.) Just as Gruber comes out with something along the lines of, "And, you know, you and I are on ze same side ..." and looks at Rene, the sausage ... well. Makes it look like Rene is interested, if you get what I'm saying. This happens several times, until basically Gruber can't take it any more and runs away.
Hilarious Gruber Moment #2 -- The Resistance wants to kidnap Hitler, and Rene is forced to help on pain of being shot. So. After many goings-on, the Resistance supplies Rene with a blow-up Hitler, which he (and everyone else) is trying to inflate in his pantry. However, it has a hole, and it's in a compromising position, so Rene and Yvette bent blow-up-Hitler over a chair and Officer Crabtree fetches a puncture repair kit. Yvette goes to do some waitressing, and while Rene holds the patch on blow-up-Hitler's arse (from behind), Crabtree proceeds to inflate blow-up-Hilter (from behind Rene, with gusto an lots of hip-movement).
This entire affair looks very much like something else. You can imagine what.
The moment they started, I thought, "The only thing that could make this funnier would be Gruber walking in on them." And then he did. And was so utterly shocked that he flailed and then fled.
He did come back a moment later to ask what Rene was doing. (Braver man than me!)
Gruber: ... Rene?
Rene & Crabtree: *stop what they're doing and turn to look at Gruber*
Rene: Uh ...
Crabtree: *knocks Gruber out with his truncheon*
Rene: *turns to audience* 'E will never know.
Poor, poor, possibly-disturbed-for-life Gruber. My God.
Hilarious Gruber Moment #3 -- Rene gets a new radio from the Resistance, with which to contact England. This radio is in the shape of a cockatoo, and comes on randomly sometimes. Like when Rene is talking to Gruber at the bar, at which point Gruber completely misinterprets what's going on, thinks the cockatoo/radio is Rene talking to him, gets the wrong end of the stick and basically ends up thinking that Rene's going to meet him for a tete-a-tete behind the barn. Believe me, it was funny -- and if I could remember it, I'd transcribe it for you so that you too could enjoy. XD
There were other, non-Gruber-related moments that were fantastic, too. Such as Everything To Do With Herr Flick of the Gestapo. The guy playing him was ... he was just like the guy in the TV series, it was incredible! I couldn't believe it! He had the look of him, the voice, the mannerisms ... everything!
Flick: Do you vant to sit facing se bar, or ze room?
Helga: *argh, what do I choose to please him?* ... Anyvhere, Herr Flick, so long as I am looking at you, nassing else matters.
Flick: Very vell zen, sit down, and sometimes I vill turn my head like so, so zat you may admire my profile.
Also, I'm sorry, but anything - anything - to do with painting of the Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies by Van Klompt being hidden in a sausage (which is then eaten) is funny.
Mme. Edith's cabaret (pronounced "cab-ah-re-iyh!!" by Edith herself, bless her!) was so wonderful. The woman can't sing, and she's too old to be anything other than funny when she tries to be sexy, but she thinks she's still got it. Which makes it so funny. The actress playing Edith was so wonderful, honestly. Not quite like Edith in the show, but enough like her (and just as funny in her own way) to be great!
Then there was Helga's striptease - not particularly sexy, but funny as hell for the fact that Flick asks if she's wearing "ze undervear viss ze leetle Svastikas embroidered on ze hem" and then the fact that she has this really sour expression on her face throughout the whole thing. Oh, and Helga helping Flick to dress. And Helga and Flick dancing the tango! Rarely are there moments of comedy gold like that. Herr Flick's dodgy leg! He kicked that leg up to waist-height, all the while keeping it perfectly straight. It was incredible!
Flick: It is time for my solo.
Me: *thinks* In a tango, he has a solo?! Only Herr Flick ...
Helga: Shall I hold your hat?
Flick: Sank you.
Helga: *takes his hat off his head*
Flick: *does a pseudo-breakdance with his 'dodgy leg', keeping it entirely straight the entire time, then comes to the middle to take a bow*
Helga: *puts his hat back on his head*
Ah, and Captain Bertorelli, the Italian womaniser. He was fun to watch. I think he got slapped by every single woman in the production. XD He also got his fingers trapped in mousetraps when he tried it on with Helga in the back row of the cinema, because Flick (who turned up in drag as an usherette at the cinema) gave her a Gestapo Suspender Belt (on which were affixed mousetraps) and told her that the only operating instructions were, while wearing it, "Don't cross your legs."
And, of course, they had to have the moment that ran something like this:
Yvette: Oh, Rrrrrrrrrene!
Rene: Oh, Yvette!
Yvette: 'Old me! Kiss me!
Rene: *embraces her tightly*
Edith: Rene! What are you doing 'olding that serving-girl in your arms?!
Rene: You stupid woman! Can you not see that she 'as fainted from lack of food?
Yvette: *goes limp*
Edith: Oh, Rene, I am sorry - Yvette, go to ze kitchen, and 'ave somesing to eat!
Ah, the "You stupid wo-man" line. <3 We were all waiting for it, right from the first moment Rene embraced someone who wasn't Edith. :P
Oh! Oh! And Mimi! Who is so short and adorable and pouty! She was made to stand on things so that Rene wouldn't have to bend over to hold her! XD
Ah, the whole thing was just amazing. I loved it from start to finish! However, I now really want to watch the TV series! *grabby hands* I hope I don't miss it on Sunday when it's on the telly ...
*makes up for lack of TV show by finding quotes and making icons with which to abuse icon space*
In Other News: The TV in the room is kaput. Boo! Also, Firefox is on the blink. BUT! I've now got over 60,000 words of novel! And I've not finished typing it up yet! *glee* This baby is going to be somewhere between 70-75K, if not more; I am so happy!
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