three o'clock
I had my moment of temporary madness and depression yesterday. It was, in part, brought upon by SEC and the temporary farewells showered upon me throughout the day. I mean, the worship songs were about the joy of waiting, how things will turn out beautiful in His time, how we stand by grace on His promises and walk by faith as He walks with us and the pretty!disney!offertory was about counting your blessings. Totally in your face!
I guess it didn't really hit me until yesterday that I was going to be away and missing stuff all the way to December. It was just one of those temporary low points and that triggered a barrage of similar emo, depressing thoughts. I was filled with thoughts of leaving the comforts of home and how, to a large extent, my perception of self has been shaped around the things that I did (and vice versa). Taking up Chemistry was to serve the logical, rational, systematic side of me. Not pursuing a scholarship was due to the slightly rebellious streak in me. In a way, this applied to service in ministry too. I tend to gravitate towards what I liked (like admin and control and organisation) and avoided what I was less inclined to do (like being nice and sociable. hee). So I guess I have been more of a legalist that I thought I am. It dawned on me that part of my reluctance to leave was because I had to relinquish control over some of these packets of my life. My identity and self-worth goes beyond all these things that I've built my life upon! Glad I've got that sorted out. :)
So these 3 months mark a time to venture out, explore, think, reflect and discover. I'm too much of a cynic, pragmatist and pessimist to list out a million things to accomplish and do. I'll just gingerly take little baby steps out and enjoy the rest of the year since 2011 will be CRAZY.
And to counter the negativity that might consume me sometimes?
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14
I guess it didn't really hit me until yesterday that I was going to be away and missing stuff all the way to December. It was just one of those temporary low points and that triggered a barrage of similar emo, depressing thoughts. I was filled with thoughts of leaving the comforts of home and how, to a large extent, my perception of self has been shaped around the things that I did (and vice versa). Taking up Chemistry was to serve the logical, rational, systematic side of me. Not pursuing a scholarship was due to the slightly rebellious streak in me. In a way, this applied to service in ministry too. I tend to gravitate towards what I liked (like admin and control and organisation) and avoided what I was less inclined to do (like being nice and sociable. hee). So I guess I have been more of a legalist that I thought I am. It dawned on me that part of my reluctance to leave was because I had to relinquish control over some of these packets of my life. My identity and self-worth goes beyond all these things that I've built my life upon! Glad I've got that sorted out. :)
So these 3 months mark a time to venture out, explore, think, reflect and discover. I'm too much of a cynic, pragmatist and pessimist to list out a million things to accomplish and do. I'll just gingerly take little baby steps out and enjoy the rest of the year since 2011 will be CRAZY.
And to counter the negativity that might consume me sometimes?
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14