hopes, dreams, aspirations.

[b_b_b_bettie]

I want to clip coupons, scrape change, and live on love and cheap food. I want to get fucked up and make love, I want to be sober and make love, I just want to make love to him.

I want him to give me deep kisses, and I want him to sneak up behind me and steal a kiss. I want to be absorbed in something and have him smack my butt and laugh.

I want to create my own art next to him while he creates his. I want to share his music, and I want to open him to mine.

I want to hold his hand when things make him cry, and I want him to hold mine when I want to cry.

I want a wedding with a fairy tale theme. I want to be the princess marrying the prince. I want my husband to wear a top hat, and carry a cane. I want his hair to be long and flowing out from underneath the hat.

I want to roll over and see him next to me, watching me sleep. I want to roll over and see him next to me, sleeping, so I can watch. I want to roll over into his open arms when I have a nightmare. I want to roll over and find my special spot against his chest.I want to roll over and wake up next to him every single day of my life.

I want to finish college and become a teacher while he finishes college and becomes a photographer, or a music major. I want to support him when he can't find a job, and I want him to support me when I need a break from mine.

I want to buy him a motorcycle, a dirt bike, and a corvette. I want him to buy me a motorcycle, a four wheeler, and a mustang. I want to go for Saturday drives and Sunday cruises. I want to save up opur money and travel to new places. I want to save up our money and buy a house.

I want to live in one house with him for our entire lives. I never want to move, and I never want to buy a new house.

I want to wake up with tender breasts, swollen ankles, and an upset stomach. I want to see the little strip turn blue. I want to see his excitment when I tell him, "We're having a baby."

I want to watch our children take their first steps into my husband's arms. I want to watch my children grow up with the best father around, and the best mother too. I want to cry beside them over broken toys, bones, and hearts. I want to laugh beside them over new puppies, acheivements reached, and first dates. I want to watch them mature. I want to see their father in them. I want to see myself in them.

I want to watch them graduate high school, fall in love, go to college, become somthing important, welcome their own children into the world.

I want to hold my husband's gnarled fingers in my own arthritic hands. I want to grow a vegetable garden, an herb garden, and a fruit garden. I want to wear floppy hats and Long, loose clothes. I want to sit on the deck in our rockers and watch our children's children run through our yard.

I want to be there when they say he is dying. I want him to be there when they say I am dying. I want him to hold my hand when they find that lump, bump, or groove that defines the length of my life. I want to be there when he has that last breath. I want him to be there when I have mine.

I don't want a fancy life.
I don't want to miss the bad things.
I don't want anyone else...
As much as we argue, I could only do these things with Stanley.