(no subject)
i've been really depressed lately.
i know that it's the weather and the stress.
i kinda gave up, i felt like theres nothing i can do.
but i was watching some dumb videos online. and i came across one of 2 teenages singing along to the radio. you could tell by there cloths and the weather outside that it was summer and i realized how much different it is. it's not just the less stress from being out of school, but it's thw whole damn thing. the weather, the smells, the lack of disease, the millions of options availible every night. winter lacks the sense of adventure. no one wants to do anything but sit around there house. and the lack of fun and adventure drives me to care less about work, school, my own well being. i need to get out of here, it is no longer just a meaning of comfort, but servival... and the snow hasn't even fallen.
i am going to be a full time student next semester :( i don't want to be, or have to be. but my mom was flipping out that i wasn't going to be on her insurance, so i have to pick up an extra class. my scedual so far was a poetry class, an intro to drawing class and my sr.proj class, but now that i have to pick up 4 more credits to be full time i think i am going to sign up for ethics, not so much for the class, but bc i really like the teacher. i have him in my sociology class, and he is the only person in the class that i enjoy talking to. and he likes my enthusiasm about the topics to the point that he just lets me do whatever i want. the other day i told him i didn't like out journal topic and i ased him if i could write about somthing else, and he said shure, so i asked him what ishould write about, and he told me to write whatever i wanted bc he knew it would be better then whatever anyone else would write. i am working on the final paper for his class. it is a 10-12 page research paper on the differences between the american dream and the europian dream and how they are effected by capitalism and socialism, it's fun, but a little challenging, however i found some people that would be happy to help me with it, which is good bc i could use the help and the intelligent conversation.
for new years this year i think i am going to go to see andrews band play (my old manager from the naswa) his band is playing at a hotel near cannon so i think my b-day present to myself would be to rent a hotel room and go there meet people get a little drunk and see where the adventure leads me. i figured it would be good for me, not only to meet new people but slightly older people. it's not that i feel like i am more mature then my current friends, but i feel like my life is about to get a jump shot forward. and i would really like to know some people that have already gone threw it to help me know what i am up agenst. and if i dont make some new friends then this town is going to get even more unbareable.
i hung out with my dad my sister and nate this weekend. i hate nate. the more he is around the more he fucking pisses me off. with his stupid little quirks and remarks. once i turn 21 and can party with my sister i am going to go down there and stir some shit up. i can get my sister to act more like her old fun self better then anyone. and i can tell that it pisses nate off more and more.
i need to get an internship before classes end or i will fail my sr.proj.prep class. i dont think i even really care anymore at this point. i think i am just going to let myself fail it. it would be retarded if they made me stay another semester for it. they would almost be forced into letting me do somthing on next semester while taking sr.proj to make up for it.
i have to go finish the last 3/4 of my server proj that was due last tues. even though i could rant on for about another 10 pages. wait! i found my new research paper topic, my life as a shitty american. GO!
i know that it's the weather and the stress.
i kinda gave up, i felt like theres nothing i can do.
but i was watching some dumb videos online. and i came across one of 2 teenages singing along to the radio. you could tell by there cloths and the weather outside that it was summer and i realized how much different it is. it's not just the less stress from being out of school, but it's thw whole damn thing. the weather, the smells, the lack of disease, the millions of options availible every night. winter lacks the sense of adventure. no one wants to do anything but sit around there house. and the lack of fun and adventure drives me to care less about work, school, my own well being. i need to get out of here, it is no longer just a meaning of comfort, but servival... and the snow hasn't even fallen.
i am going to be a full time student next semester :( i don't want to be, or have to be. but my mom was flipping out that i wasn't going to be on her insurance, so i have to pick up an extra class. my scedual so far was a poetry class, an intro to drawing class and my sr.proj class, but now that i have to pick up 4 more credits to be full time i think i am going to sign up for ethics, not so much for the class, but bc i really like the teacher. i have him in my sociology class, and he is the only person in the class that i enjoy talking to. and he likes my enthusiasm about the topics to the point that he just lets me do whatever i want. the other day i told him i didn't like out journal topic and i ased him if i could write about somthing else, and he said shure, so i asked him what ishould write about, and he told me to write whatever i wanted bc he knew it would be better then whatever anyone else would write. i am working on the final paper for his class. it is a 10-12 page research paper on the differences between the american dream and the europian dream and how they are effected by capitalism and socialism, it's fun, but a little challenging, however i found some people that would be happy to help me with it, which is good bc i could use the help and the intelligent conversation.
for new years this year i think i am going to go to see andrews band play (my old manager from the naswa) his band is playing at a hotel near cannon so i think my b-day present to myself would be to rent a hotel room and go there meet people get a little drunk and see where the adventure leads me. i figured it would be good for me, not only to meet new people but slightly older people. it's not that i feel like i am more mature then my current friends, but i feel like my life is about to get a jump shot forward. and i would really like to know some people that have already gone threw it to help me know what i am up agenst. and if i dont make some new friends then this town is going to get even more unbareable.
i hung out with my dad my sister and nate this weekend. i hate nate. the more he is around the more he fucking pisses me off. with his stupid little quirks and remarks. once i turn 21 and can party with my sister i am going to go down there and stir some shit up. i can get my sister to act more like her old fun self better then anyone. and i can tell that it pisses nate off more and more.
i need to get an internship before classes end or i will fail my sr.proj.prep class. i dont think i even really care anymore at this point. i think i am just going to let myself fail it. it would be retarded if they made me stay another semester for it. they would almost be forced into letting me do somthing on next semester while taking sr.proj to make up for it.
i have to go finish the last 3/4 of my server proj that was due last tues. even though i could rant on for about another 10 pages. wait! i found my new research paper topic, my life as a shitty american. GO!