Well I didn't die...
Woo party... yeah, can't say it was as bad as i thought, cannot say i'd ever do it again.
The good: Didn't punch anyone
Didn't Drink/get wasted
The bad: Stayed off alone
Went for a walk alone, which i swore i wouldn't do, with cory (the other thing i swore swore i wouldn't do)
cryed
So yeah i was basically miserable.... Spent all night clutching Nigel's necklace in my hands, i think it is now permently embeded there. Went off alone like i swore i wouldn't, left the fuckin house due to pain which i also swore i wouldn't with cory which makes it sooo much worst. Not only did i go off alone out of the house but i did it with cory. Grand.
As much as seeing them toghther hurt/made me physically feel sick and in pain. (god i hate how this sounds) What hurt the most was Karen. I'm Losing her plain and simple. And nothing could be worst. I seen ricky's mother and i cried, each time.. we talked a little i had to make an excuse and run away before she noticed. Yeah bad news, i did cry, good news no one seen it.
Whats worst is everyother time i;ve seen him, yeah it was bad and akward but WE WERE STILL FRIENDS, WE could and DID talk/hang. He bitched about erin/professed how awsome she was (which hurt like hell, but we were friends). Tonight it was like i didn't exist... More than once i seen him, like half walk towards me or start to talk to me then stop and go else where. WTF?!?!?! I mean i understand not spending loads of time with me due to erin being there, but do i have to stop being human/ your friend. Fuck.
So yeah that killed, ate food made it all worst. Everyone acted weird/diffrent when they were around both myself and erin. And Losing Karen... Or at least it damn well seems like it. As much as being at ricky's house, losing him (since he was kinda important to me/rebuilt all my trust blah blah blah) sucks, seeing them togther and Ricky's mom (ouch ouch ouch)... I can honestly say everything involving Karen hurt a million times more.
I am soo messed up right now, all night holding the necklace and biting my hand, just to have the pain shoot throught my arm and give my brain ten seconds of clean air. Yeah, i now need that pinch of pain to clear my head for a few seconds... and to hold a damn necklace.
One part of this i may actulay find amusing to read later (sure as hell not know because i am so fucking pissed off) the 20 questions thing. You hit yes or no and it tries to guess it. We are all trying to stump it, my turn comes around i have a few good ones that work. I decided ok i wonder if it can get someones name. So i go through the questions, animal... yes, two legs yes, help get things done sometimes, can you play with it in the dark yes, can you hold it yes, blah blah blah. The machine guesses, Is it a Soul Mate?
:@ -_- :yells screams breaks machine:
Fucking hell that stupid fucking machine! i got so damn pissed off i spend the other portion of the night re-doing the same questions to get the right awnser, or at least a diffrent one and each fucking time. Is it a Soul Mate?
NO NON NO NO NO~~ I think i broke the button on that machine but it pissed me off to no end, that little fucking thing! GAH!!!
Other People found it funny, i did not...
And now someone who promised to be online to talk to me when i got back, isn't responding... great... i feel like shit... and i would enjoy dieing. Fuck now i sound emo.. great.
Damn fucking microchip shit box. And people. And acting diffrent. And being weak.
The good: Didn't punch anyone
Didn't Drink/get wasted
The bad: Stayed off alone
Went for a walk alone, which i swore i wouldn't do, with cory (the other thing i swore swore i wouldn't do)
cryed
So yeah i was basically miserable.... Spent all night clutching Nigel's necklace in my hands, i think it is now permently embeded there. Went off alone like i swore i wouldn't, left the fuckin house due to pain which i also swore i wouldn't with cory which makes it sooo much worst. Not only did i go off alone out of the house but i did it with cory. Grand.
As much as seeing them toghther hurt/made me physically feel sick and in pain. (god i hate how this sounds) What hurt the most was Karen. I'm Losing her plain and simple. And nothing could be worst. I seen ricky's mother and i cried, each time.. we talked a little i had to make an excuse and run away before she noticed. Yeah bad news, i did cry, good news no one seen it.
Whats worst is everyother time i;ve seen him, yeah it was bad and akward but WE WERE STILL FRIENDS, WE could and DID talk/hang. He bitched about erin/professed how awsome she was (which hurt like hell, but we were friends). Tonight it was like i didn't exist... More than once i seen him, like half walk towards me or start to talk to me then stop and go else where. WTF?!?!?! I mean i understand not spending loads of time with me due to erin being there, but do i have to stop being human/ your friend. Fuck.
So yeah that killed, ate food made it all worst. Everyone acted weird/diffrent when they were around both myself and erin. And Losing Karen... Or at least it damn well seems like it. As much as being at ricky's house, losing him (since he was kinda important to me/rebuilt all my trust blah blah blah) sucks, seeing them togther and Ricky's mom (ouch ouch ouch)... I can honestly say everything involving Karen hurt a million times more.
I am soo messed up right now, all night holding the necklace and biting my hand, just to have the pain shoot throught my arm and give my brain ten seconds of clean air. Yeah, i now need that pinch of pain to clear my head for a few seconds... and to hold a damn necklace.
One part of this i may actulay find amusing to read later (sure as hell not know because i am so fucking pissed off) the 20 questions thing. You hit yes or no and it tries to guess it. We are all trying to stump it, my turn comes around i have a few good ones that work. I decided ok i wonder if it can get someones name. So i go through the questions, animal... yes, two legs yes, help get things done sometimes, can you play with it in the dark yes, can you hold it yes, blah blah blah. The machine guesses, Is it a Soul Mate?
:@ -_- :yells screams breaks machine:
Fucking hell that stupid fucking machine! i got so damn pissed off i spend the other portion of the night re-doing the same questions to get the right awnser, or at least a diffrent one and each fucking time. Is it a Soul Mate?
NO NON NO NO NO~~ I think i broke the button on that machine but it pissed me off to no end, that little fucking thing! GAH!!!
Other People found it funny, i did not...
And now someone who promised to be online to talk to me when i got back, isn't responding... great... i feel like shit... and i would enjoy dieing. Fuck now i sound emo.. great.
Damn fucking microchip shit box. And people. And acting diffrent. And being weak.