always
this day has been like a dream. not a good one.
i got up relatively early even though i went to bed at like 4 in the morning so i only got 5 hours of sleep. so thats probably part of my problem. ive been having all these deep emotions today. everything finally hit me hard this afternoon all of the sudden. my mom keeps on talking about digging the hole for carlos and what we're going to bury him in. it's making me sick. i know she's just trying to have everything figured out so we dont have to figure it out when we're going nuts after... but i just feel sick that he's sitting on our laps and randomly we're planning his death. i hate this! so with this going on and the whole hurricane and my aunt trying to get out and the fact that we have no money to pay the 8000 hospital bills ... it just all hit me like a ton of bricks. it was like all of the sudden i stopped running from it and let it knock me down.
in a way it felt good to release everything. in another way, i know it isnt over yet. but im gonna try to take everything as it comes and try to not worry so much.
easier said than done.
i got up relatively early even though i went to bed at like 4 in the morning so i only got 5 hours of sleep. so thats probably part of my problem. ive been having all these deep emotions today. everything finally hit me hard this afternoon all of the sudden. my mom keeps on talking about digging the hole for carlos and what we're going to bury him in. it's making me sick. i know she's just trying to have everything figured out so we dont have to figure it out when we're going nuts after... but i just feel sick that he's sitting on our laps and randomly we're planning his death. i hate this! so with this going on and the whole hurricane and my aunt trying to get out and the fact that we have no money to pay the 8000 hospital bills ... it just all hit me like a ton of bricks. it was like all of the sudden i stopped running from it and let it knock me down.
in a way it felt good to release everything. in another way, i know it isnt over yet. but im gonna try to take everything as it comes and try to not worry so much.
easier said than done.