This truely is the story of a broken soul.
why cant i just be happy? why cant i ever move on? why do i have to spend my christmas feeling alone and empty?
every year at christmas i feel this way. this year more then others. hether breaking up w/ me really took a toll on me, and i dont know why.
i opened my grandma's christmas preasant to me, and i always know half of it. its going to be a hess truck. every year since i was born my grandpa would give me a hess truck. and i never really understood it. it was always tradition, and i just accepted it at that. now that hes gone, it just doesnt feel the same. the tradition just isnt there anymore. i used to open the package knowing exactly what it was going to be. it hasnt been like that since he passed. this year they changed the colors of the truck. when my family was all upstairs i sat silently and looked at my collection. 17 white trucks, and 1 red truck. i dont know whats differnt about this year, but something just isnt right. my heart just isnt in it anymore. idk whats it has been about this year, but it just doesnt feel right. my heart just feels empty. at times the lonelyness feels unbarable, even though im very rarely alone. idk whats been going on with me lately, but im just broken. usually i know how to fix things, and i know what i have to do. but this time im clueless. something is missing and im not sure what it is.
i was talking to my boss yesterday at work (yea working christmas eve) and maybe he is right. maybe im just to soft. maybe its time to stop letting people walk all over me. maybe toughening up a little wont be such a bad thing. but i kinda like how i am. maby its about time for me to change. if i cant change everything else thats changing i guess its about time i change, right?
Why I am I so alone
Where is my guiding light
Something, anything
Please give me sight
I dont know
How much longer i can last
My joy, my hopes
Are fading fast
hopes, dreams, will the ever become reality? i used to think i knew who i was, i knew what i wanted, and i was gona get it. but that has slowly faded. whats it really matter anyway.
i just dont know anymore.
Merry Christmas everyone...
every year at christmas i feel this way. this year more then others. hether breaking up w/ me really took a toll on me, and i dont know why.
i opened my grandma's christmas preasant to me, and i always know half of it. its going to be a hess truck. every year since i was born my grandpa would give me a hess truck. and i never really understood it. it was always tradition, and i just accepted it at that. now that hes gone, it just doesnt feel the same. the tradition just isnt there anymore. i used to open the package knowing exactly what it was going to be. it hasnt been like that since he passed. this year they changed the colors of the truck. when my family was all upstairs i sat silently and looked at my collection. 17 white trucks, and 1 red truck. i dont know whats differnt about this year, but something just isnt right. my heart just isnt in it anymore. idk whats it has been about this year, but it just doesnt feel right. my heart just feels empty. at times the lonelyness feels unbarable, even though im very rarely alone. idk whats been going on with me lately, but im just broken. usually i know how to fix things, and i know what i have to do. but this time im clueless. something is missing and im not sure what it is.
i was talking to my boss yesterday at work (yea working christmas eve) and maybe he is right. maybe im just to soft. maybe its time to stop letting people walk all over me. maybe toughening up a little wont be such a bad thing. but i kinda like how i am. maby its about time for me to change. if i cant change everything else thats changing i guess its about time i change, right?
Why I am I so alone
Where is my guiding light
Something, anything
Please give me sight
I dont know
How much longer i can last
My joy, my hopes
Are fading fast
hopes, dreams, will the ever become reality? i used to think i knew who i was, i knew what i wanted, and i was gona get it. but that has slowly faded. whats it really matter anyway.
i just dont know anymore.
Merry Christmas everyone...