I don't understand me life, please help me understand....

[b3aut1ful_0n3]

last night, i dont even remember if i slept. But i got up at 5 to 10, i was scared my mom had left already cause i wanted to beg to go see my friends. She was just heading out the door, and shes like "your comming with me now" im like "why, what did i do now" shes like "just get in the fucking car"...okayy I drove to rochester with her my sister and brother. She made me sit in the front. I didnt move, i was focusing on other things. I hardly blinked. I prayed to get in a accident. Eather one of us could die, didnt matter at the time. She drops my sister and brother off at my grandmas, and im like can i go to toms *i look like shit, and i dont feel very well and i still wanted to be around him.. i miss him alot. and i dont think he'd care what i looked like..* anyways, my moms like "i told you you dont deserve it, now get the fuck over it". Then all of a sudden shes like im taking you out to eat. Went to big boys, was fake smiling cause if i cried like i was in the car, people would think somthing since my wrists are cut and theres a scratch on my head. Anyways we ate, and came home. Just got out of the bath, thought alot. didnt really care much about cleaning myself, just relaxing. Nobody can bother me in there, its my only escape.. yeah well im here all alone again, for the rest of the weekend. I hate my life, its pointless mines well die.

cuuuuuuuuuut :(

Yah, i like her alot. O well...:( what are you gonna do.