(no subject)
This is kinda all my feelings and emotions, mixed into one. I wrote it during school, like when i was thinking about w.e it was. forever.
"Father" called today, said he missed me. I didnt know what to say back. I guess i beleive him, i mean what choice do i have. I just hope her learns from his stupid mistakes. Hes getting out soon, less then a few months i suppose. Life would be alright then, nobody would hurt me, as much as i get hurt here...
Report card is embarassing. I hate myself for being so dumb. I should be doing better. A,B,B,B,C,D. "Mother" expects more. I guess its just so hard without my friends and being so well depressed i dont know what to do with myself. I miss you guys.
Last night, hurt the worst. I hate seeing her suffer like that. I want her to be better, i need her to be better. I love her, i dont care what people think, and i dont care what they say about it. She makes me apperciate some aspects of my life. I never felt a "happy" love, till now. Maybe i was just so cought up in wanting to be loved in the past, that i didnt allow myself to move on. I need her to survive. This weekend im going to see her, Saturday night. We are going to have the greatest time, She'll make me so happy. I know she will. I worry about her though, knowing some things. I really need God to be with her, its the only thing i ask. <3
Ryan kinda saved my life. I dont know how but hes the only one who could get me to throw up the pills. He didnt even really have to say anything. I guess hes just perfect. Chante and Katie really helped me out with the emotional part though. Thank you guys, i love you 3 so much. *and Steph thanks for caring, means alot. <3 u!*
Today i feel alone. Worse then most days. I feel as thogh nobody understands how i feel inside i just wanna bleen my way threw the pain, but i know thats no solution. Dont ever take anybody for grantted, Life can pass you buy in a blink. Itz really sad that it took me so long to realize that. pause [i love her]
Kids keep teasing me at school. Its hard enough being who i am, but dealing with everybody elses bull shit is getting to me. I cant stand living here. I need out, i just cant seem to cry another day without cutting, or taking some more pills.
Mom told me today i have to stop yelling. I dont know what she means by that when shes the one in my face constintly. And when matt can say shit about me to my face and i cant back myself up. It really fuckin hurts, when you cant bare another moment to look in the mirrow.
dead beat.
"Father" called today, said he missed me. I didnt know what to say back. I guess i beleive him, i mean what choice do i have. I just hope her learns from his stupid mistakes. Hes getting out soon, less then a few months i suppose. Life would be alright then, nobody would hurt me, as much as i get hurt here...
Report card is embarassing. I hate myself for being so dumb. I should be doing better. A,B,B,B,C,D. "Mother" expects more. I guess its just so hard without my friends and being so well depressed i dont know what to do with myself. I miss you guys.
Last night, hurt the worst. I hate seeing her suffer like that. I want her to be better, i need her to be better. I love her, i dont care what people think, and i dont care what they say about it. She makes me apperciate some aspects of my life. I never felt a "happy" love, till now. Maybe i was just so cought up in wanting to be loved in the past, that i didnt allow myself to move on. I need her to survive. This weekend im going to see her, Saturday night. We are going to have the greatest time, She'll make me so happy. I know she will. I worry about her though, knowing some things. I really need God to be with her, its the only thing i ask. <3
Ryan kinda saved my life. I dont know how but hes the only one who could get me to throw up the pills. He didnt even really have to say anything. I guess hes just perfect. Chante and Katie really helped me out with the emotional part though. Thank you guys, i love you 3 so much. *and Steph thanks for caring, means alot. <3 u!*
Today i feel alone. Worse then most days. I feel as thogh nobody understands how i feel inside i just wanna bleen my way threw the pain, but i know thats no solution. Dont ever take anybody for grantted, Life can pass you buy in a blink. Itz really sad that it took me so long to realize that. pause [i love her]
Kids keep teasing me at school. Its hard enough being who i am, but dealing with everybody elses bull shit is getting to me. I cant stand living here. I need out, i just cant seem to cry another day without cutting, or taking some more pills.
Mom told me today i have to stop yelling. I dont know what she means by that when shes the one in my face constintly. And when matt can say shit about me to my face and i cant back myself up. It really fuckin hurts, when you cant bare another moment to look in the mirrow.
dead beat.