Well, well, well...
Look what the beast dragged..back in!
I'm not entirely sure why i thought i'd post in here again. it's been some years since my last post, and a LOT has happened in that time. I just read my last 25 entries, boy did i have a different outlook on life back then. Lots of anger and resentment, i like to think i've come a long way. Though my relationship with my parents hasn't changed much.
I've had a lot to think about over the past month or so, and i think writing it all down might help clear my head a bit. SO here goes!
Where to start. We're moving house: I've had mixed feelings about our new house recently. Initially it was fantastic, a lovely area, nice fresh canvas to inflict our lifestyle upon. All was good. Then i learned Lee (cheekylee) had decided to go back to 'school' to do a games production course. And i got to thinking...thats what i wanted to do. Thing is, there were no such courses when i went to Uni (granted neither were there when Lee left school) all the computing courses were very general and offered little in the way of setting up for a specific career. Unless you wanted to be a web designer, thats not changed much in the...7 years(?) since i was at Uni.
Now I would normally identify what developed from this to be jealousy. And in part it is. After i sat and thought about it, i realise that my feelings towards my current employment have dwindled to purely wanting more money. That's not what i want out of a job...the reason i gave myself for staying with my current employer, was that i was learning. That the money was less important than the experience and skills i was gaining through working there. Thats not the case anymore, i'm not learning anything that i want to learn anymore. I want to be creative, come up with interesting ways to solve problems. but i'm encouraged not to do so anymore. We're in the early stages of migrating our bespoke sales system to a highly configurable Oracle suite. So all work done on the old system is purely functional, and has been for some time now i think about it. I want to be able to use my brain for more than logic and algorithms, i had ideas spewing out of my head while i was working on projects at University. I spent time working on my own little projects outside of lectures, and i enjoyed it.
Now i spend my day supporting a doomed system that only I appear capable of remembering. Given the frequent interuptions from support calls i get. I want to move on, do something interesting. Problem is, i dont feel i can. Where am i going...what do i want to do!? Games. I'm passionate about them, i devote an inordinate amount of my social time to them. I enjoy creating things with code, what better subject matter than the thing i enjoy the most! I realise i've had this thought in my head for years, but got too comfortable in my job to realise i could actually change my direction.
Problem 1: All games are written in C++, and i don't know the syntax. The Semantics are similar to what i learnt in JAVA at university, but the language i develop in at the moment is considerably less disciplined and structured. Meaning i'm finding it more frustrating than i had expected, getting a lot wrong and generally having a strop. Possible solution1: Go back to 'school' this was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction, as i discovered after looking at prospectus that although the courses are more specific, careers have grown more diverse. Thus evening things out. In short courses are still as generalised as they ever were, and i'd have to endure course elements that i simply have little interest in. Which will inevitably be my downfall. Even though i have the idea flitting about at the back of my brain that i'm older and wiser and could deal with it better, it won't happen. I cant go back into mainstream education.
Plus, considering the astronomically increased tuition fees, there's no way we can even come close to affording it, and i will not add another 9 grand to my student loan regardless of how little an impact it has on my earnings. So. Possible solution 2: Learn C++ myself in my spare time. This is what i've decided. Difficult as it initially seems, i'm sure i can pick it up. And hopefully i can hook up with Lee, bounce ideas off each other etc, i'm sure i can learn something from him and what he's being taught. Maybe i can offer him some help with how what he's learning translates into a real business? Who knows. I'm hoping this doesn't come off like i'm only doing this because Lee is. If anything i'd like to think Lee's decision was a catalyst to a wake up call i've been ignoring for years. Thanks!
Sarah's offered to help me with it, and although i know she's an intelligent girl and picks things up quickly, i remember trying to explain programming concepts to her before, and i know she's just humouring my babble. I think i'll get frustrated. But at least i know she's there if i need her. Good wifey :) One things for sure i know she'll help me play and test the games, maybe i can get her to do some artwork and such. I suck at artwork >.> yet thats another aspect i'll need to understand at some point. 3D modelling. Doesn't intrest me at all, but it'll be necessary in order to attach code to.
Problem 2: all game developer positions seemingly require a demo piece so they can access your skills. Fair enough, i sort of expected that. But that means i'm actually going to have to more than just have an idea how the industry works, even for junior positions. Good enough to produce a stand alone game that runs without installation. Quite a significant undertaking. I have the design life-cycle down, no probs, I use it every day at work. It's just the daunting task of becoming excellent at something that i would rather do instead of my job during the day. And i hope i dont confuse the syntax, that could just lead to me producing buggy error-ridden code at work >.< not good.
So now i have a gameplan, what was all the fuss about? Well i had all these thoughts about, should we move closer to a city, how will we move in future if a job presents itself. Plus all the usually crap that's part of moving house. Not to mention that i feel like every organisation in the country is determined to take money from us, for what seems like the sole purpose of lining their pockets. Valuation fees for houses we haven't even been approved a mortgage on. Reservation fees for a house thats been 'under offer' for 4 weeks now with no chance of it selling to anyone else. CORGI certificates for gas boilers we're not even going to be using. licence fees for learning to ride a moped, plus a provisional driving licence. I'm scared of driving, for reasons i have yet to identify in myself, getting a provisional again seems like a step towards that. Which is scary. Thought i could ride a moped without a provisional, alas the government has other ideas.
That's a lot of money, and a lot of hassle. And work isn't helping, every second i spend there feels like a waste of my time. I'm not learning what i want to learn. and i'm not paid enough to compensate for the mundane-ness. I have a work review coming up soon, i've pretty much renamed it to 'pay review' as there's very little in my job that i actually have a specific problem with. I just dont enjoy it any more and there's little opportunity for me to get that spark back.
At least Sarah is happy at her new job. Tired constantly though she is. Thats one thing i dont have worry about anymore.
I think i'll post again for a new subject. My posts were always long, this one has been no exception! would you expect any less :P
I'm not entirely sure why i thought i'd post in here again. it's been some years since my last post, and a LOT has happened in that time. I just read my last 25 entries, boy did i have a different outlook on life back then. Lots of anger and resentment, i like to think i've come a long way. Though my relationship with my parents hasn't changed much.
I've had a lot to think about over the past month or so, and i think writing it all down might help clear my head a bit. SO here goes!
Where to start. We're moving house: I've had mixed feelings about our new house recently. Initially it was fantastic, a lovely area, nice fresh canvas to inflict our lifestyle upon. All was good. Then i learned Lee (cheekylee) had decided to go back to 'school' to do a games production course. And i got to thinking...thats what i wanted to do. Thing is, there were no such courses when i went to Uni (granted neither were there when Lee left school) all the computing courses were very general and offered little in the way of setting up for a specific career. Unless you wanted to be a web designer, thats not changed much in the...7 years(?) since i was at Uni.
Now I would normally identify what developed from this to be jealousy. And in part it is. After i sat and thought about it, i realise that my feelings towards my current employment have dwindled to purely wanting more money. That's not what i want out of a job...the reason i gave myself for staying with my current employer, was that i was learning. That the money was less important than the experience and skills i was gaining through working there. Thats not the case anymore, i'm not learning anything that i want to learn anymore. I want to be creative, come up with interesting ways to solve problems. but i'm encouraged not to do so anymore. We're in the early stages of migrating our bespoke sales system to a highly configurable Oracle suite. So all work done on the old system is purely functional, and has been for some time now i think about it. I want to be able to use my brain for more than logic and algorithms, i had ideas spewing out of my head while i was working on projects at University. I spent time working on my own little projects outside of lectures, and i enjoyed it.
Now i spend my day supporting a doomed system that only I appear capable of remembering. Given the frequent interuptions from support calls i get. I want to move on, do something interesting. Problem is, i dont feel i can. Where am i going...what do i want to do!? Games. I'm passionate about them, i devote an inordinate amount of my social time to them. I enjoy creating things with code, what better subject matter than the thing i enjoy the most! I realise i've had this thought in my head for years, but got too comfortable in my job to realise i could actually change my direction.
Problem 1: All games are written in C++, and i don't know the syntax. The Semantics are similar to what i learnt in JAVA at university, but the language i develop in at the moment is considerably less disciplined and structured. Meaning i'm finding it more frustrating than i had expected, getting a lot wrong and generally having a strop. Possible solution1: Go back to 'school' this was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction, as i discovered after looking at prospectus that although the courses are more specific, careers have grown more diverse. Thus evening things out. In short courses are still as generalised as they ever were, and i'd have to endure course elements that i simply have little interest in. Which will inevitably be my downfall. Even though i have the idea flitting about at the back of my brain that i'm older and wiser and could deal with it better, it won't happen. I cant go back into mainstream education.
Plus, considering the astronomically increased tuition fees, there's no way we can even come close to affording it, and i will not add another 9 grand to my student loan regardless of how little an impact it has on my earnings. So. Possible solution 2: Learn C++ myself in my spare time. This is what i've decided. Difficult as it initially seems, i'm sure i can pick it up. And hopefully i can hook up with Lee, bounce ideas off each other etc, i'm sure i can learn something from him and what he's being taught. Maybe i can offer him some help with how what he's learning translates into a real business? Who knows. I'm hoping this doesn't come off like i'm only doing this because Lee is. If anything i'd like to think Lee's decision was a catalyst to a wake up call i've been ignoring for years. Thanks!
Sarah's offered to help me with it, and although i know she's an intelligent girl and picks things up quickly, i remember trying to explain programming concepts to her before, and i know she's just humouring my babble. I think i'll get frustrated. But at least i know she's there if i need her. Good wifey :) One things for sure i know she'll help me play and test the games, maybe i can get her to do some artwork and such. I suck at artwork >.> yet thats another aspect i'll need to understand at some point. 3D modelling. Doesn't intrest me at all, but it'll be necessary in order to attach code to.
Problem 2: all game developer positions seemingly require a demo piece so they can access your skills. Fair enough, i sort of expected that. But that means i'm actually going to have to more than just have an idea how the industry works, even for junior positions. Good enough to produce a stand alone game that runs without installation. Quite a significant undertaking. I have the design life-cycle down, no probs, I use it every day at work. It's just the daunting task of becoming excellent at something that i would rather do instead of my job during the day. And i hope i dont confuse the syntax, that could just lead to me producing buggy error-ridden code at work >.< not good.
So now i have a gameplan, what was all the fuss about? Well i had all these thoughts about, should we move closer to a city, how will we move in future if a job presents itself. Plus all the usually crap that's part of moving house. Not to mention that i feel like every organisation in the country is determined to take money from us, for what seems like the sole purpose of lining their pockets. Valuation fees for houses we haven't even been approved a mortgage on. Reservation fees for a house thats been 'under offer' for 4 weeks now with no chance of it selling to anyone else. CORGI certificates for gas boilers we're not even going to be using. licence fees for learning to ride a moped, plus a provisional driving licence. I'm scared of driving, for reasons i have yet to identify in myself, getting a provisional again seems like a step towards that. Which is scary. Thought i could ride a moped without a provisional, alas the government has other ideas.
That's a lot of money, and a lot of hassle. And work isn't helping, every second i spend there feels like a waste of my time. I'm not learning what i want to learn. and i'm not paid enough to compensate for the mundane-ness. I have a work review coming up soon, i've pretty much renamed it to 'pay review' as there's very little in my job that i actually have a specific problem with. I just dont enjoy it any more and there's little opportunity for me to get that spark back.
At least Sarah is happy at her new job. Tired constantly though she is. Thats one thing i dont have worry about anymore.
I think i'll post again for a new subject. My posts were always long, this one has been no exception! would you expect any less :P