(no subject)
ok. so. i became very angry tonight. it's something that's been building up for a while and tonight was just... sort of the last straw. angel was my best friend. we spent every day together. did everything together. knew everything about each other. and then we both got jobs and saw less of each other. but we still made time and talked. and now suddenly christy's gone and keri's here. and i never see angel. and i never hear from angel... unless it's through stacie. suddenly stacie's receiving the phone calls and the hang out invitations. suddenly angel spends more time with stacie than she does with me. she's offering to try to get stacie into clubs which she always said she couldn't take me to because i was too young. she always said she wanted to but couldn't. so you can take a 15 year old to a club but not a 17 year old? she's known stacie for 9 months and she's known me for 3 years. she's only recently started spending time with stacie and spends no time with me. so she can drive, so she can take you and keri places. christy's car is gone and now you have no ride and there's little sweet stacie with her van and her willingness to drive you places. and it's fucking BYE BYE CAITIE?! yes. i'm angry. i'm pissed off. at angel AND stacie. is it really their fault that i feel this way? not entirely. but, yes i'm lashing out at them. because they're the only ones that i have to be mad at. and i don't even think apologies are enough. words just don't seem to mean anything anymore.
on a different note, my future is becoming less and less clear. i don't really know what i want. i'm 17 years old and this is normal but i can't help but feel a little lost. i don't know who i want to spend my life with, i don't know what i want to do with my life, hell i don't know where i'll be next week much less next year. i'm tired of people asking "what are you going to do when you grow up?" "if you could be with one person for the rest of your life, who would it be?" "will we be together forever?" I DON'T KNOW! end of story.
on a different note, my future is becoming less and less clear. i don't really know what i want. i'm 17 years old and this is normal but i can't help but feel a little lost. i don't know who i want to spend my life with, i don't know what i want to do with my life, hell i don't know where i'll be next week much less next year. i'm tired of people asking "what are you going to do when you grow up?" "if you could be with one person for the rest of your life, who would it be?" "will we be together forever?" I DON'T KNOW! end of story.