I remember this feeling..

[b0redum]

I'm starting to believe that everything I say in the present is said to forget, or make the past easier to handle. I always say that I live in the present. The now. But that's a lie. I think a lot of what I say is a lie. It's not intentional, I think I lie to myself and make myself believe it.. just to make it all easier to swallow. I also think I always knew this. I just repressed it so much and so deep that I never let it surface. To come to the realization that.. That's exactly what I'm doing. I've just been really depressed lately. And it scares me. All I think about is drugs. Medicating myself. So I don't feel it anymore. It worked in the past.. It should work now.

Gawd, I miss him.

xo Lane